Asking permission from her parents


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #121  April 14,2010, 4:24pm
PR_Princess's Avatar

Fly like an eagle...Let my spirit carry me

Enthusiast

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 685

See profile

j0hn8andy wrote :
Oh, hon, I didn't mean you! I'm the one gave you 5*****stars. Thought maybe you could use them, with your allergies, and all.

Plus your line....."I would cry but the allergies have stolen all my tears".....

.....struck me as pure Poetry.

j8a
Ooo la la Thank you, thank you. My nephew is the artist in the family and even when he was a child I loved to just sit back and watch him in the creative process. Maybe some of it rubbed off

I think Wootz summarized everything so well and seems to have covered all the bases Diamond manacles...hmm something to ponder.

With all these wild people running around texting, sexting, chatting, e-mailing, skyping etc....it is a wonder we still have the institution of marriage. So one would think...what is the point of all these outdated symbols that don't always have the best implications/origins. A sense of continuity in a disjointed world?

To sum up this thread for me have to bring out a real life example and only because I am semi-anonymous here. I only knew my grandfather through my mother's stories and as much as he was good to his children he was an abuser & philanderer to my grandmother who divorced him and moved to the U.S. to get away. I think it is interesting that even knowing this my father wrote a letter to my grandfather asking for his blessings (as he was unable to meet face to face) To me this story shows not only what kind of character my father had but also the fact that my parents in some ways are much better people than I am. We are all so fatally flawed yet willing to write off people so quickly at times.

To ask or not to ask is not really the question. I think it is more what do you do in a wedding/union ceremony that brings a family/community together to reinforce our humanity. Maybe we need some more creative and meaningful ways? hopefully ones that don't include tattoos
 
  Reply With Quote
cardguy is offline cardguy Post #122  April 14,2010, 5:00pm
cardguy's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2009

Oregon

Posts: 1,226

See profile

nightling wrote :
If that tradition developed from a true world of equals, cardguy, the woman would go to your parents to ask permission to marry you and you would go to her parents to ask permission to marry her. Or you would both go to each other's parents in turn to ask.
Well, I've never held the view the differentiated gender roles are a bad thing, so the fact that the tradition implies differentiated gender roles doesn't bother me at all. It doesn't bother me that some might be offended by the tradition either, anyone who considers the very idea of a guy asking for his potential future in-laws' blessing offensive wouldn't be a good match for me

"Quaint" is quite the back-handed compliment there...I don't see this as a relic from a past age, but something that's still quite valuable and relevant in bringing two families together.
Last edited by cardguy; April 14,2010 at 5:08pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #123  April 14,2010, 5:12pm
j0hn8andy's Avatar

.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2009

California

Posts: 5,091

See profile

jayjay wrote :
So as women aren't 'owned' by either their parents or their husbands these days....does this continue because women are just passive recipients? They wait for the man to ask them out....propose to them, ask permission (or 'blessing' if you like) from their parents....because they are just passive and the man is responsible for all these things?
Is it just me? I'd be surprised to find any man who thinks women are "just passive recipients".

The Power Behind the Throne, and all that.....when they don't actually sit the throne themselves.

You having been married.....I'm surprised you're not familiar with this concept.

I'm thinking.....Devil's Advocate!

j8a
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #124  April 14,2010, 5:15pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

j0hn8andy wrote :
I'm thinking.....Devil's Advocate!
(I'm paid by the hour)
 
  Reply With Quote
Cynclaire is offline Cynclaire Post #125  April 14,2010, 5:27pm
Cynclaire's Avatar

Joined: Apr 2010

Posts: 2

See profile

I think it's a better idea to ask for their blessing, but it also depends on the woman. Some ladies these days are very traditional as well and would see it as a romantic and necessary gesture. I have a friend like that.
 
  Reply With Quote
Wootz is offline Wootz Post #126  April 14,2010, 5:30pm
Wootz's Avatar

wants to be half as good as grandad was.

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

Appalachian Mountains

Posts: 1,670

See profile

cardguy wrote :
Well, I've never held the view the differentiated gender roles are a bad thing, so the fact that the tradition implies differentiated gender roles doesn't bother me at all. It doesn't bother me that some might be offended by the tradition either, anyone who considers the very idea of a guy asking for his potential future in-laws' blessing offensive wouldn't be a good match for me

"Quaint" is quite the back-handed compliment there...I don't see this as a relic from a past age, but something that's still quite valuable and relevant in bringing two families together.
Bringing two families together is precisely how I look at it. I would hope to have this so in my marriage one day. Good post.

