trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #1  June 20,2010, 2:56am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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Do you think you're much less likely to become bitter about "awful men" and "horrible women" if your friends are a mix of both genders?

For example, when I criticise my ex I'm less inclined to say that "men are cheating, lying, passive aggressive, self centered monsters with a penchant for cruelty" because a lot of my friends are men and it's just not true. True of my ex, but not true of all 'men'.

Do you think bitterness is a condition more likely to attach itself to people with only, or mostly, same sex friends?
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #2  June 20,2010, 6:21am
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Never thought about it that way but... yeah!

I'm surrounding by guys every day because that's my work and I only have sons. So when a guy I'm dating does something awful, and I gripe about it to my (male) friends, they all agree that it was awful. I'm reassured that this isn't typical for all males and I can remain optimistic.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #3  June 20,2010, 7:12am
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Oh, that's an interesting thought, Trixie! In my case I never became bitter about men never asking me out, and I've always had good friends of both sexes.

You could well be on to something here.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #4  June 20,2010, 7:38am

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I agree.

I have had and still have a lot of great men in my life- my dad, my best friend, other guy friends, an old ex that I'm still friends with (nearly 15 years after dating!) a former boss/mentor that taught me a lot...

that's why i still love men, even though I've dealt with some real jerks. I have concrete proof that some men are great and good and kind.
 
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Sean0123 is offline Sean0123 Post #5  June 20,2010, 7:40am
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I would definitely support that hypothesis. I have had no close friends of the opposite sex (unless they are mother figures.) They either have been lovers or nothing. I suppose that's my flaw, my pride can't handle being just friends with a girl, especially one I am attracted to. And as most of you here know, I don't have the best outlook on things, especially women.

I think you're right trixie.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  June 20,2010, 8:07am
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This is a thoughtful question.

Some exceptions, in my experience, are women bragging about how much money is spent on them, or how much worse off their ex-husband is due to how much of his money they are receiving.

So, my experience has been that women's comments have corroborated what may otherwise have seemed overstated comments from men.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #7  June 20,2010, 8:25am
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Oh, I've had the equivalent experience, too, with men confirming the worst of the sex (sometimes by means a lot more personal, and physical, than just "comments"), but the behavior (and reports of behavior) of my male friends more than compensates. Consequently I believe that there are genuinely good men out there.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #8  June 20,2010, 8:55am
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I think it is very helpful to have friends of the opposite gender. The puzzling things that they do can be explained by someone who is neutral and not confrontational because they have nothing in particular at stake.

Plus does help reinforce that not every member of that particular gender is "evil." Provided I suppose that the friend you chose is a good example and not a bad one.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #9  June 22,2010, 4:37am
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I totally agree Trixie. My girl friends are very supportive and help keep me grounded when dating anxiety sets in. However, almost all are in committed relationships or married, so sometimes their opinions are a bit slanted towards the "dump her and run you can do way better!" point of view. LOL!

With my guy friends I pretty much know in advance what advice I'm going to get. "Dump her and run you can do way better! But ... is the sex worth it?"

So, I still look to you wonderful ladies here at eHA for many thoughtful perspectives.
Last edited by insertscreenname; June 22,2010 at 11:49am. Reason: Can't tell and from are. :-0
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #10  June 22,2010, 11:41am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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Ha!

The thing is, we always think our friends can do better, we'll settle for pretty darn good matches for ourselves, but believe our friends should not stop rejecting and searching for perfection ~ isn't that odd?

However, if I reflect honestly, there's a strong possibility that my friends were right about me ~ I could hardly have done worse!
 
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