Ladies, would you consider an anonymous donor?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
newbie40something is offline newbie40something Post #21  June 20,2010, 10:20am
newbie40somet…'s Avatar

A time came when it was more painful to remain tight in a bud than the risk to break open & blossom

Veteran

Joined: Oct 2009

St. Louis

Posts: 1,740

See profile

Hi CP.

First, it sounds like you are in a good place right now and I am happy for you.

I just wanted to put something else out there. I think that for the most part, children like to know who they came from. Not all, though. But, there may be some of these children that feel they didn't get that opportunity if the sperm donor is anonymous. So, should we give that some thought? I'm sure a lot of these children are not affected by it, but there may be some that are.

Just throwing that out there.......
 
  Reply With Quote
cp30 is offline cp30 Post #22  June 20,2010, 10:42am

has only threatened to give up

Power Poster

Joined: Dec 2007

Up in the NW corner somewhere, but not quite Canada :)

Posts: 7,750

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
That's why I accepted the 1% premise - to allow for a variety of compatibility issues.

I believe that most young-ish women (probably you too) have had access to a pool of men sufficiently large to effectivly be screening for a 99th percentile - and still leave a usefully large result (not that I agree these women are themselves deserving of such a near-perfect man.)

***

I don't mind (that much) being ignored and dismissed in my 20's and 30's, as I am content that I will get some good, accomplished - and childless - women, who aged themselves right out of their excess demands and dismissiveness.

sure I did, in my 20's -- most of us did. But like many men - were not ready.
 
  Reply With Quote
cp30 is offline cp30 Post #23  June 20,2010, 10:44am

has only threatened to give up

Power Poster

Joined: Dec 2007

Up in the NW corner somewhere, but not quite Canada :)

Posts: 7,750

See profile

newbie40something wrote :
Hi CP.

First, it sounds like you are in a good place right now and I am happy for you.

I just wanted to put something else out there. I think that for the most part, children like to know who they came from. Not all, though. But, there may be some of these children that feel they didn't get that opportunity if the sperm donor is anonymous. So, should we give that some thought? I'm sure a lot of these children are not affected by it, but there may be some that are.

Just throwing that out there.......
thanks newbie. I am in a pretty good place -- though I can't understand why some still feel the need to bash me and disect my previous relationship (as if they were sitting on the couch observing the entire thing) on another thread....certainly doesn't help me or anyone else.

Anyway. Yes, I think what you point is definitley one of the risks with this. I also think it would be very hard to deal with judgement from co-workers and family (perhaps).

I think the co-worker situation would be one of the most uncomfortable issues -- people would have questions, what do you tell them?

It almost seems like the kind of thing you might change your whole life for....like, move to another town and start over. perhaps.
 
  Reply With Quote
NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #24  June 20,2010, 11:48am
NYCpigeon's Avatar

There are oceans of feelings between us

Veteran

Joined: Oct 2009

Brooklyn, NY

Posts: 1,199

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
How is it possible for a woman to get more e-mails from men than she can even reply to, yet find no one suitable?

Perplexing.
Those emails are solicitations for sex, not for having long-term relationships that include starting families.


D_Lion wrote :
That's why I accepted the 1% premise - to allow for a variety of compatibility issues.

I believe that most young-ish women (probably you too) have had access to a pool of men sufficiently large to effectivly be screening for a 99th percentile - and still leave a usefully large result (not that I agree these women are themselves deserving of such a near-perfect man.)

***

I don't mind (that much) being ignored and dismissed in my 20's and 30's, as I am content that I will get some good, accomplished - and childless - women, who aged themselves right out of their excess demands and dismissiveness.
You dismiss people too. You have prefernces just like everyone else. And if you were matched , for example, with an overweight woman, you would not date her. This is called dismissing and you do it too. Let's be honest.

Also, as was stated, men who are available to start families usually do so in their early to mid-twenties. A woman who is not ready at that time will have difficulty meeting such a man later on, say in her thirties.
newbie40something wrote :
Hi CP.

First, it sounds like you are in a good place right now and I am happy for you.

I just wanted to put something else out there. I think that for the most part, children like to know who they came from. Not all, though. But, there may be some of these children that feel they didn't get that opportunity if the sperm donor is anonymous. So, should we give that some thought? I'm sure a lot of these children are not affected by it, but there may be some that are.

Just throwing that out there.......
There is a sperm bank that contracts with men who are willing to participate in the child's life if the woman so chooses. They also allow for the child to search for them when they become adults. One caveat, however, most sperm banks derive their candidtates from university campuses. As such, the child's father may be significantly younger than his/her mother.
 
  Reply With Quote
cp30 is offline cp30 Post #25  June 20,2010, 12:04pm

has only threatened to give up

Power Poster

Joined: Dec 2007

Up in the NW corner somewhere, but not quite Canada :)

Posts: 7,750

See profile

Thanks for that information NYC.

I think one of the biggest concerns is how the child would handle the knowledge of where he came from.

