Should you Snitch on your Cheating Friend?

Should you Snitch on your Cheating Friend?

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Should you Snitch on your Cheating Friend?


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roscoedog8 is offline roscoedog8 Post #11  May 28,2008, 7:31pm
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A VERY slippery slope. My ex wife cheated on me for years and her close friends new , well at least she told them she'd cheated. When we finally divorced all the stories came out of the woodwork. My advice is to say nothing unless you have videos to prove it. If your wrong they'll both hate you and you'll lose a friend. I've worked with compulsive lyres who have made up storied of cheating to bolster there manhood. None of these man where real men but at least they weren't cheaters they just had low self esteem. Bottom line is, "Louse lips sink ships" or relationships.



 
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QueenOfTheValkyries is offline QueenOfTheValkyries Post #12  May 28,2008, 10:20pm
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A few months after my marriage ended, a long term friendship with a friend turned physical. It wasn't really romantic even. Pretty much just satisfying a physical need. I felt like he was obliging me. But within days he began avoiding me, not returning phone calls, and then accusing me of being jealous of another woman that was his 'friend.' He denied that anything was going on between the two of them, although people kept asking me if the two of them were dating because he was starting to be seen around town with her often. "She's just my real estate agent," he said. "I'm thinking about buying a house." Shortly after that, she left her husband, and the two of them ran off to Mexico together. None of that, except the part where he denied, denied, denied, bothers me. I had no real claim to him. However, he went to all of my close friends in my social circle, and told them all what the two of them were planning to do. And told them not to tell me. And nobody did. Later, when I found out, they all said they just 'didn't want to get involved.' But I felt like he had gotten them involved by giving them that information, and made them into accomplices. I felt like I couldn't trust my friends, and that they had each made a decision to honor his friendship instead of mine. The result? I trust no one any longer, and have had to remove myself from what feels like a corrupt circle of friends. And I'm very sad. Again, not about him. About the rest of them. I thought they were my loyal, steadfast confidantes, and as it turned out, they were simply fairweather friends.
 
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tonysin is offline tonysin Post #13  May 28,2008, 10:26pm
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well on the whole subject there is no right or wrong way to get involved in such a situation simply because no two situations are the same, there maybe some likeness to others (SOME) but ultimately they are all different and usually by the simplest little things but its those little things that can make the outcome very different, and yes there are those who rally right is right and wrong is wrong but sorry to be the bringer of bad news (WE DONT LIVE IN A PERFECT WORLD !!) the world we live in is built on indifferences and compromises get used to it ....

now in respect to the topic and i am talking from past experience's at one point i was the one cheating at another i knew the guy cheating and then i knew the girl cheating so pretty much i covered all points in the matters and each with very VERY different outcomes and yes ( loyalty is a very rare and hard currency to come by these days !) and with that being said these are many things to be considered in such a situation before one does the "so call"(right thing by telling) or (the wrong thing) by not getting involved . Reason !!!! main one !!!, situation, possible outcomes, people involved ,do you really want to get involved and accept all consequences resulting of your actions (be blamed , lose friends ,feel guilty, hey comes with the territory!! )and truth (are you really doing this to help ! or for some other twisted little reason deep down inside we don't even admit to ourself , spite, to get back at something long ago and take comfort in seeing the devastation of that person, gruge hey the list goes on.. ) . the truth is many of us do these things at some level knowingly (like it or not !) might even be you !

yes this seems a little to analyzed but it does not steer from the fact that this is the very much the truth plain in english so before you open your mouth or choose to keep it shut keep these things in consideration and yes i have not given an answer as to right or wrong simply because 2 guys one might simply say noting or then again high five the other ! and say good job then again tell because he wants the girl for him self . 2 girls to much variables but usually women snitch but for way more complex reasons trust me i walked in ok ok kinda listen in (he shouldent have done that but she deserved it ) ???????????? dont ask . and if your the one doing the cheating well ...get the picture and dont say you`ll fess up you know thats a load of bull be honest its for your own good not for anyone else ..

so
Should you Snitch on your Cheating Friend?

judgment call !!! for what ever way you choose to justify it just try to honest about it at least if not let it run its course the truth always comes out in the end !!! bottom line ...
 
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LordMarcus is offline LordMarcus Post #14  May 28,2008, 10:30pm
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Simple fact, no friend of mine better let me catch them cheating on their significant other.
 
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flacreative1 is offline flacreative1 Post #15  May 29,2008, 3:11pm
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I would try to do some research first discreetly from my male friend, (the one who is being cheated by my female friend). I would get into a conversation about relationships in general and try to find out whether they have an open relationship. Some couples do. Then if I he replied no, that he could not tolerate it, I would continue on with the conversation. I would plant a seed by asking him what he would do if he found out if his girlfriend hypothetically was cheating on him. I would try to get him to think about his own relationship and come to his own conclusions. Most people have some amount of instinct or intuition, it just needs to be targeted and released. I would not tell him the reality that his girlfriend was cheating on him, because that would just make me lose both of their friendships. In most situations the person finds out on their own. Hopefully this would just speed up the process for him to look into it. And if he still has no clue, then maybe he just really does not know his girlfriend totally or want to deal with finding out. If this is the only time my female friend has ever cheated on someone, and it is not in her nature, then I would think she has serious doubts about him, and she will break it off in due time. If she is a perpetual offender of cheating on men, well most men see the signs of a girlfriend who is away from him too much, or is acting strangely in some way, or something. In my view, usually down deep the person knows he is being cheated on, but does not want to deal with it, and so represses it. And if that is the case, then he is no better than she is because he is enabling her, by not dealing with it. Either way, other then putting a seed in his mind to figure out where he is in the relationship, I do not feel it is anyone's job to ruein their relationship. Let them do it themselves or salvage it themselves.
 
