Another need to vent thread


Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
niceguyeddie is offline niceguyeddie Post #1  April 14,2010, 12:20pm
niceguyeddie's Avatar

do i have to write in 3rd person?

Newbie

Joined: Apr 2010

southern california

Posts: 8

See profile

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I've just been in a rut romantically for basically my entire life and I just needed to rant, and I guess it's easier to rant to strangers.

I realize that guys need to be confident and assertive to be attractive, and that an insecure guy is a huge turn off for women. But every single gal that I have ever liked has not liked me back. The only gals that ever liked me were emotionally unstable stalkers, the kind that you have to get restraining orders on.

So anyway I am feeling extremely insecure about myself right now and I can't understand what it is about me that girls don't like. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of platonic female friends. And they always try to assure me that I'll find someone. It's just been so long and to be honest it's kind of a rare thing that I find a girl that I'm interested in, and when every time I get shot down by that girl it starts to take a toll on my confidence.

I try to look at myself and judge whether I'm a "good catch" a lot. I don't want to sound cocky but I don't think I'm that bad.

1. I'm still in my twenties for a few more months so I'm relatively young.

2. I have an OK paying job and live in a nice condo and drive a nice car.

3. My life is pretty interesting, I work for a TV station where I edit TV shows together and am sometimes a cameraman. I'm also heavily involved with my church where I mentor the teens, and my favorite hobby is breakdancing. I guess a lot of girls think breakdancing is too juvenile? Really though, I live in LA which is an entertainment mecca so I would think that such hobbies are acceptable here.

4. I don't think I'm ugly. Looks wise on a scale of 1-10 I would say I'm like in between a 6 and 7. I will say this though, I've been told by more than one attractive girl that I'm hot.

5. I'm responsible, I don't party, don't cheat, don't lie, I'm loyal, committed, etc etc.

A big hindrance to my love life has been the fact that I just don't meet a lot of new people. I see the same girls at work and church day in and day out and there hasn't been anyone there that clicked with me. Some people think I'm too picky. Maybe I am, I dunno. I will say that I am very strong in my faith and I am looking for a girl who shares a similar commitment to faith. But aside from that, all I'm looking for is someone who I can get along with, and someone who is interesting! All the girls that I have met that are like that are either taken or have not been interested in me. I'm not super picky when it comes to outward attractiveness either, if they have inner beauty you start to get attracted to their outward appearance you know?

So, my downsides: I'm 5'7" so I'm not tall, I'm not white (which is a positive or a negative depending on the girl), yes I can be insecure at times, and my conversation skills are still a work in progress (I tend to listen more than speak, but sometimes girls interpret this as shy or unassertive). Everyone's heard the saying "nice guys always finish last." That is exactly how I feel. So many times I just get stuck in the friend zone. It can hurt a guy's confidence after a while, you know? And I rarely ever get any interest on eharmony, so I've all but given up on that.

So I dunno, is there something else I'm doing wrong? I'm not a player, I'm not a smooth talker, and I don't act cocky with my confidence. Do I have to in order to get a girl interested? Is my humility interpreted as a lack of confidence? Also, I've noticed so many times it seems like a girl will brush you off if you're nice to them, only to come running to you as soon as you're a jerk to them. This frustrates me so much, because I want to be nice and I want to be treated nicely in return. GAAAH frustrated!!!
 
  Reply With Quote
PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #2  April 14,2010, 12:36pm

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2009

Posts: 6,908

See profile

niceguyeddie wrote :
I've just been in a rut romantically for basically my entire life

1. I'm still in my twenties for a few more months so I'm relatively young.
In poker terms:
I'd call your 'entire life' and raise ya by 10 years!

You said you live in LA....so from what I've heard, Southern Cal (especially LA) can be quite viscious when it comes to judging exterior characteristics (my south cal eha friends will forgive me!)

An 'average' weight for women everywhere else, would be considered 'overweight' by their standard.....'good job' everywhere else would be considered 'barely making it'. It's more about prestige more than anything over there.

Plus regarding about you being Asian....it depends, if people see being with Asian as an 'in' thing (like back in the late 70s during the explotion of Bruce Lee movies ) then you'd have easier time dating.
Last edited by PY_2; April 14,2010 at 12:36pm. Reason: Asian guys are the best- and I'm not biased! lol
 
  Reply With Quote
FairOne is offline FairOne Post #3  April 14,2010, 12:44pm
FairOne's Avatar

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 1,541

See profile

I don't think you are doing anything wrong. I just think you are in a rut, like you said. To get out of it, try doing some different things (meetup groups, visit other churches, etc.) This will hopefully put you in contact with new/different people and perhaps you will come across some women that interest you that are also interested in you!
 
