Sexual Compatibility

I can try to answer but realize that what I say only applies to me - not a generalization about women.

I am one of those who needs to know about sexual compatibility prior to marriage. This means a ton of things that I'll *try* to explain here. Such as: Do we have a similar libido and desire for sex (talking about frequency here)? Is the person open to learning about and trying new things? Is the focus on the end result (the "O") or is he interested in the journey to get there? Does he have certain hang-ups in the bedroom regarding sex (e.g., only enjoys certain positions; will only be intimate with the lights out; thinks sex is for procreation only; are they comfortable with their body and being nude, etc.)? On the flip side, is he interested in engaging in sexual activities that *I* am uncomfortable with (e.g., certain fetishes)? Is he a selfish lover and once his needs are met, sex/intimacy is over? Is he willing to communicate with me and show a willingness to learn about/explore what I enjoy as part of the sexual relationship or does he ignore me and take the arrogant "I know what I'm doing you don't need to explain anything to me" attitude (the worst!)? Does he equally and clearly communicate his own desires/needs in terms of sex/intimacy or does he expect me to just "know" and then be frustrated when I don't?

Personally, achieving the big "O" is not nearly as important to me as the stuff I wrote above (I can achieve an "O" with or without a man, quite frankly). You had posed the "what if they are out of practice" question above - a legitimate concern but at the same time, if I like a guy and am committed to him where we are having sex, it will not be a one time deal. Lots of practice should answer some of the questions above. However, if after a certain period of time, those questions have not been answered or the physical part of the relationship is not satisfying (and my partner is not interested in taking the steps, along with me, to try and improve our sexual relationship), then it would not be a good idea to continue the relationship. JMO

That is the reason *I* think sex is an essential part of a dating relationship and for *me* waiting until marriage will not work. Yes, some of the concerns could be "worked out" thru time, 'coaching,' etc. but I have been in relationships where they also could not. That becomes frustrating for everyone involved and why I am glad I found out prior to marriage or a lifelong commitment.

Overall, it comes down to communication more than anything else. To be compatible with someone sexually, I need someone who is open to talking about sex; someone that is willing to listen to my wants/needs and is also comfortable enough to tell me his. Having a similar attitude toward sex... I hope you are gleaning that sexual compatibility, at least for me, is way more than the technique/act itself. So much more than that...

Hope this helps.

I'll tell ya that a girl I was dating seemed very selfish in bed. I knew what she wanted and was willing to do whatever she wanted me to in order to pleasure her, but she was much too impatient and would often push me away to take care of the job. (I'm trying to say this without being too "dirty".) It was frustrating because I felt like I was doing something wrong. I was all about pleasing her and trying to focus on her before things switched to me. And often, things would never even switch to me. She'd take care of things on her own and then that was it. Would deny me of mine!

I can try to answer but realize that what I say only applies to me - not a generalization about women.



Overall, it comes down to communication more than anything else. To be compatible with someone sexually, I need someone who is open to talking about sex; someone that is willing to listen to my wants/needs and is also comfortable enough to tell me his. Having a similar attitude toward sex... I hope you are gleaning that sexual compatibility, at least for me, is way more than the technique/act itself. So much more than that...

Hope this helps.

That helps a lot! I was worried that it was all about a guy being able to last for hours and give you the big "O" straight out of the gate even if he has not been sexually active in awhile (due to lack of dating..lol!)

I'll tell ya that a girl I was dating seemed very selfish in bed. I knew what she wanted and was willing to do whatever she wanted me to in order to pleasure her, but she was much too impatient and would often push me away to take care of the job. (I'm trying to say this without being too "dirty".) It was frustrating because I felt like I was doing something wrong. I was all about pleasing her and trying to focus on her before things switched to me. And often, things would never even switch to me. She'd take care of things on her own and then that was it. Would deny me of mine!

This is a perfect example of what I was trying to get at - obviously there was a lack of communication about what each of you needed in a sexual relationship.