Do women settle on their standards?


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MQRegan is offline MQRegan Post #1  March 5,2010, 2:36pm
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As men, we have much simpler ideals for what we look in for a partner. However, on a the woman's end of things, the grass is much greener. So the question is, as you grow older, personal situations change, have a kid, family issues, medical issues, etc, does a woman's standard change in what she is aims for compared to what she settles for?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  March 5,2010, 2:40pm
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Totally depends on the person (sorry!)

If someone has traits that I think are exemplary then other things that were requirements might fade in comparison. I want certain things in a mate, but I know that I can't just "order up" a guy and expect him to materialize.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  March 5,2010, 2:44pm
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Nanette wrote :
I know that I can't just "order up" a guy and expect him to materialize.

You rang?
 
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MQRegan is offline MQRegan Post #4  March 5,2010, 2:49pm
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Nanette wrote :
Totally depends on the person (sorry!)

If someone has traits that I think are exemplary then other things that were requirements might fade in comparison. I want certain things in a mate, but I know that I can't just "order up" a guy and expect him to materialize.
For the girl that I dated last year who told me "I really have a great time with you but do not feel that explosion every time I see you, so lets just be friends. Don't be a stranger either!" (Word for word verbatim). I directed her to the husband store. Apparently, she STILL did not find what she was looking for.
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #5  March 5,2010, 2:55pm
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First of all, I don't agree with you that men have simpler ideals.

As for getting older, I think that anyone that doesn't change their virewpoints and criteria for a match is not realistic.

As for settling, I wouldn't call it that. It'd called it living in reality as opposed to being delusional. It's called understanding who you are/have become and being reasonable in who you accept as a partner.

I think that as you get older, you have to accept that everyone brings pluses and minuses to the table. And as others have said, what a person lacks in one area, they might more than make up for in another area.

The idea that anyone is looking for "the one" is kind of silly to me. It just defies logic/reality.

But, that's me.
 
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MQRegan is offline MQRegan Post #6  March 5,2010, 3:01pm
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Maybe... Though, I think if a woman has every one of her ducks in a row and zero or minimal baggage she has the pick of the litter. Not so for men. Well, unless you don the body of Adonis, personality of Geroge Clooney, wealth of Bill Gates, then and only then would a average man have the same pick of the liter as an average man.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #7  March 5,2010, 3:50pm
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NYCpigeon wrote :
As for settling, I wouldn't call it that. It'd called it living in reality as opposed to being delusional. It's called understanding who you are/have become and being reasonable in who you accept as a partner.

I think that as you get older, you have to accept that everyone brings pluses and minuses to the table. And as others have said, what a person lacks in one area, they might more than make up for in another area.
^^ this ^^ ...and it's called 'maturity'.

...unfortunately, online dating has/is taking us in all the wrong directions in this regard, but that's a whole 'nother topic.
 
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DivorcedDad is offline DivorcedDad Post #8  March 5,2010, 3:51pm
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As far as "settling", what does everyone think about the Lori Gottlieb articles and book?
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #9  March 5,2010, 5:01pm
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MQRegan wrote :
As men, we have much simpler ideals for what we look in for a partner. However, on a the woman's end of things, the grass is much greener. So the question is, as you grow older, personal situations change, have a kid, family issues, medical issues, etc, does a woman's standard change in what she is aims for compared to what she settles for?
No, my standards do not change; because I know I could not commit to a man who did not have them. Traits such as intelligence, humour, kindness etc - these are non-negotiable for me.

Now, my preferences, that's a whole other story! I'd like to be a Mum. However. I am going to be 35 shortly, eventually (and sooner rather than later for me) conception and pregnancy will no longer be a viable option. The majority of the men I've met are not open to fostering or adoption and I as I do want children as part of my life, I need to consider this preference of mine very, very carefully.

If I were in a relationship and children couldn't or didn't happen in any form; then that is a choice that I've made - it doesn't mean that I settled. If that makes sense?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  March 5,2010, 5:05pm
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MQRegan wrote :
then and only then would a average man have the same pick of the liter as an average man.

Paging Dr. Freud ...
 
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