Should you Snitch on your Cheating Friend?

What a simplistic, clumsy, self-centred, moral-busybody piece of advice. Just because you feel uncomfortable doesn't mean the best thing for *someone else's* relationship is to unburden yourself. As the Buddhists say: "Don't just do something, sit there." For sure, there are circumstances in which it is right to be the messenger of infidelity, but on a suspicion, after *one week*! Goodness gracious me - gossip in the worst sense. What right have I to impose my deadlines on the behaviour of other people that does not directly impinge on me? It can be uncomfortable to know something others do not that might cause pain to someone I care about - I've been on every side of this triangle at one time or another - but spilling out that knowledge to relieve one's own feelings of unease without a great deal of forethought about the consequences is completely narcissistic. I find my own relationships deeply complex and sometimes unfathomable in their motivations and cross-currents; unless I knew the couple concerned very closely - from both their perspectives - I can barely pretend to stand in judgement over others' lives. People are unfaithful for many reasons; some apparently passive 'victim' partners are cold, immature or cruel; some people tolerate it; often the perpetrator realises it is not an answer and stops anyhow. Few people deliberately set out to hurt others, rather each of us is trying to find contentment. Very many infidelities do not spell the end of long-term relationships, being resolved either by never being revealed and being forgotten, or directly between the couple concerned. Infidelity is more disturbing to some than others; some even credit the process of resolving such situations as strengthening their partnership. I would (and did) tell a perpetrator that I was aware of their actions, but direct my concern (if they wished to confide in me) at why they were doing it - in what way exactly are they not content with their existing arrangement, if they were aware that it was probably hurtful to their partner and that one way or the other whether from me or someone else it would probably come out in the end, giving them a chance to think and resolve things their own way. Similarly I would, without revealing the infidelity (unless asked directly) try to talk to the other partner about how they felt about the state of their relationship. If I saw it happening repeatedly and, in effect, one party being abused by another, *then* I might consider intervention.

Having been cheated on, I would have to agree with Lordmarcus, say something, the sooner the better. It will initiallt hurt, but your friend will appreciate, eventually, that you came to there defense.


In my current relationship my gal enjoys a girls' night out on a semi-regular basis. I think it's great, she gets to blow off some steam, and I have time for my friends. I have one issue though, and I want to know from you all, especially the gals, if I am wrong in feeling the way I do. She likes to dance and says that she usually dances with the other girls. However, she does occasionally dance with a guy, no touching she says, just moving on the dance floor. This bothers me, and I admit to being a bit of a jealous man. I'd like to hear from the gals as to whether they consider this an acceptable behavior, or if it is out of the ordinary. If it's common, and no pronlem, I'll work on myself and not make an issue out of it.


We go ballroom dancing on a regular basis and I don't see why this other would be necessary. Couldn't she jus tdance with her girlfriends?





Let me know if I'm wrong!