  Reply With Quote
niceguyeddie is offline niceguyeddie Post #4  April 14,2010, 12:51pm
niceguyeddie's Avatar

do i have to write in 3rd person?

Newbie

Joined: Apr 2010

southern california

Posts: 8

See profile

@fairone thanks for the good advice. i just recently met an amazing girl who just wants to be friends and i'm not sure i'm ready to rebound from that just yet, even tho we were never more than just friends!

@py the ethnicity thing has never been a big deal to me, although sometimes i wonder if it's why certain girls don't give me the time of day. regardless, there are tons of asians here in socal and while it's more common to see asians dating other asians it's not that rare to see an asian dating outside their ethnicity, so hopefully my ethnicity isn't what's turning people off.
 
  Reply With Quote
PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #5  April 14,2010, 1:06pm

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2009

Posts: 6,908

See profile

My advice to you is not to worry, just wait a few more years, you'll be used to being single (like me) lol!

Think about the advantages....

1. Leaving your underwear on the floor and nobody nags you about it.
2. Order a large pizza (and not have to share!)
3. Order chinese take out (and not have to share!)
4. Buy a case of beer (and not have to share!)

but seriously, just hang out and join various groups and don't think too much about wanting to meet that special someone. They'll think you're desperate.

Plus ya can't change your ethnicity....regardless how much 409 you spray on, ya can't wash the yellow stain off! (), so might as well come to terms with this...if some women don't like you because of your ethnicity, then tough luck for them!
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  April 14,2010, 1:08pm
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,730

See profile

Sooo....you are not a player you are not this you are not that - great! ......BUT......what/who are you? Do you see what I'm getting at? What do you bring to the table? What do you offer? Why would I want to date YOU as opposed to Joe Blogs? I mean Joe Blogs also does not drink, does not do drugs, has a nice job, is fairly decent looking, opens doors, has manners, treats me well, etc. so why date you instead of Joe Blogs? That is the answer that you have to get across to the women in your first few dates. Otherwise you are just another nice guy blending well into the herd.
 
  Reply With Quote
niceguyeddie is offline niceguyeddie Post #7  April 14,2010, 1:14pm
niceguyeddie's Avatar

do i have to write in 3rd person?

Newbie

Joined: Apr 2010

southern california

Posts: 8

See profile

DancingFool wrote :
Sooo....you are not a player you are not this you are not that - great! ......BUT......what/who are you? Do you see what I'm getting at? What do you bring to the table?
lol r u kidding? did you read the part of my post where i list my positives? i work in the TV industry. i'm a hardcore on fire christian that actually cares about people, spends time mentoring youth. i breakdance, i have dreadlocks. i'm into hip hop culture. i work with outreaches that use hip hop as a method of teaching at-risk youth to not be so "at-risk." i didn't mention this but i'm also bilingual bicultural japanese. i know this stuff is either gonna be a turn on or a turn off for girls, but i think that's enough to set me apart from "average joe."
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  April 14,2010, 1:42pm
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,730

See profile

niceguyeddie wrote :
lol r u kidding? did you read the part of my post where i list my positives? i work in the TV industry. i'm a hardcore on fire christian that actually cares about people, spends time mentoring youth. i breakdance, i have dreadlocks. i'm into hip hop culture. i work with outreaches that use hip hop as a method of teaching at-risk youth to not be so "at-risk." i didn't mention this but i'm also bilingual bicultural japanese. i know this stuff is either gonna be a turn on or a turn off for girls, but i think that's enough to set me apart from "average joe."
Nope, all it tells is that you are busy and none of that is actually date/female friendly. Also, if I got a dime for every profile where a guy says how he loves kids and helping people I'd pay off the national debt and buy myself a private island. What I'm reading is a cold list of random activities and not seeing the person behind those activities...... For instance, what about the outreach program? How did you get involved, what do you like about it? At least in your post you come across as.....severe for lack of a better word, instead of fun. If that's how you come across on your dates too....well.....yeah....you'll have a hard time. There is a more positive, more appealing way to present all of the above information both online and in person so..... it's all just a suggestion and food for thought.
 
  Reply With Quote
niceguyeddie is offline niceguyeddie Post #9  April 14,2010, 2:10pm
niceguyeddie's Avatar

do i have to write in 3rd person?

