Sexual Compatibility

Hey, that just gave me an idea. I don't need to actually take a woman out on dates to see if we're compatible... we'll just get married first, then I'll take her out for a nice dinner. Maybe even a movie, too.

Same for gifts- there will be plenty of flowers at the wedding, so she shouldn't expect any before that.

I just saved a bunch of money by switching to your method. Thanks.

I can try to answer but realize that what I say only applies to me - not a generalization about women.

I am one of those who needs to know about sexual compatibility prior to marriage. This means a ton of things that I'll *try* to explain here. Such as: Do we have a similar libido and desire for sex (talking about frequency here)? Is the person open to learning about and trying new things? Is the focus on the end result (the "O") or is he interested in the journey to get there? Does he have certain hang-ups in the bedroom regarding sex (e.g., only enjoys certain positions; will only be intimate with the lights out; thinks sex is for procreation only; are they comfortable with their body and being nude, etc.)? On the flip side, is he interested in engaging in sexual activities that *I* am uncomfortable with (e.g., certain fetishes)? Is he a selfish lover and once his needs are met, sex/intimacy is over? Is he willing to communicate with me and show a willingness to learn about/explore what I enjoy as part of the sexual relationship or does he ignore me and take the arrogant "I know what I'm doing you don't need to explain anything to me" attitude (the worst!)? Does he equally and clearly communicate his own desires/needs in terms of sex/intimacy or does he expect me to just "know" and then be frustrated when I don't?

Personally, achieving the big "O" is not nearly as important to me as the stuff I wrote above (I can achieve an "O" with or without a man, quite frankly). You had posed the "what if they are out of practice" question above - a legitimate concern but at the same time, if I like a guy and am committed to him where we are having sex, it will not be a one time deal. Lots of practice should answer some of the questions above. However, if after a certain period of time, those questions have not been answered or the physical part of the relationship is not satisfying (and my partner is not interested in taking the steps, along with me, to try and improve our sexual relationship), then it would not be a good idea to continue the relationship. JMO

That is the reason *I* think sex is an essential part of a dating relationship and for *me* waiting until marriage will not work. Yes, some of the concerns could be "worked out" thru time, 'coaching,' etc. but I have been in relationships where they also could not. That becomes frustrating for everyone involved and why I am glad I found out prior to marriage or a lifelong commitment.

Overall, it comes down to communication more than anything else. To be compatible with someone sexually, I need someone who is open to talking about sex; someone that is willing to listen to my wants/needs and is also comfortable enough to tell me his. Having a similar attitude toward sex... I hope you are gleaning that sexual compatibility, at least for me, is way more than the technique/act itself. So much more than that...

Hope this helps.