Do the words in our profiles lack meaning?


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annother is offline annother Post #1  June 5,2010, 5:53pm
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This question derives from a comment in the thread on independence.

When we write about ourselves in our profiles, are the words meaningless because they lack context or background?
Are they meaningless because they could be lies?
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #2  June 5,2010, 9:55pm
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Not meaningless, no, i'd say more along the lines of taken as a crafted and polished presentation of how we would like to be or be seen to be. They can still tell you a lot about a person even when taken with a pinch of salt, and shout volumes when you meet the person and compare reality to profile.
 
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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #3  June 5,2010, 10:39pm
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When writing a profile, I of course try to put my best foot forward but I'm honest too. I've read what I've written to some of my friends and they have confirmed what I say about myself is the truth without embellishments.

Oh and yes, words are meaningless if in person you aren't who you say you are. I've had some men describe themselves as kind or nice, and after dating them for a bit I realize that their actions are not kind or nice. I always say that actions speak louder than words, and in order to know this you have to take the time to get to know someone. Sometimes it just comes down to chemistry so that you bring out the best in each other, and sometimes I believe that the words people write are who they would like to be but aren't necessarily who they are now. In the end, I give men a chance in person and watch their actions and if they are true to who they say they are.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #4  June 6,2010, 3:31am

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annother wrote :
This question derives from a comment in the thread on independence.

When we write about ourselves in our profiles, are the words meaningless because they lack context or background?
Are they meaningless because they could be lies?
i don't think they are meaningless.

however, I did put in my profile that i am financially independent, because, IME, there are a lot of men that believe that women are looking for a sugar daddy. and , a lot of men's profiles state that they have a good job, etc.

maybe that's wrong of me to do though- my job isn't to make people feel secure dating me. or is it? I dunno.
 
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charmed59 is offline charmed59 Post #5  June 6,2010, 7:26am
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scarlet13 wrote :
however, I did put in my profile that i am financially independent, because, IME, there are a lot of men that believe that women are looking for a sugar daddy. and , a lot of men's profiles state that they have a good job, etc.
Have you gotten any feedback from dates on that? I wonder, as that is often one of the first questions a match will ask me on the first meeting. They are always happy to hear the answer, but I guess it didn't occur to me there are women looking for someone to support them, so perhaps it is better to put it out there.
 
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Daphnie is offline Daphnie Post #6  June 6,2010, 7:33am
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My BF and I were matched on eH. I like what he wrote in his profile and remember all the details. But I soon find out that he doesn't remember what I have on my profile. Not only that, he told me not to pay much attention to what he put in his profile. I was a little disappointed when I heard that.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  June 6,2010, 9:15am
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In my experience:

Words which convey quantifiable data tend to be truthful, and the most useful:

- Educational attainment, precise occupational description, current continuing education, specific recreational activities detailed ("nearly every weekend I can be found ...")

Words which should be communicated in form and content, which are instead listed as traits, have been a bad sign of wishful thinking and unwarranted sense of self at best, and deceipt at worst:

- Listing "I have a sense of humor / I'm intelligent," when nothing in the profile indicated either, is a bad sign.

- "My friends say / my family says ..." whatever - this has usually meant they aren't. "People say I look like [name of television celibrity I had to Google]" really must be looking from outer space.

Lists of expectations / entitlements / demands:

- "I'm successful and own my house, so you had better too." Every one of these women has been a mooch - and most were up to their ears in personal debt. Skip the demands and aggrandizement (actual successful people aren't impressed.)

Personal detail which suggests a lifestyle / role are better:

- "I enjoy Mediterranian cooking, my dogs Barkasaorus and FleeMason, and travel, especially to afford the study of European history."

***

As Mark Twain said, the right word is the difference between a lightening bug, and lightening.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  June 6,2010, 9:44am
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They're not meaningless: people respond positively or negatively to them, so something's getting conveyed.

They can't possibly mean a whole lot though ... how can you sum up someone who's been alive for X years and is a whole universe unto themselves in a half-page? Unless you're one of the world's great writers, you can't.
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #9  June 6,2010, 11:19am
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D_Lion wrote :
precise occupational description
I am deliberately imprecise about my occupation in my profile. I quickly realised that a precise description makes it very easy for any match to track down personal information (address, phone number, etc.) that I don't really want someone I'm closing to have access to.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  June 6,2010, 11:29am
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I can see your point.

What I am thinking of is more the people who are so uselessly vague that they scream "life not on track."
 
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