What does chemistry mean to you?


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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #1  March 24,2010, 10:24pm
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When I met my ex boyfriend we had amazing chemistry, we just "clicked" so to speak and got along splendidly. I think in some way it made us blind to some of our foundational differences which we discovered over time. Since then I've had chemistry with certain men but have known that they would not be a good fit for me. That made me decide not to date them.

I think over time I am realizing that sometimes you have to look for foundational similarities and from that I am hoping that "zing" or chemistry can grow. What do you all think? I have had guy friends who I've been friends with for a time, and then all of sudden it's there! So I'm actually changing my mind to think that it can grow and build, but I am wondering how much time do you give it? Any thoughts or input on chemistry building over time vs. being split second immediate?
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #2  March 24,2010, 11:06pm
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For me chemistry means that I feel passion physically for my mate, we vibe intellectually and we share certain core values including a shared definition of commitment. I need all three of those at this stage in my life in order to go forward with someone. I need those three things to emerge within a reasonable time frame early in a relationship. Those things will never emerge from my small pool of male friendships because our relationship is totally 100% platonic.

You can't have chemistry without biology. You can water the soil all you want but certain things won't grow if there is no seed there to begin with. (Unless your soil is from Monsanto.)
 
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richey is offline richey Post #3  March 25,2010, 12:45am
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I dunno.. to me "chemistry" means there's just something that keeps pulling you towards each other - whether you know what it is or why.

As far as chemistry developing vs just being there... I dont' really know the answer either. Chemistry has burnt me a few times in some of my choices, and some of the best relationships I've had it seemed to build over time.

I think, as with anything, the truth lies somewhere in the middle. I do think there must be some immediate component for it to even happen ~ but how much needs to be there immediately.. I don't know. I also think it builds over time as well. And I think it's the "building" component that is more important and more influential in the long run.

But I definitely do think something has to be there from the get go (again... it may only be a small amount and very subtle.. I'm not sure).

Richiro
Last edited by richey; March 25,2010 at 12:48am.
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #4  March 25,2010, 5:57am
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I don't consider chemistry to be "wow I think you're hot", but instead "there's something about you that I just can't get enough of". I think it has a little to do with liking a man's pheromones, and a lot to do with conversation that flows easily.

I've never had chemistry develop over time, but I don't think it's outside of the realm of possibility. However, I would say that the ideal would be to find someone with whom you share fundamental values and have quick intense chemistry.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  March 25,2010, 7:41am
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2clueless wrote :
For me chemistry means that I feel passion physically for my mate, we vibe intellectually and we share certain core values including a shared definition of commitment. I need all three of those at this stage in my life in order to go forward with someone. I need those three things to emerge within a reasonable time frame early in a relationship. Those things will never emerge from my small pool of male friendships because our relationship is totally 100% platonic.

You can't have chemistry without biology. You can water the soil all you want but certain things won't grow if there is no seed there to begin with. (Unless your soil is from Monsanto.)
Can't say it any better than this.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #6  March 25,2010, 7:42am
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Chemistry is, according to the research, based on the DNA of the two people involved. The hypothesis is that women are seeking men who will produce high-quality offspring, so they need to be able to sense who has the right genes for the best offspring.

The articles I've read suggests most women sense this by smell or taste. Seems to match my experience, personally. I can usually tell whether there's "chemistry" very soon after meeting. That doesn't mean I will want to date them, however. Lot of other factors come into play on that besides just chemistry. I have met some people who I had chemistry with but couldn't stand to look at em bc their attitude was poor.

I do not think chemistry really develops over time. I wish it did. There have been some pretty nice guys I'd have liked to have had chemistry with, but didn't. I think chemistry really is there or not there from the start, but you may notice it more over time bc of the way the whole dopamine system and romantic attachments work.

Men, btw, are not as good at sensing chemistry as women. I think this is likely due to their differing goals in the biological game. In general, quantity versus quality. (I'm not judging so don't get mad!) The research suggests their attraction goes mostly off visuals that indicate fertility and health. Waist to hip ratios, things like that.

So a picture is pretty good for them to determine their attraction. But it's insufficient for most women.

I am just summarizing here from various articles I've read on the subject, but a lot of fits personal experience, so I think they are getting it right.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  March 25,2010, 10:27am
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nightling wrote :
Chemistry is, according to the research, based on the DNA of the two people involved. The hypothesis is that women are seeking men who will produce high-quality offspring, so they need to be able to sense who has the right genes for the best offspring.
I think this is a pretty limited view. Certainly chemistry and DNA have a significant role....but if that was all that went into attraction there wouldn't be tons of women throwing themselves at skanky rock stars with horrible DNA. It seems pretty common that behavior plays a big role in what is attractive, especially for wo men.
 
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JohnnyVal is offline JohnnyVal Post #8  March 25,2010, 11:05am
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All my relationships started with chemistry. Not physical attraction, or any other kinda thing. It's what makes me wanna be closer. The best chemistry I ever had was with a woman I still love who still loves me. We were separated by circumstance and met only once since then. If I saw her again, Id propose on the spot. Unless she's married.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #9  March 25,2010, 11:20am

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Chemistry to me: Something very vague and subjective that many people use to over complicate dating process.

I dont live my dating life (or lack thereof lol) by that word.
Last edited by PY_2; March 25,2010 at 11:39am. Reason: adding.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #10  March 25,2010, 12:12pm
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jayjay wrote :
I think this is a pretty limited view. Certainly chemistry and DNA have a significant role....but if that was all that went into attraction there wouldn't be tons of women throwing themselves at skanky rock stars with horrible DNA. It seems pretty common that behavior plays a big role in what is attractive, especially for wo men.
Are sure that has anything to do with their chemistry? I just figured it had more to do with their money ...

I'm going with the things that match my personal experience of it. /shrug
 
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