Should you Snitch on your Cheating Friend?

Should you Snitch on your Cheating Friend?

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Should you Snitch on your Cheating Friend?


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jmc is offline jmc Post #51  July 18,2008, 8:00pm
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Even if I saw it with my own eyes, I would not report the cheating. I would tell the cheater to figure this out.
 
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scwillner52 is offline scwillner52 Post #52  September 11,2008, 8:21am
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Frankly, how much do you value your friendship if you're not willing to let him/her know that you caught him/her in the act of cheating? Many of my friends are my work colleagues and fellow members of Toastmasters International. Most of these folks are in long-term marriages. They have children who are school or out of school and in the workforce. The only case I do kn know about a cheating spouse/SO involved a close friend, I heard about it from the office grapevine, and I told my friend that whatever happened, I supported her.


Hence, if you're really friends with the BF or GF whose squeeze is cheating, and I saw what was happening, what is my obligation in my friendship with the cockold: Do I let him/her know what I saw ordo I keep it to myself? Answer: I would do the former, because I would tell my friend at the start of the friendship that I am not very good at keeping confidences, so please don't burden me with this kind of info.I would tell the wronged party what I saw or what I thought I saw, and thatI would not be a good friend if I didn't tell him/her what happened. I think that if I took this direction, I would tell the wronged party that he/sheshould come clean before he/sheheard the story from somebody else.
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #53  September 11,2008, 3:37pm
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eharmonyadvice, wrote :

You are stuck between a rock and a hard place because one of your friends may be cheating on another one of your friends. Do you tell or keep your mouth shut?
I would talk to the cheating friend and find out what the heck they're thinking. Cheating is just a way of avoiding being responsible for ones issues in a relationship. I'd let them know that they need to tell thier partner the truth and stop playing two sides up against the middle. I wouldn't tell the other person, but now that he/she knows that I know, they may be inclined to think about what they're doing. . . hopefully.
 
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KayJ is offline KayJ Post #54  September 14,2008, 2:07pm
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If there is cheating in a relationship, it's a symtom of something deeper than seeking comfort in the arms of another. That being said, MYOB.The problem is for the folks involved in the relationship to figure out. The last thing they need is someone sticking thier nose where it doesn't belong.
 
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cmhk9 is offline cmhk9 Post #55  October 14,2008, 6:31am
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That is the biggest bunch of horse crap I've ever read. The only thing that I agree with is that IF you just can't help but meddle in others affairs of this nature you are surely going to lose a friend. Years ago, 1974 to be exact, I was in a marriage with a partner who offered me nothing in the way of intimacy or emotional support. During that time we were living in Floridaand when shedecided to move back to Atlanta I did not speak to anyone about the nature of our separation. I soon became lucky enough to be the recipient of some emotional and physical attention and the instant my cousin found out about it she couldn't get to a phone fast enough. Here I am 34 years later and I still have not spoken to my cousin and still detest her. My marriage was a sham and my wife had been cheating on meyet no onetold me. Yes, it was a mercy killing ofa badmarriage, but it showed me that my cousin was not my friend, but a nosy meddlesome bitch.
 
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RayJ is offline RayJ Post #56  October 14,2008, 8:04am
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I feel that you should keep your mouth shut, because the after effect is much worst, I been there and have done both , I have told a friend and she didn't beleive me and our friendship suffered, also keep my mouth shut and the relationship went on to do well and the extra relationship went by the way side which made me think its better just to keep your big mouth shut.





Ray
 
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m8se69 is offline m8se69 Post #57  October 14,2008, 9:45am
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eharmonyadvice, wrote :

You are stuck between a rock and a hard place because one of your friends may be cheating on another one of your friends. Do you tell or keep your mouth shut?
I didn't bother to read any of the other posts...because I really don't care. Here's my opinion...(and I'm sure you don't care either)


ABSOLUTELY KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!!!! There is never a "good" guy in this situation...if you tell, you're a bad guy...if you don't and the other person finds out you knew, you're a bad guy...it always turns around on the snitch. Keep you mouth shut, your blinders on, and go about your own business.
 
