TXButtercup is offline TXButtercup Post #31  March 14,2010, 7:35pm
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PY_2 wrote :
Good thread.
What is entertaining to read or hear is when some people go round and round and provide their own rationalization why they wouldn't 'settle' for guys who 'only' meet 90% of their requirement.
This really isn't exclusive to women, despite the article Hank references. For some men (and I can remember one thread in particular on this), a woman can have ALL the other qualities they want except one, and be more of a match to them than any other woman they have met, and if this one item isn't met, then not good enough.

And of course, on these boards we have also seen women express that they in fact would be happy with men that do not meet 100% of the list.

AndieIsMe wrote :
80 to 90% would be great in a match. But, what 80 to 90% are we talking about? Sometimes a person can have one quality that will outshine the rest of their carpy selves. And sometimes a person can have one bad habit that will ixnay all the wonderful things about them. It's all a balance and the right combination of ingredients..
And again as discussed, 80-90% of what? What is the starting point? I believe this question really goes to the OP's point.

One person can express themselves as being so magnanimous because they are willing to take 80% of their list, but that list had 50 requirements from the start. In contrast, another person might have identified a few core items, but was willing to be flexible and open minded. These are completely different scenarios.

DivorcedDad wrote :
I can't imagine starting with a huge laundry list of non-negotiable requirements and expecting to find many dates.
However, they do expect to have many dates. But each of those dates will end in disappointment, and then it will simply be the other person's fault that a long term relationship can't develop.

Sad really, because of the time it wastes -- time for people who are emotionally mature and ready to engage in a real relationship (and I might even be able to argue that it does some emotional damage as well).
Last edited by TXButtercup; March 14,2010 at 7:38pm.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #32  March 14,2010, 7:39pm
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I'm extremely selective. And I'm more than satisfied with what I've found
 
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TXButtercup is offline TXButtercup Post #33  March 14,2010, 7:45pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Gee I was thinking that "never satisfied" in the OP was the "grass is greener" thing. Not that it involved some unattainable fantasy person.

Oh well, we all know that I am stoopid.
I don't think so!

Wouldn't you say it could be either? There have been people in these forums that have shared that one of the challenges with online dating is the smorgasbord concept. People think it is all they can eat, so why "settle" for a good mate, because someone (better looking, smarter, ____fill in the blank) might pop up in my matches any day now?
 
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DivorcedDad is offline DivorcedDad Post #34  March 14,2010, 7:52pm
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My first impression of EHarmony, and probably online dating in general, is that many (50% or more) of people are too picky. Once in a while, the stars will align and a few of these picky daters will mate (even a blind squirrel finds an acorn ever once in a while), but my impression is that this is the exception rather than the rule.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #35  March 14,2010, 8:04pm
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StuckOnYou wrote :
I get the impression from some posters that it's not a question of being selective (don't like the term picky), but rather that they're just never satisfied. IMO, this is not just a matter of semantics; these are discrete behavioral characteristics.

Are these in fact different?

What do you think?
I think it's more a case of people being maximizers... always wanting more than what they have.

Being selective and being a maximizer are two different things.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #36  March 15,2010, 4:28am
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DivorcedDad wrote :
My first impression of EHarmony, and probably online dating in general, is that many (50% or more) of people are too picky. Once in a while, the stars will align and a few of these picky daters will mate (even a blind squirrel finds an acorn ever once in a while), but my impression is that this is the exception rather than the rule.
Yup. It seems like there are some people that spend more time trying to find reasons not to pursue a match rather than looking at the good qualities of a match. There's also an unfortunate batch of people that feel that if they are paying for a service, they expect perfection.
 
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StuckOnYou is offline StuckOnYou Post #37  March 15,2010, 8:07am
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I think of being too selective as being a non-starter because, well..., you can never get started. Of course this is a bad thing if you actually want a relationship. When I made the OP though I was thinking of "never satisfied" as more of a "grass is greener" thing.

I've known wo/men like this; their selectivity filters were just fine, they just got trapped at a later stage. They would move from one partner to another, never really getting the "greener" they were looking for and as a result remaining unsatisfied. Interestingly, the only ones they continued to think were "the one", were the ones that didn't reciprocate their interest. Go figure...

Personally, I tend to think the grass is always greener..., but greener just means different, not (necessarily) better. I think this mindset helped keep me satisfied with whatever relationship I happened to be in at the time.
Last edited by StuckOnYou; March 15,2010 at 8:12am.
 
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