Friendship Question: Ethnocentric Friends


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justme27 is offline justme27 Post #1  March 21,2010, 9:52am
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I have a diversity of friends, but one thing we share in common is that we are very Americanized and open to all cultures. Unfortunately, while we share that bond together as mutual friends some of their other friends do not share the same openness.

I went to a party last night and I was not aware that I was going to be the only one there who was not of the same culture as everyone else. Yes, my close friends were there and my best friend was there but there were also people there who I had never met and who are very closed to other cultures.

So I got the typical hazing, anyone who has dealt with this in the corporate world on in real life will know what I mean. By hazing, I mean you know testing the waters to see how sensitive I was about my culture. I'm not, so I rolled with the punches and eventually the other guys were cool with this. They then started to talk about the things they liked about my culture and the like.

I noticed that my best friend and another friend seemed kind of irked by the whole thing, but they did not say anything and instead just excused themselves and walked out of the conversation. Eventually, we were all cool together. However, I don't think I would want to be these guys's friends in any more capacity. Not because I felt insulted but rather because I felt they would not be able to socialize outside of their culture.

Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Do you have ethnocentric friends?
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #2  March 21,2010, 10:28am
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No...more like personality centric friends. I am open to diverse possibilities when it comes to people's personalities because I am just open to people in general and my only criteria is that they be courteous and trustworthy. I have often gotten the response from a friend growing up....you hang out with so and so? The easy way to keep that going is that on day to day get togethers you just don't mix social circles as you know who would get along with whom.

Ethnocentric people are not attracted to me....most likely because I am not attracted/interested in them. They just know how I roll
 
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justme27 is offline justme27 Post #3  March 21,2010, 10:47am
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PR_Princess wrote :
The easy way to keep that going is that on day to day get togethers you just don't mix social circles as you know who would get along with whom.
This is kind of what I wish the person throwing the party would have considered. He did not even give me any warning or anything, but I think he knew would he have I would not have gone. I'm thinking of bringing this up with him, but later on down the line. I don't want to make a big issue of it.

Ethnocentric people don't bother me, because deep down we all have a heart and if anything it's just a reflection of their exposure to people in life. I'm fortunate to have grown up with a diversity of people and to have gone to school with a diversity of people and having lived in very diverse cities. However, some people just don't have that exposure. I understand that and I'm ok with it. However, I enjoy the presence of more worldly people.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #4  March 21,2010, 11:56am
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justme27 wrote :
This is kind of what I wish the person throwing the party would have considered. He did not even give me any warning or anything, but I think he knew would he have I would not have gone. I'm thinking of bringing this up with him, but later on down the line. I don't want to make a big issue of it.

Ethnocentric people don't bother me, because deep down we all have a heart and if anything it's just a reflection of their exposure to people in life. I'm fortunate to have grown up with a diversity of people and to have gone to school with a diversity of people and having lived in very diverse cities. However, some people just don't have that exposure. I understand that and I'm ok with it. However, I enjoy the presence of more worldly people.
All humans make fun of what scares them. It's a way of dealing with fears. If they are still grouped together with those of their own culture they probably still have not excepted those out of their own culture. With you making light of it you were actually helping to ease them into a more comfortable feeling of those out side of their culture.
You did good!
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #5  March 21,2010, 12:04pm
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justme27 wrote :
Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Do you have ethnocentric friends?
No idea what you mean there.

Hazing is usually a word used with fraternities, and it's not a good thing. I've never heard it used in the corporate world.

Why can't people at a party just get along? What do cultures have to do with it? Was the party in some third world jungle? If it was in the US I'd only expect to find one culture- American.
 
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justme27 is offline justme27 Post #6  March 21,2010, 1:52pm
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mrflyer wrote :
No idea what you mean there.

Hazing is usually a word used with fraternities, and it's not a good thing. I've never heard it used in the corporate world.

Why can't people at a party just get along? What do cultures have to do with it? Was the party in some third world jungle? If it was in the US I'd only expect to find one culture- American.
Ah Mr. Flyer, you are always challenging me! lol! Well, let me clarify.

From my experience dealing with usually the alpha male types, not necessarily though and I may not be describing the types correctly, there is usually at least little bit of, "do you belong." So, a perfect example outside of the fraternity setting, is if you participate in any sport. I ran track, cross-country, and box. If you are not good at a sport and you try to get along with other guys who are then they are not going to consider you an equal among them. Some guys who aren't very good can still get along with the other team members because they are maybe fun or really socially adept that they will tolerate it. However, in most cases they will, "push," you a bit to see, "where you belong." Anyone who has played sports has to know where I'm coming from. Another example is music or academia, any area where you have to have a specific skill set to make it.

Fraternities, of which I regret not joining, have the whole hazing process to weed out the weaker guys from joining. The military has boot camp. These are examples of ways men determine, "do you belong." You may agree or disagree but that's life and if you want to make it you have to go along with it.

I won't go into corporate politics because you have to be there to understand it. I don't believe you are there. No offense by that but if you are against hazing and fraternities than I highly doubt the competitive corporate world is your style.

As for why can't people just get along at parties and the culture is US. Well again, if you haven't submerged yourself in other cultures than I can't expect you to understand that not all culture is the "US culture here in the US." I mean ideally, it would be; I'm with you there. However, in the more cosmopolitan diverse areas you will find yourself submerged by various cultures. I also don't have a problem with that either.

Personally, having lived in places like New York and London, I prefer to be around people who are more worldly and have a broader view of the world rather than a more myopic one. That's just because I find the conversation more interesting and more consistent with my experience.

