Ladies: How to Make a Connection


Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
grlnxtdr is offline grlnxtdr Post #11  June 27,2010, 11:29am
grlnxtdr's Avatar

If nice guys finish last, I'll be waiting by the finish line, Hurry up!

Pacesetter

Joined: Nov 2008

Southern California

Posts: 308

See profile

This applies to me so much! I have no problem connecting with people I am not attracted too. The minute I find a guy attractive, I become standoffish and shy. I won't hardly look at him, answer with one word answers and seem unintersested, when in fact the opposite is true. This is proabably why I have no problem talking with men who are attractive but married...they are unavailiable, so therefore not a threat. The second I know an atrractive guy is single, I go into hiding.

Well at least I know my problem now. I have to smile at the hot ones if I want them to talk to me. I have tried it before, but then I over play it, and I end up gushing which can back fire as well. Arggg...oh well I have to learn to play it cool, but not too cool.
 
  Reply With Quote
GentleDoc is offline GentleDoc Post #12  July 3,2010, 4:18pm
GentleDoc's Avatar

sees the light coming up on a new dawn!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jul 2010

Philly area

Posts: 3,316

See profile

I am one of those guys who, if I'm looking at a woman and she turns and meets my gaze, will turn away. I think I have this idea that she'll be uncomfortable finding me looking at her, or think it's creepy, or something. So, if she looks nice, do I hold the gaze and smile???? What do you women think?
 
  Reply With Quote
dahlimema is offline dahlimema Post #13  July 3,2010, 6:22pm
dahlimema's Avatar

Life is Goo..........;)

Sage

Joined: Sep 2009

Texas

Posts: 20,284

See profile

GentleDoc,
If I saw you looking at me, my response would be to smile,slight nod of my head, then slowly turn my gaze away.
You can bet that at some other point during the evening, I would be checking to see if you were looking again.

If I saw you looking again you better approach me and tell me you admire my shoes.

If a woman catches you looking, then a smile, nod of the head and slowly turn your gaze away she will not think it's creepy.

The second time compliment her shoes!
 
  Reply With Quote
nightling is offline nightling Post #14  July 4,2010, 6:57am
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,939

See profile

wrote :
Jenny was in awe of the songwriter/guitarist in the live rhythm-and-blues band she was watching with her friends. She thought, “Hot, talented guys like him would never give someone like me the time of day.” But when they took a break, she gathered up the courage to talk to him: “What inspires you and where did you learn to play?” With a blank look he answered, “Um…just everything and everywhere, I guess.” Jenny discovered the difference between his persona and his personality.
I have to shake my head at this. Writers and songwriters get this sort of question ALL the time and it gets really really old. Plus there is really no good answer to it. ideas come from everywhere.

His answer probably did not reflect any difference between his persona and personality as this article suggests. It probably reflected that he is bored with getting that question and/or the inspiration was too deeply personal to share with a total stranger.

Don't ask an artist, writer, songwriter this question or anything like it to introduce yourself. It will not make you stand out from the crowd.
 
  Reply With Quote
eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #15  July 4,2010, 11:24am

Moderator

Joined: Sep 2008

Pasadena, California

Posts: 1,814

See profile

grlnxtdr wrote :
This applies to me so much! I have no problem connecting with people I am not attracted too. The minute I find a guy attractive, I become standoffish and shy. I won't hardly look at him, answer with one word answers and seem unintersested, when in fact the opposite is true. This is proabably why I have no problem talking with men who are attractive but married...they are unavailiable, so therefore not a threat. The second I know an atrractive guy is single, I go into hiding.

Well at least I know my problem now. I have to smile at the hot ones if I want them to talk to me. I have tried it before, but then I over play it, and I end up gushing which can back fire as well. Arggg...oh well I have to learn to play it cool, but not too cool.
Hi Grlnxtdr –
Welcome to the “club”. Hey, let me know how it goes. You could end up having a lot of new experiences!

GentleDoc wrote :
I am one of those guys who, if I'm looking at a woman and she turns and meets my gaze, will turn away. I think I have this idea that she'll be uncomfortable finding me looking at her, or think it's creepy, or something. So, if she looks nice, do I hold the gaze and smile???? What do you women think?
Hi GentleDoc –

Good question. It’s hard to say without “seeing” you and knowing your specific approach, but it seems like the same rules would apply to men as women. But, these articles might help give some insight.

Pickup Lines that Actually Work
Creepy Behavior That Men should Avoid when Dating

(Not that you’re a "creep" at all, by the way – but your question reminded me of the article.)

