DrTonya is offline DrTonya Post #51  March 25,2010, 3:54pm
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PY_2 wrote :
Dr. Tonya,
Pretty much what others have said already. No you're not selfish at all. There will be that nice guy who also looking for companionship and who can accept your situation.

My good thoughts are with you.
Is that a promise, PY? Can I get a written "satisfaction guaranteed or my eH membership fees back?" LOL

I appreciate your thoughts and hope you are right. While I would ideally like to find that special someone, I am really ok being alone. I would like to truly believe someone is out there for me...but someone else saying it makes me feel better about my chances. Thanks for that.
 
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DrTonya is offline DrTonya Post #52  March 25,2010, 4:04pm
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Current birthday pic...atrophy and all but just happy I can share! :)

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lil_lamb wrote :
hmm. selfish? well, everyone deserves companionship. that's not too selfish. but i have to wonder with 12 hour workdays and chronic fatigue how you're going to do a relationship, which is more than emotional companionship. what kind of bandwidth do you have for supporting someone else's daily needs?
I appreciate your thoughtful and candid response. My work hours will lessen significantly in about a month or so where I'll be able to go back to working an 8 hour day. Plus, since I work for the school system, I have my summers off and lots of breaks sprinkled in. That is the only way I manage and the primary reason I am not in private practice.

I take narcolepsy meds to manage my chronic fatigue (Thank goodness for Nuvigil!!!). That is how I get thru my workday. Keeps me up and alert during the day (along with Diet Coke - my vice of choice) and allows me to sleep peacefully at night. On weekends I try to squeeze in a nap as well.

Honestly, I think I throw my self into my work to avoid thinking about my own issues. I work these crazy hours so I don't have to come home and face "reality." This is a crazy time for all school psychs but do I honestly need to work as much as I do? Probably not. My principals certainly appreciate it though .

So to answer your question - I think I have enough left to give to that special person. The relationship would help me refocus where I put my time and energy - and give me a more balanced life. Heck, I was in an LTR for 2.5 years during grad school - I balanced him, school, and my job along with my health then - and those hours were a lot more crazy than the ones I have now! Based on what I see on these boards though in terms of "deal breakers," "filters," etc. I don't think I really need to worry that much about finding time for a relationship.
Last edited by DrTonya; March 25,2010 at 5:48pm. Reason: Brain is fried...seriously...
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #53  March 25,2010, 5:34pm
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DrTonya,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are clearly a woman of incredible grace and courage and I am SO grateful that you've chosen to join our Community and be with us during this part of your journey.

Are you being selfish by looking for love in what appears to be the December of your life?

NOT AT ALL.

By being up front about your condition and prognosis, you're giving a potential partner all of the information he needs to make an educated choice.

It will definitely take a very special man to recognize the opportunity to experience love that, while short-lived in terms of the actual length of the relationship, would surely be extraordinary. Although it's my constant and fervent wish that we match ALL our customers to their "one", as read your story I found myself wishing extra hard that we'll deliver that special man to you, because I've no doubt that no matter how brief the time you get to spend with him, it will be infused with more love than many people get to experience in a lifetime.

I wish you all the best and I really hope that you'll stay among us here at eHarmony Advice and let us know how things unfold with your search.

 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #54  March 25,2010, 5:57pm
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confession: did not read all posts (back condition= cannot sit > 10-14min)

From what I read, answer to if is selfish to date? It is selfish not to

wishing you the best
 
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CaramelsYummy is offline CaramelsYummy Post #55  March 25,2010, 10:15pm
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No, I don't think it's selfish. From your writing, you seem capable of great emotional honesty. That is going to be an attraction right there. And that is a gift you bring to the dating table. Love is a choice. Sometimes the choice to love brings painful moments. This is true whether we're talking about two people who are "the picture of health" or a couple who has been together for 50 years and one will pass on and leave the other behind because of an illness. I do think it will be very important that your potential mate be able to accept the nature of the relationship, and enjoy it with you to the fullest, just as it is.
 
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