Is a custodial dad a turnoff to women


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DivorcedDad is offline DivorcedDad Post #1  March 4,2010, 7:12pm
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In scrolling through some profiles on another dating site I noticed that a high percentage of the female profiles in the 25-40 age range wanted a partner with either no kids or kids who lived with the mother except for occassional weekend visitation. Is a kid really that big of a turnoff?
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #2  March 4,2010, 7:26pm
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No but it's more a matter of what someone is ready for in a relationship. I'd say the younger range (20s) may not be ready for a child yet and the mid to upper range (30-40s) may want their own (and think you are done or don't want additional themselves).

I don't see kids as being so much the "turnoff" but rather several possibilities for the reason. Really that is something that many have as a preference but may be open to flexibility. I think it often can be the fear of "crazy exes" constantly interfering in the relationship because of the ties with the kids.

It's just one of those things you need to talk about with your dates and see what you both want or expect in a relationship.
 
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suzyque is online now suzyque Post #3  March 4,2010, 7:32pm
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One issue to consider would be the age of the child. The younger they are the more time they typically need. A teenager wouldn't be a problem for me at all. I think the women that wish for that are concerned about always being second place in a man's life. Incidentally, I am the primary (only) custodial parent for three and didn't seem to be an issue for me in attracting dates.
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  March 4,2010, 7:33pm
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The custodial dad is a big turn on for me and I have no kids. It says he's responsible and willing to step up. I like that in a man.

The turn off would be three or more kids. I read that as him having little time for me.
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #5  March 4,2010, 7:34pm
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No, it's not a turn-off to me. I met a man through another site who had children about the same ages as my kids and we went out a few times. It didn't work out, but that wasn't the reason.

Another man I talked to several times through the same site had 4 kids who lived with him full-time. In this case, all of our kids (my 2, his 4) did play into the fact that we never got farther than phone/email. Between all the schedules, we could just never make it work to meet.

I think the time factor may be something that scares wome women away, especially those who don't have children.

As mentioned above, the fear about crazy ex-wives may also come into play. The fact is that the mother usually gets custody. (And I don't want to turn this into a thread about the rightness or wrongness of that....) I think a lot of people wonder 'how bad' must the mother be if you have custody and this, in turn, makes them wonder if they will have to be dealing with her all the time.

What I do know is that the right person won't be scared off by the fact that you have your kids. The right woman will think more of you for being a good father.
 
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sqg123 is offline sqg123 Post #6  March 4,2010, 7:35pm
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I always favored the custodial father. Full time 24/7/365 father was the only one who could ever really understand my life.

My pet peeve: single parents who really only had visitation but found that so challenging.

I'm a whole heck of lot tougher then the weekend parent and I need a man who really understands what its like to raise a few kids totally alone.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #7  March 4,2010, 7:35pm
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It is for me. I prefer no kids but that is so rare at my age I don't even think it's worth expecting it
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #8  March 4,2010, 7:37pm
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I think this is one of those things that comes down to preference. Some people (men and women) prefer not to date someone who has a lot of responsibility for childcare. For others, it doesn't matter.

Focus on the ones that will be accepting of your situation. They're out there.
 
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dbell1 is offline dbell1 Post #9  March 4,2010, 7:44pm
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I'm a full custody single mom. For 18 months I dated a full custody single dad. We spent way too much time on the kids and not enough time developing our relationship. He had major ex issues and spent a lot of time complaining about her - not an ideal for anyone and a total red flag for me.

That said, I admire and totally respect anyone who steps up to take care of their children full time.
 
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Jesisi is offline Jesisi Post #10  March 4,2010, 7:47pm
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I don't have children, but the idea of a guy being in charge of his family and taking care of his kids is quite attractive, because of the many qualities associated with doing this. Obviously as a custodial dad you must be responsible, take charge and you love your children. Those are big pluses. That said, somewhat of a structured schedule may be necessary, the kids factor into the equation because they have needs that must be met, so finding someone who can be as patient and devoted to you as well as appreciative of your family may be difficult but surely not impossible. My sister has 3 stepchildren who live with her and her husband, they have no biological children together yet they are immensely happy.

Keep looking, there is someone out there for you too!
 
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