hummusgirl is offline hummusgirl Post #1  June 15,2010, 6:39am
hummusgirl's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 1

See profile

I don't know what to do about men! I'm scared, nervous, awkward around them. Don't get me wrong, I have guy friends, but when it comes to romance and/or relationships I get very uptight and tense and don't know how to deal with this anymore! Is there something wrong with me? And now I joined eharmony to get myself out there and I feel like I'm going to be rejected all over again. I feel like relationships suck and I don't even have much experience with them. I need a wake up call...
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  June 15,2010, 7:02am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,059

See profile

hummusgirl wrote :
I don't know what to do about men! I'm scared, nervous, awkward around them. Don't get me wrong, I have guy friends, but when it comes to romance and/or relationships I get very uptight and tense and don't know how to deal with this anymore! Is there something wrong with me? And now I joined eharmony to get myself out there and I feel like I'm going to be rejected all over again. I feel like relationships suck and I don't even have much experience with them. I need a wake up call...
Hi hummusgirl!

I bolded that sentence because it's really important! and good that you know this. It sounds like you have a fear of the unknown, which is just wired into human beings. Perhaps you need to cut yourself a little slack? There's no reason to think you should be entirely at ease in a situation that's completely new to you.

You're right ... there's a lot of rejection involved in dating. Rejection is survivable. All it means is, you and this guy are not a good match. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of you.

There's a big payoff for tolerating the fear and anxiety though. A romantic relationship can be one of the best experiences possible in life. It's worth going to some trouble, and having some pain, about.

Are you awake now? lol. Seriously ... it's great you've decided to dive into the pool. Keep your eyes on the prize.
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  June 15,2010, 7:29am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,730

See profile

Guys are scary? How so? You say that you have guy friends - I assume that you enjoy and appreciate their company. So a boyfriend is still the same guy friend with one distinct exception - you are physically drawn to him, you want to touch him and kiss him and so on.... Also, you do kind of have it easy in this respect - if he likes you the same way, he'll lead the way - all you have to do is follow and let things happen as you wish. The important thing to get is that the right guy will actually make you feel comfortable and at ease with him and yourself.

As for relationships....how can something ever be good if you already decided it sucks? It can't. So time to have an attitude change. Look around at people who are happy in their relationships - learn from them. You will start to notice some very common characteristics and attitudes that every happy couple shares in how they treat each other and react to each others flaws. This is important to learn and observe because it will serve you well in building a happy relationship of your own.

Finally, take responsibility for yourself. You are exactly 50% of the relationship. That means that you personally have a whole lot of control on how each relationship goes and whether it sucks or is happy. Think about it from your own perspective - do you like people who are constantly angry, whiny, and negative or do you like people who are fun, easy going and charismatic? You are very much in control on how you carry yourself and how you react to the world around you. Be the person you'd want to hang out with yourself.
 
  Reply With Quote
hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #4  June 15,2010, 8:13am

Isn't afraid to tell you what he thinks of you.

Veteran

Joined: Jan 2010

Posts: 1,198

See profile

hummusgirl wrote :
I don't know what to do about men! I'm scared, nervous, awkward around them. Don't get me wrong, I have guy friends, but when it comes to romance and/or relationships I get very uptight and tense and don't know how to deal with this anymore! Is there something wrong with me? And now I joined eharmony to get myself out there and I feel like I'm going to be rejected all over again. I feel like relationships suck and I don't even have much experience with them. I need a wake up call...
You should be scared. Have you ever seen Twilight?
 
  Reply With Quote
Emme0264 is offline Emme0264 Post #5  June 15,2010, 3:30pm
Emme0264's Avatar

formerly Andie0264

Pacesetter

Joined: Jun 2010

Massachusetts

Posts: 331

See profile

I would approach dating the same way you deal with your male friends. Aim for creating a frienship with the guy, and then be open for more if it looks like that could develop. As someone above stated, boyfriends are just male friends once removed, with an added dimension. I behave around my BFs the same as I do around male friends, for the most part, except I don't kiss and hold hands with my friends. Treat him the same was as you would a friend. That might take away much of your alleged awkwardness. My guess is that your "awkwardness" isn't apparent to those around you. You may just have a knot in your stomach that no one else can see!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Wanting a woman's perspective | About You | First Date »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“my husband died when our son was 30 months old. It still seems to be a central tenet of his relationship with the world. dragging past the cancer for the last 2 years and trying to reassure ... ” –  lada2

Join the “Has anyone lost their mother at a young age? How did it change your life?...or did it?” discussion

“What I hate is when i have said "It was nice to meet you." Then I have had the guy jump in and say "You too. I'd like to see you again." And then I am standing there looking for a way to tell him ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Saying what you mean...” discussion

“I've had the "wanna chat" message more than once.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “RED flags for women” discussion

“I thoroughly enjoy being an emotionally unhealthy and immature man!” –  Raw_Truth

Join the “Anyone ever try a professional matchmaker?” discussion

“i suspect he is not agonizing over it nearly as much as you are. i suffer from the stereotypical thinkking that guys are fine with separating feelings from yearnings Right up until they're not. ... ” –  D_Lion

Join the “Question on casual dating?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 10:49pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0