*grin*
Last edited by Wootz; April 14,2010 at 5:32pm. Reason: Many thanks to our noble lass for her words, as well. *grin*
 
  Reply With Quote
Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #127  April 14,2010, 10:19pm
Oregon_Coast_…'s Avatar

We're one of a kind, like dip di-dip di-dip, doo-bop a doo-bee doo

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2008

OR

Posts: 2,404

See profile

Since I'm not marrying somebody under the age of 18, I do not need parental consent to enter into a marriage.
 
  Reply With Quote
scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #128  April 14,2010, 11:11pm

no stuntman surprises or houdini like disguises for death defying escape

Unregistered

Joined: Apr 2009

Where the clouds are like headlines on a new front page sky

Posts: 10,721

See profile

If its all about the guy becoming part of the family why does he ask "hey, can I marry your daughter" Instead if hey, " can I join your family?"
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #129  April 15,2010, 2:07pm
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,128

See profile

neardc wrote :
Then, why is it a matter of "him" going to "her" father (or parents) instead of both of them going to both sets of parents?

The roots of this custom are firmly planted in the idea of women as chattel, and being given from one man to another. The custom was long out of date thirty years ago when my peers were first marrying (if any of my friends went through this ritual, I'm certainly unaware of it -- it would have seemed rather odd at the time). I wonder why it's apparently coming back into fashion?
If you read my post correctly, you would note that I mentioned the partner going to their partner's parents. This could mean the man or woman. I've known a couple of women who wanted to propose so they brought it up to their partner's parents.

Again, it's not about buying the woman from the father, etc. To me (and maybe to a few others out there as well) it is about respect for the family she is coming from. And, I don't expect it, but it would be nice. Giving my parents a bit of peace of mind when it comes to who I am choosing to marry is important.

nightling wrote :
If that tradition developed from a true world of equals, cardguy, the woman would go to your parents to ask permission to marry you and you would go to her parents to ask permission to marry her. Or you would both go to each other's parents in turn to ask.

This tradition did not evolve from a world in which women were equal to men, it evolved from a world in which women could not even own property and was not allowed to make such a choice for herself unless her father said it was OK for her to do so.

I don't actually advocate for or against it this quaint little tradition continuing into the modern age, but I'm just saying, it's not that hard to understand why some might find it offensive.
If I wanted to propose to my partner as a surprise and he said yes, then we would probably both go to our parents and tell them. But, it also depends on the dynamics of the relationship between myself and my partner and each person and their parents.

scarlet13 wrote :
If its all about the guy becoming part of the family why does he ask "hey, can I marry your daughter" Instead if hey, " can I join your family?"

Hmmm, every wife and husband I know of my brothers and sisters ARE a part of the family.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« What do you think is a sexual assault - both men and women? | About You | Smooth as a baby's bottom »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Parents Asked Me The Big Question--Why are you not married? Are you gay? Sigh. justme27 About You 17 February 6,2010 5:18pm
Emotional Attachment to Money: Bah! Parents Part Two justme27 Finance! 2 January 25,2010 7:29am
Living with Parents and Child.... atrueromantic Dating 5 January 2,2010 10:24am
Parents and Children green1706 About You 2 September 22,2009 7:37pm
Dealing with the parents lindseyk Dating 20 June 24,2009 1:05pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“my husband died when our son was 30 months old. It still seems to be a central tenet of his relationship with the world. dragging past the cancer for the last 2 years and trying to reassure ... ” –  lada2

Join the “Has anyone lost their mother at a young age? How did it change your life?...or did it?” discussion

“What I hate is when i have said "It was nice to meet you." Then I have had the guy jump in and say "You too. I'd like to see you again." And then I am standing there looking for a way to tell him ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Saying what you mean...” discussion

“I've had the "wanna chat" message more than once.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “RED flags for women” discussion

“I thoroughly enjoy being an emotionally unhealthy and immature man!” –  Raw_Truth

Join the “Anyone ever try a professional matchmaker?” discussion

“i suspect he is not agonizing over it nearly as much as you are. i suffer from the stereotypical thinkking that guys are fine with separating feelings from yearnings Right up until they're not. ... ” –  D_Lion

Join the “Question on casual dating?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:51pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0