Hope this is helpful!

nightling wrote :
I have to shake my head at this. Writers and songwriters get this sort of question ALL the time and it gets really really old. Plus there is really no good answer to it. ideas come from everywhere.

His answer probably did not reflect any difference between his persona and personality as this article suggests. It probably reflected that he is bored with getting that question and/or the inspiration was too deeply personal to share with a total stranger.

Don't ask an artist, writer, songwriter this question or anything like it to introduce yourself. It will not make you stand out from the crowd.
Hi Nightling –

I see your point. My friend may have been reading into this (and hence, I may have misrepresented him second-hand). I guess in my experience, though, performers tend to at least be friendly and open to fans – even if it’s just for the sake of self-promotion. They tend to grab any chance they can get to widen the fan base and get exposure – e.g. “here’s my card, my website will give you more information about where I get my material.” So my friend’s situation seemed off to me.

Whether or not hers was a good question to ask the performer, I think it still reveals the “content” of this individual – whether it was “blank”, “annoyance”, or “disinterest”, it was still non-relational, and not an opening for further connection of any kind!

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
  Reply With Quote
saabdu2001 is offline saabdu2001 Post #16  July 6,2010, 7:53am
saabdu2001's Avatar

is at home.

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2010

Iowa

Posts: 9

See profile

I tend to do this as well, something about woman intodays world. I catch their eye, and once I notice they notice me, I turn my attend else were. yes it's a game I play and I try to get them to make there advancment towards me. in the larger cities woman do not communicate either body language or eye movment. strange as it is. I travel and out lying areas woman actually talk and they make eye contact.
body language either way, makes it for an interesting conversation........
 
Thanks
Bill
 
  Reply With Quote
GentleDoc is offline GentleDoc Post #17  July 7,2010, 6:14pm
GentleDoc's Avatar

sees the light coming up on a new dawn!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jul 2010

Philly area

Posts: 3,316

See profile

dahlimema wrote :
GentleDoc,
If I saw you looking at me, my response would be to smile,slight nod of my head, then slowly turn my gaze away.
You can bet that at some other point during the evening, I would be checking to see if you were looking again.

If I saw you looking again you better approach me and tell me you admire my shoes.

If a woman catches you looking, then a smile, nod of the head and slowly turn your gaze away she will not think it's creepy.

The second time compliment her shoes!
Sheesh. Where were you years ago with this advice??? (Ok, never mind. It's only recently that I've begun to notice women's shoes anyway.)

Seriously, I REALLY appreciate the advice. Especially since it makes sense and it's something I can comfortably do. Anything else, any other words of wisdom for me?

I've been told I flirt well, but whatever it is that I'm doing, I come by it naturally because I don't try to do anything except be myself.

Thanks again. Nice people here! I like you folks. Happy to have joined in with you.
 
  Reply With Quote
mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #18  February 21,2011, 6:54am
mitchell175's Avatar

mixing metaphors in a mellifluous melange of malapropisms

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2010

Boston, MA... or thereabouts

Posts: 6,361

See profile

Good article. I definitely suffer from "look away" syndrome. Articles like this help me to remember that kind of thing when I meet new people.
It is exhausting, though, having to remember all of this stuff. I hope that with more practice, this will all become more natural.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Discrimination from Eharmony's members. | About You | How many times... »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Ladies on that all-important first date ... nightling Dating 100 March 26,2010 6:54pm
What would you change to make YOU a better Date?! jussmile Dating 16 February 9,2010 5:35am
How long does it take to know whether or not you feel a connection with someone? andisueks Dating 14 June 28,2009 5:55pm
Ladies, would you date a guy who recently became unemployed? kyjohng Dating 10 May 18,2009 4:16am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“my husband died when our son was 30 months old. It still seems to be a central tenet of his relationship with the world. dragging past the cancer for the last 2 years and trying to reassure ... ” –  lada2

Join the “Has anyone lost their mother at a young age? How did it change your life?...or did it?” discussion

“What I hate is when i have said "It was nice to meet you." Then I have had the guy jump in and say "You too. I'd like to see you again." And then I am standing there looking for a way to tell him ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Saying what you mean...” discussion

“I've had the "wanna chat" message more than once.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “RED flags for women” discussion

“I thoroughly enjoy being an emotionally unhealthy and immature man!” –  Raw_Truth

Join the “Anyone ever try a professional matchmaker?” discussion

“i suspect he is not agonizing over it nearly as much as you are. i suffer from the stereotypical thinkking that guys are fine with separating feelings from yearnings Right up until they're not. ... ” –  D_Lion

Join the “Question on casual dating?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 10:57pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0