Attractiveness: IS there a double standard?


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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #21  April 5,2010, 6:53pm

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How many are actual hypocrites?

And how many are just painted that just because they say being physically attractive to their mate or potential mate is important?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #22  April 5,2010, 6:58pm
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Isnt that what it is though when you *expect* something of others that you dont offer in return?

One thing that I have noticed is that the thing/characteristic offered in exchange can be different. Money for looks? Or is that something entirely different? How many women would dump a man if he lost all of his money?
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #23  April 5,2010, 7:00pm
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LizziePooh wrote :
How many are actual hypocrites?

And how many are just painted that just because they say being physically attractive to their mate or potential mate is important?
I don't think this stance is hypocritical at all. Hyprocritical behaviour always smacks of 'pretense' to me, and I don't see that stating a preference is hypocritical. Unless of course, that person is going along with the flow and doesn't actually believe it.

Physical attraction is important. I just don't have it listed as a priority for myself because I am (a) not particularly attractive myself and (b) I find physical attraction is very tied into his brain and his heart. But that's just me.
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #24  April 5,2010, 7:07pm

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Nanette wrote :
Isnt that what it is though when you *expect* something of others that you dont offer in return?

One thing that I have noticed is that the thing/characteristic offered in exchange can be different. Money for looks? Or is that something entirely different? How many women would dump a man if he lost all of his money?
Yeah, it is hypocritical to expect to receive more from a relationship than you give, but that's the key. It's not about reciprocating each quality like a mirror, it's about each person getting happiness, from whatever means it is given by the partner.

Some guys like big girls. It's not my thing, but some guys do like it. I wouldn't say it's hypocritical for a fit guy to want a big girl just because he's fit instead of big, so why is it hypocritical for it to be the other way around?

I might find it unrealistic for someone who doesn't seem physically desirable in the traditional sense to want someone who is physically desirable in the traditional sense, but it's not like I've never seen it happen.

When I was in my early 20's I had a coworker who was 300+ pounds and had horrible skin. He had a great sense of humor and a quick wit, but I still couldn't understand why he had a WIFE who was tall and beautiful like he did. (and she was from a wealthy family, too, which he wasn't) It's not like he was exceptionally wealthy or anything, either.

I didn't think he was a hypocrite for having a beautiful wife, I just envied his good fortune.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #25  April 5,2010, 7:14pm
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hankscorpio wrote :
I wouldn't say it's hypocritical for a fit guy to want a big girl just because he's fit instead of big, so why is it hypocritical for it to be the other way around?
Because "fit" is pretty universally considered more desirable. That guy would be dating down.

wrote :
I might find it unrealistic for someone who doesn't seem physically desirable in the traditional sense to want someone who is physically desirable in the traditional sense, but it's not like I've never seen it happen.

When I was in my early 20's I had a coworker who was 300+ pounds and had horrible skin. He had a great sense of humor and a quick wit, but I still couldn't understand why he had a WIFE who was tall and beautiful like he did. (and she was from a wealthy family, too, which he wasn't) It's not like he was exceptionally wealthy or anything, either.

I didn't think he was a hypocrite for having a beautiful wife, I just envied his good fortune.
But you're assuming that he *expected* to find someone beautiful? I think I made reference several times to men who have standards that are much higher than what their looks might command.
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #26  April 5,2010, 7:19pm

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Nanette wrote :
Because "fit" is pretty universally considered more desirable. That guy would be dating down.

But you're assuming that he *expected* to find someone beautiful? I think I made reference several times to men who have standards that are much higher than what their looks might command.
Personally I think it's silly and fruitless to *expect* anything.

My only expectation right now is that the world will turn and the sun will rise in the morning.

I certainly don't have expectation of finding someone that I could have deep and reciprocal love with. It's just something I want.

If someone expects something unrealistic I think it's just delusional, not so much hypocritical.
 
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CC1203 is offline CC1203 Post #27  April 5,2010, 7:20pm
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Absolutely there is a huge double standard. Do you know where this came from? Inequities in income between men and women. Men always were in a power position financially over most all women, so they set the standard that they (the man) could look like anything and be as obese as they wanted to, (with the excuse that they work hard to give us the lifestyle we want) because they controlled the woman through her wanting the nice things and life that his affluence could give her. The same is true now. More younger single moms and ladies will take a man of any size and weight as long as he can give them the lifestyle they want. Lots of the men are absolute duds too, but they make great money. Men are far less forgiving of a woman who is even moderately overweight. Not all are like this, but for the most part, its true. This economy does not help the situation to get better either. Im just more concerned with a person's overall health, so I like the type of man that is health conscious and works out, because all the diabetes, heart problems, strokes, etc are really very scary.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #28  April 5,2010, 7:24pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Nanette wrote :
Because "fit" is pretty universally considered more desirable. That guy would be dating down.

But you're assuming that he *expected* to find someone beautiful? I think I made reference several times to men who have standards that are much higher than what their looks might command.
Ok....maybe I'm seeing an example of where I can agree with you. In the poster shown in the original post there is a hypothetical obese man who wants his wife (who may or may not be overweight) to lose weight. I would agree with you that if he is 'expecting' her to lose weight but is unwilling to do so himself....that is being hypocritical.

Where I don't see it as being hypocritical is the fat man who is out looking for a thin woman to date. In that case he isn't 'expecting' anyone woman to change....he's simply selecting for who he wants. Same for the hypothetical 'poor woman' people like to mention who is looking for a rich man. I don't see her as being hypocritical....she's just looking for someone who has what she wants.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #29  April 5,2010, 7:30pm
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CC1203 wrote :
Inequities in income between men and women. Men always were in a power position financially over most all women, so they set the standard that they (the man) could look like anything and be as obese as they wanted to, (with the excuse that they work hard to give us the lifestyle we want) because they controlled the woman through her wanting the nice things and life that his affluence could give her. The same is true now.
What I think negates what you're saying is the fact that men always have to compete with each other for women. The man who lets himself become unattractive physically sets himself at a disadvantage to the man who doesn't let himself go. And, if women (even in generations past) wanted a fit and attractive man they could certainly have gotten one, even if it meant the sacrifice of some material comforts. I don't see the fact of men having had higher incomes than women as creating this double standard. People have always had to 'compete' against members of their own sex for mates and have always had a range of options to choose from.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #30  April 5,2010, 7:32pm
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jayjay wrote :
Where I don't see it as being hypocritical is the fat man who is out looking for a thin woman to date. In that case he isn't 'expecting' anyone woman to change....he's simply selecting for who he wants. Same for the hypothetical 'poor woman' people like to mention who is looking for a rich man. I don't see her as being hypocritical....she's just looking for someone who has what she wants.
If that thin woman gains weight. Is he hypocritical?

And I know some people will argue that she isnt what he originally married (or whatever the relationship is) but how would it be any less hypocritical?
 
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