Young men are more vulnerable in relationships


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nightling is offline nightling Post #1  June 15,2010, 6:05am
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Contrary to popular wisdom perhaps ...

Young men more vulnerable to relationship ups and downs than women
Even though men sometimes try to present a tough face, unhappy romances take a greater emotional toll on men than women, Simon says. They just express their distress differently than women.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  June 15,2010, 6:46am
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I guess I should be glad I'm getting old.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #3  June 15,2010, 6:48am
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tweet37 wrote :
I guess I should be glad I'm getting old.
lol
I guess the study didn't look at oldies, tweet. But who knows maybe it still applies to the old ones, the good ones anyway.
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #4  June 15,2010, 7:19am

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Thanks for posting this, nightling. I have a different idea for why men are more vulnerable than the postulate the researcher put forth. (his isn't cynical enough IMO)

wrote :
Simon suggests a possible explanation for the findings: For young men, their romantic partners are often their primary source of intimacy -- in contrast to young women who are more likely to have close relationships with family and friends. Strain in a current romantic relationship may also be associated with poor emotional well-being because it threatens young men's identity and feelings of self-worth, she says.
Personally I don't think it has anything to do with social outlets so much as it has to do with goals.

I can't speak for everyone, but it's been my experience that a guy trying to get a woman for a relationship is doing just that. TRYING TO GET THE WOMAN.

Women are doing something much different. They're not seeing a guy and saying "he's cute, he's smart, he's nice. That's good enough for me". They're seeing a guy and saying, "he's okay, but is he rich enough? What kind of job does he have? Am I going to actually have to hold down a job in order for us to have a million dollar home and for me to drive a new Mercedes every year?"

So the point is, men truly invest their emotion directly with the woman. Some women don't really invest in the relationship at all. (they're just good at faking it) They treat it more like a job.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #5  June 15,2010, 7:30am

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hankscorpio wrote :
Thanks for posting this, nightling. I have a different idea for why men are more vulnerable than the postulate the researcher put forth. (his isn't cynical enough IMO)



Personally I don't think it has anything to do with social outlets so much as it has to do with goals.

I can't speak for everyone, but it's been my experience that a guy trying to get a woman for a relationship is doing just that. TRYING TO GET THE WOMAN.

Women are doing something much different. They're not seeing a guy and saying "he's cute, he's smart, he's nice. That's good enough for me". They're seeing a guy and saying, "he's okay, but is he rich enough? What kind of job does he have? Am I going to actually have to hold down a job in order for us to have a million dollar home and for me to drive a new Mercedes every year?"

So the point is, men truly invest their emotion directly with the woman. Some women don't really invest in the relationship at all. (they're just good at faking it) They treat it more like a job.
I don't think it's that severe. i think a few women are like that, and the majority of women do care if a guy is financially stable (especially if they want a family) and a few don't care at all.

but i do suspect that the more beautiful women are like that. that's the trade off- beauty and money.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #6  June 15,2010, 7:41am

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but, like anything, if every single person you* date has the same MO then you are picking the wrong people to date.

*the collective you
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #7  June 15,2010, 8:00am

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scarlet13 wrote :
I don't think it's that severe. i think a few women are like that, and the majority of women do care if a guy is financially stable (especially if they want a family) and a few don't care at all.

but i do suspect that the more beautiful women are like that. that's the trade off- beauty and money.
Yes, I exaggerate to make the point clear. Obviously every woman is not cut from the same cloth. It does seem that online sites really intensify the phenomenon, too.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #8  June 15,2010, 8:04am

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hankscorpio wrote :
Yes, I exaggerate to make the point clear. Obviously every woman is not cut from the same cloth. It does seem that online sites really intensify the phenomenon, too.
yes. i think online, it's easier to have a list of qualifiers that may not be the most realistic, or that one would toss in the garbage if they met someone in RL and the spark was such that they just *feel* they have to get to know the person better, list or no.

i do think women generally are more picky. or, rather, they have more things they are picky about. it's biology i think.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #9  June 15,2010, 8:11am
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I don't know any women who go into a relationship as you've described, Hank. I'm sorry if you've encountered such people.

I would say rather than that being a gender issue, that was just an issue where they don't respect the rights and feelings of others and they are selfish and shallow. There are guys like that too. They want a woman who is arm candy rather than a real girl.

Personally, what I want is just someone who is self-directed. But I ain't interested in what goes into keeping up with a million dollar mansion. /shrug
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  June 15,2010, 6:31pm
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hankscorpio wrote :
Thanks for posting this, nightling. I have a different idea for why men are more vulnerable than the postulate the researcher put forth. (his isn't cynical enough IMO)

I think another issue is the great ease young women have finding partners.

When you can open Match and have a few hundred e-mail every week, there is just no reason not to pick the best 10% even to answer. Then the best 2% to meet, and they develop a false sense of what they're worth.

Meanwhile, the norm for men is to find it random, sporadic, and unpredictable when they will even be answered.

***

As to the gold-diggers, just cut them off at the first sign. Especially if your values toward the role of women are in accordance, this just isn't that big a limitation to even consider any other option.
 
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