I read this post through and decided not to post my opinion. While I was walking my dog I gave this subject more thought. Two things come to mind. First is in the story of Cain and Abel where God asks Cain where his brother is. Cain replies "Am I my brother's keeper?" Second is the one of the Ten Commandments..."do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Think about these two things when you discover a friend or relative cheating, then do what you can live with.
So, basically, the answer to "Should you snitch on your cheating friend?" is ...it's up to you, do what you think is right ...
Wow, what insight!
As for me, I'd probably tell ...but I'm a chicken =P, so I'd send an anonymous letter/note (cut out newspaper like a ransom note) simply stating "your husband/wife is cheating on you". All I have to do to clear my conscience is to plant the seed, what that person decides to do with the information is up to them.
Thankfully, I've never been in this situation, though.
My ex-wife cheated on me and continued to do so even after I found out. That is why she is now ex.
My problem is that he, I think, has a problem of arrogance and history of this sort of thing. So do I tell his current partner, who at the time was 8 mths pregnant with their first child and he in his second marriage. I believe that they are still together however, I feel for her living with that sort of person.
Someone who has been in my life for a very long timehas been cheating on her husband since the inception of the marriage (with her boss). They have been married about 10 years. Husband does not know that she had gotten pregnant by her boss or that if her boss gave her the indication that he would leave his wife for her that she would be there beforehe knew what had happened. A very sad story. I have distanced myself from this friend due to her low morals, deceit, etc.,and her need to have it all. I have thought about "secretly" sending him a note to let him know and then I think about the two young sons (one of which may not be his) and thethought of what I would be doing to two families hits me. The boss is very successful and he would no doubtfind a way of making everyone believe that the accusation was a lie. They have sex on his private plane, in his office and anywhere they can get away without witnesses. When her boys find out what she was doing to their dad -- all hell will break loose. Who knows, maybe she will continue to get away with living a double life. By the way, she somehow justifies to herself that what she doing is okay. I have personally never heard her say that she regrets what she is doing to her husband or her boys (who she says are her life).
My best friends Tim & Robin were into "open cheating" where they let each other unbeknownst to me & Robin was "dying" to make it with me which i did not know either but it had been becoming obvious that she was more than attracted to me & finally he just told me to "she wants you togo back there & _ _ _ _ her". I told him this will destroy our friendship & he just laughed saying it was nothing to go ahead.I was floored as these were really good friends & i knew without any reservation that it would destroy our friendship if i did & she would hate me with a passion if i didn't so i did & we had a great time for 3 days though i had the nagging feeling that all hell was about to break loose which it did & 10 years as best friends ended. It was very painful & sometime later i saw Robin & we just sat holding each other in her car crying. I wished her well & reminded her that her & Tim had been together since they were 12 yrs. old. I have seen neither in 16 yrs. but wish them well.
Infidelity does not work folks & whether or not to snitch is obviously a dicey gauntlet to run with liability lurking at every turn so i would have to let the ax fall on the guilty party because i believe the victim has the right as well as the need to know. Doing the right thing or a good deed does not always come with rewards & indeed could be very costly.
I believe the more mature thing to do is to realize that we should not be playing god. If one of our close friends is doing something we do not particularly believe in, we can either confront them and only them, or move out of an even life-long friendship relationship. Personally, we can never know anyone well enough (come on, it is difficult enough to try to know ourselves well enough, for that matter) to try to judge in the context of their own personal circumstances what they decide to do. The best bet is to stay away, and let them roll. After all, this is not your life, and you really should mind your own business. On the more practical side of things, remember where you stand in your relationship with your friend, and not in your friend's relationship with his/her partner. Unless it is a really really good friend, any alternative marriage arrangements might be well unbeknownst to you and others around you. Last but not least, can you really say that you will never be in a similar, maybe not so blatently obvious situation? (right now a lot of you are probably thinking, sure I can! - Well statistically speaking, so did most of the people that end-up cheating anyways... a somewhat scary side-thought!) We are humans, sometimes we sin... (really?) Wow! so much for playing god, I'm sure your friend will have a fun come-back some day.
Again, it is of utmost importance to know where you stand with your friend, and to treat matters objectively in the context of your relationship... I remember when I was in high school, I thought quite differently... In a heart-beat I would have rushed to tell the gossip - Now I am more mature and although this might be tempting or I might at times think I will be helping someone, or playing police, it really is not something I should try or is even my business...
Come on!........ Move on, if you cannot condone this... be mature. And as for people that cannot mind their own business, I really don't think too highly of them.
Last edited by ricosalsero; June 4,2010 at 5:37pm.
Reason: two typos.
my husband died when our son was 30 months old.
It still seems to be a central tenet of his relationship with the world.
dragging past the cancer for the last 2 years and trying to reassure ... –
lada2
What I hate is when i have said "It was nice to meet you." Then I have had the guy jump in and say "You too. I'd like to see you again."
And then I am standing there looking for a way to tell him ... –
legend29
i suspect he is not agonizing over it nearly as much as you are.
i suffer from the stereotypical thinkking that guys are fine with separating feelings from yearnings
Right up until they're not.
... –
D_Lion
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