Okay, am I full of myself? Do I seem that way?


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Zellio is offline Zellio Post #1  June 24,2010, 1:08pm
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This a question that I am taking from this topic:

http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...m-i-fault.html

To ask on this forum. Am I full of myself? Do I seem like I am? Because I try not to be.

The eharmony questionaire that I answered did not say I am. Here is what I got:

wrote :
You are best described as:
USUALLY TAKING CARE OF OTHERS


Words that describe you:
•Understanding
•Unquestioning
•Humane
•Selfless
•Gentle
•Kindhearted
•Gullible
•Indulgent
wrote :
On the Openness Dimension you are:
CURIOUS

Words that describe you:
•Original
•Inventive
•Thinker
•Brave
•Eccentric
•Avant-Garde
•Out-of-Touch
•Unique
wrote :
On Emotional Stability you are:
SOMETIMES STEADY, SOMETIMES RESPONSIVE

Words that describe you:
•Adaptable
•Engaged
•Able to Cope
•Passionate
•Perceptive
•Flexible
•Receptive
•Aware
•Avid
wrote :
Your approach toward your obligations is:
FOCUSED AND FLEXIBLE

Words that describe you:
•Casual
•Informal
•Compliant
•Reliable
•Organized
•Solid
•Dependable
•Uncommitted
•Genuine
wrote :
When it comes to Extraversion you are:
OUTGOING

Words that describe you:
•Friendly
•Gregarious
•Full of Life
•Unreserved
•Kindhearted
•Talkative
•Emotional
•Spontaneous
•Vigorous
All I did was answer questions. I don't spend all looking at a picture of myself in a mirror, I try to help people.

I'd like to know for real. Am I full of myself? Since this is the about me forum, I thought it would be a better place for this question.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #2  June 24,2010, 1:40pm
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What you have posted does not say you are full of yourself, but your matches will probably not see this--and even if they do, they will see your profile first.

And as presented in the other thread, yes, your profile, which is what really matters, does say "conceited." I hope for your sake that it's inaccurate!

Really, these sorts of things can be fixed by editing. See the post I just made back in the other thread.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #3  June 24,2010, 6:23pm
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As Iconography pointed out, this information is from your personal profile and matches don't see this. They will, however, see your photo and your self-description/greeting.
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #4  June 24,2010, 8:41pm
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I read the other thread. I find it odd that, if you're as intelligent as you say you are, you haven't worked out yet that the majority of people strongly dislike declarations of intelligence. Many even dislike displays of unusually high intelligence.

I've learned the hard way to downplay my academic successes, and it has led to much greater social success. As people get to know me, they eventually figure it out. Some are put off. (I had one first date who basically freaked out on me when he worked out my education level based on a passing comment I'd made about meeting up with friends from grad school. Shockingly, there was no second date there. ) Most are fine with it because they've gotten to know me as a whole person first and realised that I don't think I'm better than them; I recognize and value all different kinds of strengths, and there are almost always things they're better at than me as well.

I'm not saying that you should lie about who you are, but emphasizing "I'm smart" is generally a bad idea. It sounds arrogant and condescending. Mention it once and only once. (I go with the "four things my friends would say about me" section.)

And for everything I just said about the "I'm intelligent" statement, figure that it's 1000 times worse to talk about how good looking you are.
Last edited by chemgal; June 24,2010 at 8:45pm.
 
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newbie40something is offline newbie40something Post #5  June 24,2010, 9:17pm
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I read the other thread. I'll be honest.

Based on what was stated, Yes I Do.

Bottom line. You can take what you have read from others or continue to go your own way. It's up to you.

It is what it is. Profiles are read and either the other party is interested or they're not. If you are only worried about answering the questions the way you feel they should be answered, in a self fulfilling way, then good luck to you.

If you are truly interested in someone actually becoming interested in your profile, then maybe you should give some consideration to the advice listed in your other thread.

If not, like I said, continue on your own journey.
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #6  June 24,2010, 9:32pm

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Zellio wrote :
All I did was answer questions. I don't spend all looking at a picture of myself in a mirror, I try to help people.

I'd like to know for real. Am I full of myself? Since this is the about me forum, I thought it would be a better place for this question.
I looked at the thread you linked, and while I'm a man - and you may not care what I think - I can say that you definitely come across as conceited in a major way.

Drop all the stuff about how hot and brilliant you think you are.

If you're so hot that it really is a standout feature then the women will see it. If you're intelligent then they notice it.

Whenever people make claims like that in such a direct way it gives the impression that you're really trying to convince them of something that's just not true.

Of course I'm not the best guy to give out advice on profiles, I bombed completely in my time using eH, but it's plain as day that what everyone told you is correct. Fix it.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  June 24,2010, 9:59pm
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Just gonna say that even if a questionnaire says you aren't full of yourself, you can still appear to be, or even truly be. It is just a questionnaire. You may be picking the answers you "think" are right rather than truly looking at yourself and how you would behave in a given situation.

You may also have an unrealistic view of yourself. How many people do you know that insist they are "very nice" when in fact all they do it hurt other in some way?

Perspective is HUGE in online dating. Don't let yourself get caught in what you think others want to see and hear. Present yourself as your true self, not the image you want or think you want to be.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #8  June 25,2010, 10:22am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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Oooh. Deja Vue.

On the other thread I posted this, it doesn't seem out of place here.

I'm going to give you an older woman's perspective ~ please feel free to take it or leave it.

You don't sound particularly conceited to me, you sound youthfully arrogant. A lot of women will forgive you for you for that, especially if they find you as physically attractive as you do yourself.

What jumps out to me, if I may say so, is your immaturity. You seem to be trying to work out what adults say when they flirt and you come off a bit gauche if anything.

The 'intelligent thing' just isn't backed up by the rest of your profile. You seem to know very little about your influencial figure, Albert Einstein, who was pretty much entirely revered by fellow academics his whole life. It reads like you googled "clever men" and you cite Stephen King as your current reading matter. You say you're a 'techie' (and I'm very sorry to all the techies out there) but it isn't exactly seen as the pursuit of geniuses. Clever people don't spend a lot of time saying how clever they are; they just say clever things.

There's also lots of boyish stuff about not having enough time for a relationship, being receptive to a fling and so on that just makes me wonder why you picked a 'relationship' site instead of a dating one, because you seem so much more suited to dating than relationships.

The body building stuff ~ really? Grown men don't 'brag' about how well built they are, they just go round being well built.

It alway makes me smile when someone describes themselves as good looking when there's a photograph. I can see you! You can't make me think you're gorgeous just because you said so! I'll decide for myself, and I'm always a much harsher judge when I think you love yourself to start with.

So all of this, hope you're not offended, but you asked and this is my honest opinion.
Last edited by trixie1868; June 25,2010 at 1:12pm.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #9  June 25,2010, 10:31am
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I read the profile in the other thread. I can say that was my impression of what you had written there. There was too much backpatting going on in the profile.

If you are clever and awesome, show me, don't tell me.

Ie, I'm awesome is telling me.

Examples of how you helped a friend recently is showing me.

You want the match to say wow he's awesome, not you yourself to say it.

Well I am done with lunch hour now or I'd make this a more intelligent post.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #10  June 25,2010, 12:26pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
Oooh. Deja Vue.

On the other thread I posted this, it doesn't seem out of place here.

I'm going to give you an older woman's perspective ~ please feel free to take it or leave it.

You don't sound particularly conceited to me, you sound youthfully arrogant. .

Yup, until life kicks them around abit.
 
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