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copperhead357 is offline copperhead357 Post #16  May 29,2008, 3:25pm
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I wish someone would have told me. Now nine years after the first time I'm finding out just how oblivious I was. Having been the one cheated on, I know how it feels. I would definately let a friend know if I knew there significant other was cheating. As stated in the article it doesn't mean just the physical act of intercourse. You don't just wake up one day and you're in bed with someone other than your spouse. It starts with little steps like looking, flirting, talking, confiding in. Before you know it you're somewhere you shouldn't be.
 
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flacreative1 is offline flacreative1 Post #17  May 29,2008, 3:43pm
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I would like to add a comment to the reply I previously made about whether to tell a friend that he is being cheated on. If I were only friends with the man who is being cheated on and not both of them, I would consider telling him. But i would ask him while in a conversation about relationships, hypothetically, if any girlfriend or wife of his was cheating on him, would he want to know. If he said yes. Then I would tell him.
 
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BillC is offline BillC Post #18  May 30,2008, 4:10am
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What a simplistic, clumsy, self-centred, moral-busybody piece of advice. Just because you feel uncomfortable doesn't mean the best thing for *someone else's* relationship is to unburden yourself. As the Buddhists say: "Don't just do something, sit there." For sure, there are circumstances in which it is right to be the messenger of infidelity, but on a suspicion, after *one week*! Goodness gracious me - gossip in the worst sense. What right have I to impose my deadlines on the behaviour of other people that does not directly impinge on me? It can be uncomfortable to know something others do not that might cause pain to someone I care about - I've been on every side of this triangle at one time or another - but spilling out that knowledge to relieve one's own feelings of unease without a great deal of forethought about the consequences is completely narcissistic. I find my own relationships deeply complex and sometimes unfathomable in their motivations and cross-currents; unless I knew the couple concerned very closely - from both their perspectives - I can barely pretend to stand in judgement over others' lives. People are unfaithful for many reasons; some apparently passive 'victim' partners are cold, immature or cruel; some people tolerate it; often the perpetrator realises it is not an answer and stops anyhow. Few people deliberately set out to hurt others, rather each of us is trying to find contentment. Very many infidelities do not spell the end of long-term relationships, being resolved either by never being revealed and being forgotten, or directly between the couple concerned. Infidelity is more disturbing to some than others; some even credit the process of resolving such situations as strengthening their partnership. I would (and did) tell a perpetrator that I was aware of their actions, but direct my concern (if they wished to confide in me) at why they were doing it - in what way exactly are they not content with their existing arrangement, if they were aware that it was probably hurtful to their partner and that one way or the other whether from me or someone else it would probably come out in the end, giving them a chance to think and resolve things their own way. Similarly I would, without revealing the infidelity (unless asked directly) try to talk to the other partner about how they felt about the state of their relationship. If I saw it happening repeatedly and, in effect, one party being abused by another, *then* I might consider intervention.
 
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LordMarcus is offline LordMarcus Post #19  May 30,2008, 9:29am
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I had not had a chance to read any of the replies when I made my first little comment above, but having had a moment to do so, I wish to state that I am appalled at some of the replies. Either the response seems to be a flat refusal that one ought to take action against a friend either known to be cheating or known to be cheated on, or the response is a creative web designed to minimize one's own involvement or apparent complicity in the revelation of the truth.

Here's the simple fact -- it makes no difference whether or not you're friends with one, the other, or both. If the person doing the cheating is your friend, then that person is no longer your friend. How can you possibly seek to save such a sham of a friendship, not to mention sham of a friend, by dancing around the issue? Why would you want to be with that snake? Dump that retched sod, and destroy his/her life while you're at it. Let that person know that that shit will not be tolerated, and that they stand to lose everything. Your failure to enforce the right is only an endorsement of his actions and reflects terribly on the kind of person you are.

If the person being cheated on is your friend, then it is your absolute duty to inform them of the situation. If that person ditches you, then they weren't a friend to you in the first place, and you're better off without them. Otherwise, if you fail to perform your duty to respect and care for your friend as you rightly ought, then you are no friend to them and your continued involvement in that person's life pollutes that life only slightly less than that cheating S.O.B. they're involved with. Every single second you waste not revealing the truth is a second your friend will be wasting with the cheating bastard with whom he or she is involved. Some people go months or years like this, and that is time they could have spent already getting over the event and moving on, and by your inaction, you've delayed this. Good goddamned job.

Why are we being such cowards about this? Wield the truth like the giant claymore it is and behead all those who are on the wrong side of it. By protecting the stupidity of your friend, whether or not he or she is the one cheating or being cheated on, you only delay the inevitable and prove what an ineffectual, sorry excuse for a friend you are.
 
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Sunshine_1 is offline Sunshine_1 Post #20  May 31,2008, 8:29am
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I've been cheated on.


I wish that someone would have told me and given me the confirmation that I really needed. I would not have wasted so much time with this very weak man who almost had me convinced that I was crazy for doubting him. Trust me when I say that your heart knows even when you do not have any physical proof. He does not realize that he has given up my true love and affection and what a gift that is.


I also recommend talking to the "Other Woman" or "Other Man". They need to know that if someone will cheat on their partner to be with them don't be surprised when it happens tothem down the road.What goes around comes arond.
 
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