Has Your Lack of Dating Made You Bitter?


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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #1  May 28,2010, 8:51am
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Well has it?

Do you feel that your lack of getting dates (or dating on a regular basis) has left you with a cynical outlook on life? And because you may display a more bitter outlook on things, has this in turn also crippled your chance at success in your love life?
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #2  May 28,2010, 9:20am
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No. But then I don't view dating or relationships as the be-all, end-all of my life. Maybe it's an age thing, but there are just so many other things in the world to focus on besides whether or not I'm in a relationship.

Would I like to be? Sure - more often than not. But I'm also perfectly fine on my own until if and when that happens. This probably hurts me in terms of dating and relationships more than anything else - I'd truly rather be alone than with someone who doesn't add value to my life.

And, IMO, there are much bigger things that are worthy of bitterness or cynicism if that's the way one chooses to go.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #3  May 28,2010, 10:16am
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I think it's helpful to focus on all the things that are right about your life ... and to actively plan activities that are important to you so that there is less attention on the one aspect that is going "wrong" and a sense of satisfaction for the things that are going right.



Just my 2 fwiw.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  May 28,2010, 10:22am
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At 55, no, it really doesn't bother me.

When I was younger, it made me unhappy sometimes, and sometimes I developed a rancid attitude towards men because of feeling rejected.

It's a challenge!
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #5  May 28,2010, 10:29am
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greg75 wrote :
Well has it?

Do you feel that your lack of getting dates (or dating on a regular basis) has left you with a cynical outlook on life? And because you may display a more bitter outlook on things, has this in turn also crippled your chance at success in your love life?
Jack Bauer never feels sorry for himself.
Last edited by TheThinker; May 28,2010 at 10:30am. Reason: ...remember... WWJBD?!
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #6  May 28,2010, 10:31am
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Nope. I enjoy my alone time between dating, and remind myself to make the most of it as someday I'll look back and don't want to think I wasted my "free" days.

Dating is nice with the right person, but there are lots of other things in life that are just as nice.
 
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OldManNoah is offline OldManNoah Post #7  May 28,2010, 10:36am
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In my younger years there were some hard feelings about the whole thing. But life teaches lessons. After spending time with someone who would NOT leave me alone but always went about it in a nice way, so it was hard to be angry about it, I got to praying for alone time. Srsly! Now I value it so much more.

Plus after 20 yrs of relationships that were difficult and stressful I'd so much rather be alone.

If some one good shows up, well that'd be cool. But it's not a big deal if they don't.
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #8  May 28,2010, 10:48am
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No! I just joined the group "Love in the fast lane." I am optimistic. I let myself get happy about meet ups even if they might not work out at all. They help me learn something about myself and learn to be more assertive and better communicate my needs. And they are a chance. My life is full, I do everything myself when it comes to my household. I have a stable and successful marriage under my belt, that was ended by sudden death. I don't need anyone, I WANT someone. I won't settle. It's a good place to be.

Keep hope alive.
 
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ravitaekwondo is offline ravitaekwondo Post #9  May 28,2010, 10:49am
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Hey there Greg75,

There was at one time I was bitter. But, since my last relationship, I really think I have matured a lot in this regard. Sure, I would love to have somebody, who wouldn't??? I have made known to my friends I am available, and to be on the "lookout" (for lack of a better term). I am looking, but not desperately looking.

Between job interviewing, launching my tech start up, working out, training for my third black belt and soon to start the belt system in brazilian ju jitsu, and studying for a major security exam i have to take in a few months, I really have not had too much time to think about the dating scene, like at one time I did.

I guess my only sense of frustration is the lack of communication on eH (not the advice boards, the women here totally rock). There are some women I realy want to meet, but they never respond. I called eH about this, and they said to take my profile thing again. Don't know if that will help. I think eH needs to get rid of this free thing, or just keep it for a very limited time. It is not fair to us paying members.
 
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #10  May 28,2010, 10:56am
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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
No. But then I don't view dating or relationships as the be-all, end-all of my life. Maybe it's an age thing, but there are just so many other things in the world to focus on besides whether or not I'm in a relationship.

Would I like to be? Sure - more often than not. But I'm also perfectly fine on my own until if and when that happens. This probably hurts me in terms of dating and relationships more than anything else - I'd truly rather be alone than with someone who doesn't add value to my life.

And, IMO, there are much bigger things that are worthy of bitterness or cynicism if that's the way one chooses to go.
I feel exactly like this. Well said.
 
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