If I were to do something like this I believe I'd worry about how to explain it and worry that the child would be unhappy.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #26  June 20,2010, 12:13pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,642

See profile

But, they are still a unique person who would otherwise not be alive at all. That ought to count for something.

Also, any upset the child has has to be considered in light of the normal range of upsets that happen anyway.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #27  June 20,2010, 12:25pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,642

See profile

NYCpigeon wrote :
Those emails are solicitations for sex, not for having long-term relationships that include starting families.
Not all of them.

Even if we discard 90%, that is going to leave 100's per year, from good, normal guys - who are ignored by women.

My e-mails are appropriate, I only write women where there are zero stated incompatibilities - and I am ignored 95% of the time at least.


NYCpigeon wrote :
You dismiss people too. You have prefernces just like everyone else. And if you were matched , for example, with an overweight woman, you would not date her. This is called dismissing and you do it too. Let's be honest.
Oh, I never claimed not to. I close 75% of profiles for clear incompatibility (probably would be 95% if I could see photos.)

But - I answer most messages, and I do not discard people until I checked enough to be sure. In fact, two hours ago I declined a women who is 99% likely a fraud profile (four messages from me, and she has yet to ask or answer a single question - just one-line replies with her yahoo e-mail.)

More to the point, I do not for one moment agree that I would be unable to find multiple good partners out of thousands of messages (plus coworkers, persons at the gym, persons who approach at random, etc.)

I have a lack of sympathy for this problem, since it is a self-caused problem.


NYCpigeon wrote :
Also, as was stated, men who are available to start families usually do so in their early to mid-twenties. A woman who is not ready at that time will have difficulty meeting such a man later on, say in her thirties.
These days, for professionals in the OP's peer group, that is not really a valid application of data. Educated persons often are not marrying until around 30 or later.
 
  Reply With Quote
cp30 is offline cp30 Post #28  June 20,2010, 12:29pm

has only threatened to give up

Power Poster

Joined: Dec 2007

Up in the NW corner somewhere, but not quite Canada :)

Posts: 7,750

See profile

dlion -- you don't want kids right?

So how can you use yourself as a case of being able to find an appropriate partner as some kind of proof?
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #29  June 20,2010, 12:38pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

cp30 wrote :
Most women could get knocked up. But personally I think I'd rather have an anonymous donor than a real life jerk to deal with.
He needn't be a jerk. Wouldn't women rather have the control of actually seeing and interacting with the man they want to be a 'donor' rather than just reading something off a chart? And in any case, you needn't 'interact' with him that long even if he is a little bit of a jerk.
 
  Reply With Quote
cp30 is offline cp30 Post #30  June 20,2010, 12:43pm

has only threatened to give up

Power Poster

Joined: Dec 2007

Up in the NW corner somewhere, but not quite Canada :)

Posts: 7,750

See profile

jayjay wrote :
He needn't be a jerk. Wouldn't women rather have the control of actually seeing and interacting with the man they want to be a 'donor' rather than just reading something off a chart? And in any case, you needn't 'interact' with him that long even if he is a little bit of a jerk.
not sure what you mean:

do you mean getting a guy to agree to be a donor? and actually sleeping with him?

do you mean tricking a guy into being a father and never telling him about it?

both options seem too messy to me!

I guess you could ask a friend or something, and still do it 'articfically' but it still seems messy to me.

Anyway I don't know JayJay, never thought about a lot of these things before.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Young men are more vulnerable in relationships | About You | Bitter to Better? What a difference a vowel makes. »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Crazy Ladies and Sexist Pigs j0hn8andy Creative Writing! 23 October 6,2010 5:59pm
Sorry Ladies: Christian Men Do It. Want It. Like It. deistdreamer Christian Singles 157 June 15,2010 8:43pm
Question for the ladies... BobinFla let's talk about sex 8 May 3,2010 10:09am
Ladies on that all-important first date ... nightling Dating 100 March 26,2010 6:54pm
LADIES Dating A Metrosexual BuckUp Dating 16 March 4,2010 6:49am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Part II: (commenting on paragraphs from dotted line, down):This concept is not regional at all. I have lived all over the US, travelled quite a bit of the world, and dated and had mutually ... ” –  JoesComments

Join the “who pays?” discussion

“You should ask yourself what made you write such a mean spirited post. I do hope you don't behave like that in real life and you just want to impress other posters with your witty remark.That post ... ” –  Becky1976

Join the “RED flags for women” discussion

“Some young women like muscular men. Some don't. I think it's a fallacy to assume all of any group (or sub-group) like X. Like, all women like "bad boys" etc. There are a lot of women out there, ... ” –  nv1983

Join the “Young women and muscular men.” discussion

“Don't forget To add Richard Clark to that list. Bad year for musicians altogether, and the man that created a lot of them with his show. They WILL be missed GREATLY. Suzie” –  1Horselady

Join the “Barry Gibbs Gravely Ill, in Coma” discussion

“I replied to her post the way I did, because that is what she wrote. The Peace & Quiet was her idea and NOT mine. I'm sorry that I have confused people even more explaining my actions.Suzie” –  1Horselady

Join the “9 dates and then poof?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:04pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0