NiceGuysFinishFirst is offline NiceGuysFinishFirst Post #1  February 19,2010, 4:52pm

Anything is possible...

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Is there a difference between being "alone" and "lonely"? I think there is. I've recently had an epiphany about myself. Initially I was kicking myself and trying to figure out what went wrong. Now I can see that I might have made some mistakes like being too available that might have hurt my chances with her. Maybe not. But I've learned that it doesn't do any good to beat yourself up and it doesn't make you attractive to other women. I really liked this woman and it was crushing to get rejected, but rather than jump right into another woman's life I've decided to take a new approach. I'm focusing on me now and self-empowerment. Yes, I am alone. But I am not lonely. Lonely is what I was 2 weeks ago when I felt devastated. Alone is when you are secure in your life and you may want a relationship, but you don't think about it so much.

I started going to a gym and I'm losing weight. I've also been looking for volunteer work in the community. My goal is to rebuild my own character and, who knows? Maybe this will make me more attractive to women because they can perceive a more confident guy who doesn't give off the perception of being the sweet, needy guy who needs love like oxygen. I'm not anti-love or anti-romance. It's all good. But I think women prefer small doses rather than big ones. Am I wrong?
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #2  February 19,2010, 4:55pm

blames self-help books

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I may not be the best to advise but I believe that any self-improvement makes you more attractive. I think I would have gone nuts if I was always looking for a man. Instead I was just living and I found a man.
 
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rybelles is offline rybelles Post #3  February 19,2010, 5:20pm
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NiceGuysFinishFirst wrote :
I'm focusing on me now and self-empowerment. I started going to a gym and I'm losing weight. I've also been looking for volunteer work in the community. My goal is to rebuild my own character and, who knows?
That is fantastic. GOOD for you. Regardless of what it leads to, if anything, you will feel good about yourself and just in an overall, naturally healthy state of mind. I've been "alone" for years and had a similar epiphany a few months ago. Since then, I've been taking my 4 year old to volunteer with me on Saturdays and it's become as exciting to her (us) as going to grandma's house or the park. It fills you up inside. Enjoy
 
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justme27 is offline justme27 Post #4  February 19,2010, 5:25pm
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There I put up a darn avatar is everyone happy! T.S. Eliot very pretentious

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I gave you five stars buddy! I think it's wonderful that you are taking steps to improve yourself! Please keep us posted about your improvement and your journey!
 
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Amateurlover is offline Amateurlover Post #5  February 19,2010, 5:52pm
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NiceGuysFinishFirst wrote :
Is there a difference between being "alone" and "lonely"? I think there is. ... Yes, I am alone. But I am not lonely. Lonely is what I was 2 weeks ago when I felt devastated. Alone is when you are secure in your life and you may want a relationship, but you don't think about it so much.
How did you get from lonely to alone? And only in two weeks?! Any advice would help. It's been over a month and all I can do is think about him wonder what he's doing.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  February 19,2010, 6:53pm
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Was the question about the difference between "alone" and "lonely"?

I am quite comfortable in my own company. So I may be alone but I am not lonely.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #7  February 19,2010, 7:36pm
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Of course there's a difference. If you can't be comfortable being alone, you probably won't do well in a relationship.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #8  February 19,2010, 8:06pm
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NiceGuysFinishFirst wrote :
Is there a difference between being "alone" and "lonely"?

Lonely people have friends but they dont have that special someone they are missing. Alone people tend to be fine being by themselves and still have friends.

Being desperate is something entirly different. Women see through that..both sexes do and its a big turnoff.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #9  February 19,2010, 8:17pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
I may not be the best to advise but I believe that any self-improvement makes you more attractive. I think I would have gone nuts if I was always looking for a man. Instead I was just living and I found a man.
FYI---you are a woman...you waited for the men to come to you. Very different for the men.

From my experience...I have had my share of these....if you arent paying attention sometimes opportunities are present that you happen to not realize....its there when you aint looking.
 
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NiceGuysFinishFirst is offline NiceGuysFinishFirst Post #10  February 20,2010, 12:04am

Anything is possible...

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Amateurlover wrote :
How did you get from lonely to alone? And only in two weeks?! Any advice would help. It's been over a month and all I can do is think about him wonder what he's doing.
Part of it is spiritual. Without going into great detail, I recently had a talk with a very good friend of mine about my situation and she said "Give it all up to God." I went to a local church early in the morning when no one was there and I poured my heart out to God. I was crying, too. I then lit a couple of candles in the church and I walked out. Within hours I felt like all of the anger and hurt that I had inside of me was gone. Of course, I've had my good days and bad days. It's not easy, that's for sure. But all I can tell you is that depending on what your faith is or your beliefs, give it up to a higher power or ask for help and you shall receive.
 
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