BlueHeron is offline BlueHeron Post #1  March 14,2010, 4:13pm
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Here's a thought I've had for a very long time:
Are men really 'designed' to be in monogamous relationships?
Aren't they, by nature, designed to assure that their DNA is widely spread? Please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to justify 'cheating'. I've gotten my share of hurt from it.
But isn't the institution of marriage designed to fail, at least for some? Is it un-natural to force a man to be with just one woman (and then we crucify him if he can't abide by this?)
Also, people in marriages are much easier governed, by society.
I would really like to hear how men feel about this? Are we going against your grain, your very nature?
Thank you for any thoughts on this!
Last edited by BlueHeron; March 14,2010 at 4:15pm.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  March 14,2010, 4:45pm
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Men probably weren't designed to fly and send text messages either, but there you go.

Since research seems to show little difference in infidelity between males and females, as is so often the case in isues like this, individual characteristics matter more than gender.
Last edited by D_Lion; March 14,2010 at 4:47pm.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  March 14,2010, 5:33pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Men probably weren't designed to fly and send text messages either, but there you go.

Since research seems to show little difference in infidelity between males and females, as is so often the case in isues like this, individual characteristics matter more than gender.
I like how you have said this.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #4  March 14,2010, 5:49pm
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Biologists Find Proof of First Confirmed Species of Monogamous Frog
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #5  March 14,2010, 5:58pm
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Iconography wrote :
Biologists Find Proof of First Confirmed Species of Monogamous Frog
Should we inform these Biologists we have proof of the first confirmed beer drinking frog right here on ehahaha..
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #6  March 14,2010, 6:21pm
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Long post warning!
You’ve touched on several very complex subjects. This, believe it or not, is the short version. *grin*

Do you believe that nature has a specific plan with a goal in mind for human beings? Because you are treading awful close to religion and philosophy here, as much as you are psychology.

Life, from amoebas to humans, does three things that they are “designed” to do: Live, procreate, and die. That’s it. That’s all the commonality I can say for definite and certain.

Human beings are much, much, much more complex than this simple reduction. Unless we wish to head for the philosophy of predestination, we’re stuck with defining our own lives as individuals. Trends do exist in people (and in animals, too). Many of these can be due to cultural influences or practical necessity.

If you are studying animals (and humans are animals), you can say that our *genetics* code certain things that express themselves in our physical bodies. What we do with these things is up to us, and we are *all* responsible for those choices.

The institution of marriage itself is a complex one. Do mean it as a legal entity, which codifies a social contract in such a way as to fit in with current laws and tax structure? As a religious entity, which covers a lot more ground? As a social entity, which is as complex as both of these combined, plus a few things? I cannot point to any one, or any ten, or even any *hundred* designers of marriage, because I believe that each one is designed by the people in it.

As for married couples being easier to control, this is a small part of a larger issue to me. The bigger picture will show you that those with something that a governmental entity can threaten, that those with something to *lose* are more easily controlled. If one wishes to put it in that light, that is.

I prefer to think of governments and people as a social contract. People are, for the most part, social animals. It is very difficult for us to live all on our own. Thus, we band together in close proximity to trade, socialize, and generally commingle. This group of people, this community, tends to make “laws,” whether they are unspoken taboo and tradition or codified laws which, wrote end-to-end, would stretch around the globe twice in ten point font… What we call government is the people in it, the laws we all live by, and the ideas that connect the people and the laws. It is the people who have the power here, whether they know it or not.

As for going against the grain, there is an element of that. But as social beings, we have ethics and morals too- ideas and ideals of what is right and wrong. The short version of why I favor monogamy because that is what I want from my partner. I cannot with good conscience ask her to do something I wouldn’t be willing to do myself. Some people have resolved their consciences to multiple partners, and that is their business. I choose not to go that route.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  March 14,2010, 6:42pm
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BlueHeron wrote :
Here's a thought I've had for a very long time:
Are men really 'designed' to be in monogamous relationships?
Aren't they, by nature, designed to assure that their DNA is widely spread? Please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to justify 'cheating'. I've gotten my share of hurt from it.
But isn't the institution of marriage designed to fail, at least for some? Is it un-natural to force a man to be with just one woman (and then we crucify him if he can't abide by this?)
Also, people in marriages are much easier governed, by society.
I would really like to hear how men feel about this? Are we going against your grain, your very nature?
Thank you for any thoughts on this!
Given your screen name:

"Birds known to form long-term pair bonds that may last a lifetime include swans, geese, most hawks, eagles and falcons, most parrots, albatrosses, ravens, pigeons and doves, and more. Birds as a class contain more monogamous species than not, though some species switch mates more often than others. Most migratory songbirds find a new mate every year. Relatively few bird species are polygamous (males mate with many females), and just a few are polyandrous (females mate with many males)." - WikiAnswers
 
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BlueHeron is offline BlueHeron Post #8  March 14,2010, 7:10pm
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can resist anything but temptation.

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Wootz, thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I guess it's true, I started with "Live, procreate and die". Among other inspirations, you've helped me expand this view, and put the responsibility for our behavior into the equation.
Iconography - that article was cool, thank you.
This OP question is puzzling me for years. I tried to look at it again after reading "Guns, germs and steel" by Jared Diamond (fantastic book, btw), but I seemed to be stuck.
Just for the record, of course women cheat too. But I don't think they primarily do so to become pregnant.
Thank you for your input, guys!
 
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bretagne89 is offline bretagne89 Post #9  March 14,2010, 7:13pm
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Wootz wrote :
Long post warning!
As for going against the grain, there is an element of that. But as social beings, we have ethics and morals too- ideas and ideals of what is right and wrong. The short version of why I favor monogamy because that is what I want from my partner. I cannot with good conscience ask her to do something I wouldn’t be willing to do myself. Some people have resolved their consciences to multiple partners, and that is their business. I choose not to go that route.
I like how you put this. Whether it's "natural" or not for a man to cheat, I expect monogamy in relationships because that's what I offer. I will deny whatever hormonal, physical urges I have (yes, women have these, too!) to stay faithful to a partner, so I expect the same in return.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #10  March 14,2010, 7:43pm
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Men are like penguins... they mate for life, with the right one, that is.
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Last edited by Mr_Right; March 14,2010 at 7:43pm. Reason: Recent picture from my Galapagos trip
 
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