Newbie

Joined: Apr 2010

southern california

Posts: 8

See profile

hmmm, i've never thought of it that way so i'm gonna have to process that. i really don't think i come across as severe in my dates tho. and i do have sense of humor, enjoy socializing and having fun. honestly speaking tho, i just don't go on a lot of dates!

let me share with you my last romantic interest tho. last month i was on a mission trip with my church to south africa, very beautiful country. while we were there, we prayed for people on the streets, saw people accept Christ and miraculously healed on the spot, crippled people throwing away their canes and jogging without limps. we also went to poorer areas where we passed out food to the hungry, went to schools where we face painted and played with kids with HIV. it was an amazing, life changing experience. while we were there i met a beautiful local girl who i developed a strong emotional connection with. she served with me everywhere that we went, and we shared a lot of serious as well as fun times together. we enjoyed each other's company very much, but she never gave me any indication of romantic interest.

i basically fell head over heels for this girl. but i was only in the country for 2 weeks, and we live an entire globe away from each other. on top of that, i heard from others that she had just recently broken up with a long term relationship. what was i to do? i desperately wanted to tell her how i felt but i knew it just wasn't the right thing to do. so i didn't, but before i left i gave her a very nice present and a thank you card with a very long and heartfelt message. i didn't tell her my feelings for her, but i kind of made it obvious without saying: i told her i'd cherish the memories we shared together for the rest of my life. i told myself, "i just want to be friends, but maybe if we remain close i could get to know her better and find out if we are compatible, and maybe one day we could figure out how to live in the same place and be more than just friends." she found me on facebook, told me how much she appreciated the card and the gift and that she actually appreciated that i didn't want to cross the friend line very much. she told me that she wanted our friendship to grow and that she was willing to make time out of her busy schedule for our friendship. we were messaging each other on FB daily for a while, and i didn't even care that we were just friends because i was enjoying the friendship so much. but her responses started decreasing, and even tho she always had nice things to say, i cud tell she was getting bored with me. she just stopped responding to what i had to say. she was sending me a message every week, but i didn't even get a message this week, just a poke. i have no idea how to interpret that.

so yah, that's the story of my life. once every blue moon meeting an incredibly amazing girl only for it to be the absolutely worst possible timing, and having it never work out. so i guess i'm just no fun and boring huh?
Last edited by niceguyeddie; April 15,2010 at 11:13am. Reason: just added some stuff that she told me
 
  Reply With Quote
nightling is offline nightling Post #10  April 14,2010, 2:25pm
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,939

See profile

In yer 20s eh ...

You seem like a serious chap for one so young. My guess would be ... some of these girls aren't ready to settle down yet and be so serious?

Maybe .... lighten up a little bit and try to see dating more as a fun exploration of many different kinds of people instead of a serious I'm going to find The One activity>? At your age I think it is OK to take it more as networking in the single community to get to know people and develop friendships. Maybe give people a chance you aren't sure about at first? They might not be The One but they could become a friend who might know someone who knows someone ...

At your age, there is plenty of time, so don't get in a big hurry. I'd stick with the eHarmony thing actually, even if just for the free communication weekends. Just make sure your profile isn't saying some things you don't intend it to say. You could post it in Using eHarmony for some advice.

As far as being an Asian male goes, I never knew that was detrimental to dating until I came to these boards and PY insists it is so. Speaking as an American woman ... methinks PY exaggerates this factor. ;p~

I mean after all, you should know some ancient oriental secrets right? Sounds attractive to me ...

Just sayin'.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Take Our First Date IQ Quiz | About You | A little humor to "break the ice" and lighten the mood »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
unable to rate thread due to ad in the way RoxyRedhead Talk to your Community Team 7 March 31,2010 2:34pm
Erro when trying to open thread I created wukin_pa_nub Using eHarmony 1 January 29,2010 6:52pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“my husband died when our son was 30 months old. It still seems to be a central tenet of his relationship with the world. dragging past the cancer for the last 2 years and trying to reassure ... ” –  lada2

Join the “Has anyone lost their mother at a young age? How did it change your life?...or did it?” discussion

“What I hate is when i have said "It was nice to meet you." Then I have had the guy jump in and say "You too. I'd like to see you again." And then I am standing there looking for a way to tell him ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Saying what you mean...” discussion

“I've had the "wanna chat" message more than once.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “RED flags for women” discussion

“I thoroughly enjoy being an emotionally unhealthy and immature man!” –  Raw_Truth

Join the “Anyone ever try a professional matchmaker?” discussion

“i suspect he is not agonizing over it nearly as much as you are. i suffer from the stereotypical thinkking that guys are fine with separating feelings from yearnings Right up until they're not. ... ” –  D_Lion

Join the “Question on casual dating?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:59pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0