VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #1  April 12,2010, 9:28am
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Absence makes the heart grow fonder v. out of sight out of mind.

If you are communicating with someone you really like and they have told you they feel the same, which of the adages above do you think happens? If it's the second, why does it happen?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  April 12,2010, 9:41am
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Perhaps with an established relationship, missing the other person reinforces love?

But in a newer more tentative relationship, without continuing new input and growth, it fades or spins off into fantasy?
 
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jcw001 is offline jcw001 Post #3  April 12,2010, 10:35am
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In a terribly over-generalized statement, I'd suggest that it depends on the value each person in a relationship/dating places on togetherness vs individual time.

The trick is to find someone that is very similar to you on that fundamental value.

I do think that over time, the heart will grow fonder if it is a good relationship. Therefore, absence would seem to heighten the want and desire to see a partner when they might be away for an extended period.
 
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illustrator is offline illustrator Post #4  April 12,2010, 11:15am
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Someone else enters the picture.
 
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cleanslate is offline cleanslate Post #5  April 12,2010, 12:06pm
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I'm with Sass and JC: in an established / stronger relationship, absence probably makes the heart grow fonder. In a weaker relationship, one may be more prone to... consider other options if they can't be together.

In February my bf and I were separated for 3 weeks due to a international vacation he had scheduled before we met (in September). I will admit, before the break, I had a nagging fear that persisted no matter how much I tried to ignore or rationalize it away. And because of his location, he was not able to text, call or email much while he was gone (although he did a couple of times). As an added bonus, he was gone on Valentines Day. I was greatly relieved to when he got back into the country and he specifically said that "in this case, it is true that absence made my heart grow fonder." I actually think the break strengthened our relationship; it made him realize just how much he likes me. But it was not fun to go through.
Last edited by cleanslate; April 12,2010 at 12:19pm. Reason: to add a comma. that's important, right?
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #6  April 12,2010, 12:32pm
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I'm going to have to say out of sight, out of mind.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #7  April 12,2010, 12:59pm
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I go with absence makes the heart grow fonder.

But I do think it depends on whether you want the relationship to go forward.....or not.

If not.....out of sight, out of mind.

j8a
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #8  April 12,2010, 1:46pm
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VB_Girl wrote :
Absence makes the heart grow fonder v. out of sight out of mind.

If you are communicating with someone you really like and they have told you they feel the same, which of the adages above do you think happens?
It depends upon how far along you are "feelings-wise"....
It would be hard to say... and I couldn't generalize.
I've been in situations where I didn't miss the person, and situations where I missed them quite a bit, and it had nothing to do with the length of time I'd known them, but rather the quality of time we had spent together.


wrote :
If it's the second, why does it happen?
See above.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  April 12,2010, 1:48pm
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I think both can happen at the same time. I think in an emotional sense people can grow fond of someone, at least in the abstract. At the same time, when it comes to actual behavior....I've seen a lot of people cheat on a partner when they've been separated for an extended period of time.
 
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StuckOnYou is offline StuckOnYou Post #10  April 12,2010, 3:45pm
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I think it can mean either, or both, but I've always preferred the way Dan Hicks (and his Hot Licks) put it:

"How can I miss you if you won't go away!"
 
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