Selective vs never satisfied


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StuckOnYou is offline StuckOnYou Post #1  March 14,2010, 10:54am
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I get the impression from some posters that it's not a question of being selective (don't like the term picky), but rather that they're just never satisfied. IMO, this is not just a matter of semantics; these are discrete behavioral characteristics.

Are these in fact different?

What do you think?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  March 14,2010, 10:58am
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I agree there's a difference.

Being selective is a pre-defined set of screens - preferably developed for a rational reason - applied systematically.

Being "never satisfied" means, I guess, an inability to be happy with a partner, despite them fitting your rational screens.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #3  March 14,2010, 11:03am
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I agree that these are totally two different things. If your bar is so high, that your "selective" ness means that no guy/girl will ever get close to it, you'll probably never be satisifed with what anyone has to offer.

On the other side of that, not being "selective" enough can get you in trouble too!
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  March 14,2010, 11:20am
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I agree with your selective term. The satisfied part can also be considered a commitment-phobe, fickle or immaturity. Always hoping there is someone better out there can be a huge pitfall in a relationship.
 
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phoenix888 is offline phoenix888 Post #5  March 14,2010, 11:24am
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They are different things.

Amen, I think it is healthy to have a short list of must haves/can't stands as a part of being selective. You don't want to be horribly mismatched.

However, when a person formulates a huge list in their heads... yeah, that isn't going to go very well.

Its my hypothesis that some people use these huge lists to have an excuse to never really commit to anyone. They go through the motions of dating, but their criteria are so specific, they're pretty much guaranteed that they will never find what they say they're looking for.

Sometimes its too convenient to use the phrase "selective". There can be much larger issues lurking underneath.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #6  March 14,2010, 11:58am
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I look at selective as having minimum qualifications. Sometimes these qualifications can be unreasonable.

not being satisfied...not finding that perfect match that is unrealistic.
 
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cleanslate is offline cleanslate Post #7  March 14,2010, 12:02pm
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I absolutely think there are some people who, despite what they may say, will never find anyone because their standards are just too unrealistic. I often think that about those who expect "instant chemistry" or "sparks" like they felt the first time they kissed or loved someone back in high school...
 
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phoenix888 is offline phoenix888 Post #8  March 14,2010, 12:17pm
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cleanslate wrote :
I often think that about those who expect "instant chemistry" or "sparks" like they felt the first time they kissed or loved someone back in high school...
I totally agree with this.
Relationships need time to unfold and ripen into something real.
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #9  March 14,2010, 12:28pm
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phoenix888 wrote :
They are different things.

Amen, I think it is healthy to have a short list of must haves/can't stands as a part of being selective. You don't want to be horribly mismatched.

However, when a person formulates a huge list in their heads... yeah, that isn't going to go very well.

Its my hypothesis that some people use these huge lists to have an excuse to never really commit to anyone. They go through the motions of dating, but their criteria are so specific, they're pretty much guaranteed that they will never find what they say they're looking for.

Sometimes its too convenient to use the phrase "selective". There can be much larger issues lurking underneath.
Being overly selective is essentially the same as never being satisfied.

And in my opinion it also overlaps with delusional.

A friend of my brother-in-law has never had a relationship because although he is resonably attractive (he is 44 y.o.), he is never satisfied with any woman he ever dated. The last one he dismissed because her feet were too big.

We all think he has commitment issues. But, that's probably only the tip of the iceberg.
 
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phoenix888 is offline phoenix888 Post #10  March 14,2010, 12:36pm
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NYCpigeon wrote :
The last one he dismissed because her feet were too big.
.
LOL!!! Wow... that's right up there with the Seinfeld episode where he dumped a girl because she had 'Man Hands'.

Yes, I'd say when a person drops someone else for such an inane reason... there are definitely issues.

And this goes for both sexes. I've known equal offenders on both sides of the fence.
Last edited by phoenix888; March 14,2010 at 12:37pm. Reason: fixed quote
 
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