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freyja6 is offline freyja6 Post #58  October 14,2008, 12:40pm
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No! I dont think your girl friend should get into the relationship. Cause the reason she's all up inyour business is because she has no man, and wants yours. If men can have each other backs, and keep secrets, why can womenhave each other backs. Since the beginning when a man leave his girl friend for the other girl, that girl would say well, you should have done more to make him happy, but the real deal is that she had done everything. Putting the blame on the confused girl friend. If,lets just say Liz, ishaveing guilt feelings, its going to come out, or the relationshipshe haswith this other guy will die. If it was the girl friend thattells everything that she see's life, she would want her friends tostayout of her affairs.The reason why Im so strong about thistopic is because, I been through it. My so called friend, always had affairs with married men. One even lasted for 2years.The recent relationshipshe hadI knew about it, and more of her friends knew about it also, which all were married, and trying to work out some of their own problems, with their cheating spouses, we gave her advice,not tostart that relationship.Togive their marriege a chance to work its self out.She didnt want to listen, she wanted him and she was going to have him. The affair went on. We grilled her about it. How it made us feel as married women, and fighting to keep our marriage. She told him what we said, and he dumped her because we wanted her listen to us. Til this day she regrets telling us about him........ But now. I've been married for ten years she knows all our problems, his infidelity through theentire marriage. I just started my affair this year 2008. and now she wants to tells me Im wrong. To me she's getting me back, for stopping her breaking up a marrige. But I had to fight hoes like her for busting up mine. Now she's asking how my husband doing and flirting with him. And she was the one to say that she wouldnt blame me if I did had an affair, on the way he's been treating me.... So no. Friends should stay out of couples business. Get alife of their own. Andwhen someone tifling wants their man or womanandtries to busttheir relationship.They cango through heart ache, andfight to keep what they have.
 
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freyja6 is offline freyja6 Post #59  October 14,2008, 12:56pm
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No! I dont think your girl friend should get into the relationship. Cause the reason she's all up inyour business is because she has no man, and wants yours. If men can have each other backs, and keep secrets, why can womenhave each other backs. Since the beginning when a man leave his girl friend for the other girl, that girl would say well, you should have done more to make him happy, but the real deal is that she had done everything. Putting the blame on the confused girl friend. If,lets just say Liz, ishaveing guilt feelings, its going to come out, or the relationshipshe haswith this other guy will die. If it was the girl friend thattells everything that she see's life, she would want her friends tostayout of her affairs.The reason why Im so strong about thistopic is because, I been through it. My so called friend, always had affairs with married men. One even lasted for 2years.The recent relationshipshe hadI knew about it, and more of her friends knew about it also, which all were married, and trying to work out some of their own problems, with their cheating spouses, we gave her advice,not tostart that relationship.Togive their marriege a chance to work its self out.She didnt want to listen, she wanted him and she was going to have him. The affair went on. We grilled her about it. How it made us feel as married women, and fighting to keep our marriage. She told him what we said, and he dumped her because we wanted her listen to us. Til this day she regrets telling us about him........ But now. I've been married for ten years she knows all our problems, I paid for counseling, and couples books, andshe knows about his infidelity through theentire marriage. I just started my affair this year 2008. and now she wants to tells me Im wrong. To me she's getting me back, for stopping her breaking up a marrige. But I had to fight hoes like her for busting up mine. Now she's asking how my husband doing and flirting with him. And she was the one to say that she wouldnt blame me if I did had an affair, on the way he's been treating me.... So no. Friends should stay out of couples business. Get alife of their own. Andwhen someone tifling wants their man or womanandtries to busttheir relationship.They cango through heart ache, andfight to keep what they have.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #60  October 14,2008, 2:29pm
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For those of you that are saying don't meddle. This is NOT meddling. You are put in a very untenable situation when both parties are your friends. if you can honestly say one friend is better than the other, than your decision is easy, you stick with your better friend and drop the other.


This position is nasty because any decision you make, to tell or not to tell, you are effectively destroying the trust of one side. You either lie to one friend about the affair, or you backstab the other friend by fessing up to the affair.


I too was in this position. My friend inadvertently let me know that he was cheating on another friend of mine. Both were very good friends of mine. I was very angry at my cheating friend because he put me in an impossible position. He showed his true colors when i told him of my situation. He angered me by saying I should "stick with the boys" on this. He gave me NO reason to keep his secret other than the boys should look out for each other. I told him that. That was a cop out and he knew it. He berated me about how I was looking to break them up and how I was just looking for an excuse. So he made my decision for me. I told him I would keep his secret, but the cost was our friendship. I told him that our friendship was over. I said I would not lie to his girlfriend about this if she asked, but i would not tell her. This was hard because this was one of my last friends I still had from high school


I made a decision. One friend had to win in this scenario. So i dropped my cheating friend and for many years, we had no contact. Eventually, they broke up for other reasons, but i kept that secret, and my friendship with his ex (I'm still friends with her today). She did eventually ask me and i told her the truth and I told her the whole story why I did what i did. She was not angry. In fact, she understood what a tough position i took and thanked me for what i did with my other friend for her.


So what happened to my other friend. Several years after that incident, we patched things up. He too understood finally the untenable position and apologized for what he did. I actually ended up being a groomsman in his wedding. This friend admitted to me that he admires me more for what i did because I would not back down from his selfish demand that i keep his secret.


I found that to deal with a situation like this is not easy. But it can be. You make a choice. A friend has forced a choice on you that you have to choose one friend over the other. It is on you to make that choice. To not make that choice, the situation will make it for you and you can end up loosing both friends.
 
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