Mr Flyer, from our little posts to each other. I'm not certain what to make of you. You could just be arguing for argument's sake or what have you. Or you could just generally have an idealistic sense of the world of how it should be which maybe is inconsistent with what I write from my posts. I think it's nice to read your posts because I think in a way we challenge each other, you more directly than I. Or maybe you just think I'm full of it. If you do, that does not offend me at all. I just promise you that I'm being as genuine as possible.
Last edited by justme27; March 21,2010 at 2:09pm.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #7  March 21,2010, 5:34pm
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justme27 wrote :
Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Do you have ethnocentric friends?
mrflyer wrote :
No idea what you mean there.

Hazing is usually a word used with fraternities, and it's not a good thing. I've never heard it used in the corporate world.
I'm afraid that if Mr. Flyer hadn't gotten here first.....I'd have said the same thing. I also don't know what you're talking about.

I grew up in the SF Bay Area. Lived in SF 10 years as an adult, worked there, in a corporation, my entire career.

I do have exposure to different cultures. But I don't know what you're talking about with "ethnocentric". Don't have any experience with "hazing" in the corporate world.

One thing I do know for sure. If we're looking for offense, we can find it.....whether it be at a party, in a corporation, or even in a thread.

We can find that offense, whether it was intended or not.

By the same token, we can find the good, if we're looking for it.

justme27 wrote :
However, I enjoy the presence of more worldly people.
Statements such as the above, could easily be misconstrued, for instance.

But only if one were of a mind to.

j8a
 
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justme27 is offline justme27 Post #8  March 21,2010, 6:07pm
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j0hn8andy wrote :
I'm afraid that if Mr. Flyer hadn't gotten here first.....I'd have said the same thing. I also don't know what you're talking about.

I grew up in the SF Bay Area. Lived in SF 10 years as an adult, worked there, in a corporation, my entire career.

I do have exposure to different cultures. But I don't know what you're talking about with "ethnocentric". Don't have any experience with "hazing" in the corporate world.

One thing I do know for sure. If we're looking for offense, we can find it.....whether it be at a party, in a corporation, or even in a thread.

We can find that offense, whether it was intended or not.

By the same token, we can find the good, if we're looking for it.



Statements such as the above, could easily be misconstrued, for instance.

But only if one were of a mind to.

j8a
j8a, I'm confused? How can worldly people be misconstrued? Well, I never worked in SF and I do believe we worked in different industries--I'm not certain what industry you worked in. Although I've never been to SF I have heard it is very, very liberal. And depending what industry you are in, people can be more accepting.

However, I did work in Manhattan in Finance and I'm sorry but for the most part even now it is still a very homogeneous club. Even some of the "more open" firms to work for still have their share of corporate politics.

I don't doubt your experience. However, I know mine and I know what efforts I had to make to gain acceptance.

Are you angry with me j8a? I'm just sharing my experience. I don't take offense, but it may be offensive to others to tell them, "they don't understand their own experience."
 
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Faira is offline Faira Post #9  March 21,2010, 6:53pm
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mrflyer wrote :
No idea what you mean there.

Hazing is usually a word used with fraternities, and it's not a good thing. I've never heard it used in the corporate world.

Why can't people at a party just get along? What do cultures have to do with it? Was the party in some third world jungle? If it was in the US I'd only expect to find one culture- American.
I think, and MrFlyer should correct me if I'm wrong, that what he meant was that if you find yourself at a party with people who appear to be from a number of different cultures - just treat them like people. Granted that they're living in America and you're all at the same sort of party (presumably all speaking English, it sounds like), you can likely assume that there are probably cultural experiences that you'd *all* have in common because you're all living in America...even if some variance exists because of the cultural groups in which all of you originate...

"Worldly" does have overtones to which some people would respond negatively, particularly since, for many people, it's not their fault that they haven't had exposure to people from other cultures; if you don't live in an urban area and haven't had the opportunity to travel, it's much more difficult to get that exposure. There are kids in my area who don't get to go to to major city until they get to one on a class trip...
 
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justme27 is offline justme27 Post #10  March 21,2010, 7:19pm
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Faira wrote :
I think, and MrFlyer should correct me if I'm wrong, that what he meant was that if you find yourself at a party with people who appear to be from a number of different cultures - just treat them like people. Granted that they're living in America and you're all at the same sort of party (presumably all speaking English, it sounds like), you can likely assume that there are probably cultural experiences that you'd *all* have in common because you're all living in America...even if some variance exists because of the cultural groups in which all of you originate...
Ugh, today is just a weird day. Thank gosh I've been playing my guitar and finally got a chord I've been trying to get correctly. But back to your comment. Ugh, it's a sweet comment but not a very experienced comment. I much prefer Mr Flyer's comment because he's open that he doesn't have any clue what I'm talking about. Hey, that's honest and realistic. Faira, no offense, but that answer is pretty cliche and I'm always wary of cliches.

wrote :
"Worldly" does have overtones to which some people would respond negatively, particularly since, for many people, it's not their fault that they haven't had exposure to people from other cultures; if you don't live in an urban area and haven't had the opportunity to travel, it's much more difficult to get that exposure. There are kids in my area who don't get to go to to major city until they get to one on a class trip...
Ok, I'm not going to be a hypocrite and be honest. I have no clue what you mean. I still don't see how "worldly," can be misconstrued as something negative. It's a preference in my opinion. Some people like their world-view and they're entitled to it. I like my world-view and I too am entitled to it. Some world views are narrower and some are broader. I like being around those with a broader view, that's just being true to myself.
 
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