activeteacher is offline activeteacher Post #1  March 7,2010, 2:41pm
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is enjoying the wonderful countryside

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So, how do you quit wanting to have a relationship? I enjoy my life, except for not having someone to share it with. How do you manage the desire to share your life with someone? To become a greater person by sharing their life as well?

With relationships, the sum is greater than the total. (1+1=3)

How do you keep from becoming discouraged? Or frustrated?
 
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goolagang123 is offline goolagang123 Post #2  March 7,2010, 3:01pm
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Begin focusing on you! Have fun. Volunteer! I am in an awesome relationship with a kind wonderful man. When did I meet him? When I foucsed on becoming the genuine me. It was only then that the right person entered my life.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #3  March 7,2010, 3:44pm
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It's difficult. Even as long as I've been single again and as content as I am with my life, I know that it could be richer shared with someone.

For the most part, I focus on myself, my family and friends. When I'm in the mood, I put myself out there in situations that might include some contact, or I re-open the online dating profile.

It's hard to balance wanting with being content here and now. I can't deny that. But I remind myself that here and now is all I'm actually guaranteed and if I'm spending it wishing it was otherwise, well, I'm really wasting it. It sounds easy. It isn't, though.
 
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justme27 is offline justme27 Post #4  March 7,2010, 4:24pm
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There I put up a darn avatar is everyone happy! T.S. Eliot very pretentious

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Activeteacher, I went a period without being in a relationship. It was not a struggle for me though; I was much happier alone than going through all the drama of my previous relationships. Taking a break from dating was almost mandatory for me. However, I can tell you that period of time was a time of self-exploration and a time of strengthening relationships with family and friends.

Don't look at yourself as a single man searching for a significant other. Rather, view yourself as a man who wants to explore new hobbies, new friendships, new experiences. Because whatever it is you are looking for in a significant other, you're not going to find until you yourself embody it.

I don't believe another will complete you, you have to be a complete person and be with another complete person.

A practical issue, is that online dating I do not believe can replace going out there and actually approaching women and asking for dates.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #5  March 7,2010, 7:26pm
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Yay! spring has sprung.

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activeteacher wrote :
So, how do you quit wanting to have a relationship? I enjoy my life, except for not having someone to share it with. How do you manage the desire to share your life with someone? To become a greater person by sharing their life as well?

With relationships, the sum is greater than the total. (1+1=3)

How do you keep from becoming discouraged? Or frustrated?
Close your eyes and think about all the things you are greatfull for. This should bring you a sense of peace.
I truly believe that when we feel anxious we can repel that which we think we need.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #6  March 8,2010, 1:02am
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activeteacher wrote :
So, how do you quit wanting to have a relationship? I enjoy my life, except for not having someone to share it with. How do you manage the desire to share your life with someone? To become a greater person by sharing their life as well?

With relationships, the sum is greater than the total. (1+1=3)

How do you keep from becoming discouraged? Or frustrated?
I don't believe it's possible to quit that want. I enjoy life too, I read, I keep fit, I travel but the want to have a relationship, to share it all with someone, is constantly there and has been for over 7 years now. I was so close once in those 7 years but alas, it was taken away. It's so easy for people to tell you to go out and have fun. You can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. I'm trying to keep myself busy to avoid getting discouraged and frustrated, sometimes I'm not that successful.
So no, I don't believe it's possible to quit that want.
 
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activeteacher is offline activeteacher Post #7  March 8,2010, 10:52am
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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
It's difficult. Even as long as I've been single again and as content as I am with my life, I know that it could be richer shared with someone.
BINGO!


Mokkesofie wrote :
It's so easy for people to tell you to go out and have fun. You can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. I'm trying to keep myself busy to avoid getting discouraged and frustrated, sometimes I'm not that successful.
Which is where I am now.


Justme ... I do live my life. But the last time I had someone to share life with, you were not yet in high school. I have accomplished so very much in my life. Yet most of this was done without anyone in my life. Few friends then, fewer now.

After all this time, you'd think I'd be used to, and accept it by now. Enough of the whining. I have two papers to write, a training schedule to work out, and a series of articles to get read.
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #8  March 8,2010, 11:17am
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I find that being proactive is the best way to deal with this, along with any area of my life I wish to improve. Are you doing everything you can to find the relationship you desire?

I am very happy with my life. I have great relationships with friends and family. I am generally satisfied. At the moments when I want to find a relationship, I do everything in my power to go out and meet people until I meet someone with whom I see potential. I have never just "happened" on a relationship in my life. I've always been in seeking mode when I've found them.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #9  March 8,2010, 3:23pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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I love the posts here. I relate to them entirely.

But is it wrong to want? Especially if we've learnt to want with dignity? Aren't we allowed a little wanting in those circumstances?
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #10  March 8,2010, 3:32pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
I love the posts here. I relate to them entirely.

But is it wrong to want? Especially if we've learnt to want with dignity? Aren't we allowed a little wanting in those circumstances?
Nope, nothing wrong with it. But when it controls us (frustrated wanting to quit wanting) we have begun to become unbalanced. Which can then affect other areas of life.
 
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