2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #11  February 15,2010, 4:07pm
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She is dating in the shadow of her ex and will narrow her pool. A guy being a dad is no guarantee of anything in terms of compatible parenting practices.

The problem wasn't that her ex didn't have kids. The problem was that he was controlling and (it sounds like) inconsiderate. She might find a guy with kids with those same qualities. Then what?
 
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richey is online now richey Post #12  February 15,2010, 4:31pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
Oh no! Not at all! She is an amazing parent! I envy her ability to do all she does, frankly.

Believe me when I say, the man she was dating had some pretty screwed up ideas on how to be a parent. It was also more than that, he treated her son's like 2nd class citizens. What they had to say didn't matter (at times). What they wanted should be put on the back burner for what the two of them wanted. He is a very selfish person.
Ahhh I see. Yeah, then I'll say alos that her reaction is basically she is thinking of HIM when she says this and reacts this way (quite understandably.... but still not healthy).

As far as me, I've heard from plenty of people that use this type of argument to cast a sectino of the population as outsiders and "unqualified" to comment on this or that. The saying goes somethign lik ethis:

"if Perosn A has never been in situation X personally, then Person A is not qualified to understand what it's like to be in situatin X." where situatino X could be "have kids", or "have a terminal illness", or "lost a loved one" etc.

I, personally, think it's hogwash. It's being presumptious about another person and that you "know it all" about their entire life's experiences. I think it's a convenient way for people to be prejudiced and arbitrarily cut people off from them ~ which to me, has all the signs of "they are hurt, with issues, and havne't resolved those issues yet."

I used to have women keep tell me (on another advice board) that I am not qualified to comment, nor can I understand, THEM on a many number of subjects like alcoholism, physical abuse, being a parent, being raped, etc. My resonse was always, "maybe I've not personally gone through it, but how do you know I am not very close with somebody WHO HAS? Who shared with me their entire experience and leaned on me to help them through that trauma?"

When people outcast that quickly, it's usually b/c the issues is within themselves somewhere.. and they need to get over it.

Richey
 
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richey is online now richey Post #13  February 15,2010, 4:32pm
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aindiels... in yer friend's case.. she needs to get over the ex- and realize that was HER EX-, not "all guys who have never have kids." It means she's still hurting from the ex- and not completely over or hasn't completely resolved all her conflicts with that relationship yet.

Richey
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #14  February 15,2010, 4:41pm
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As the saying can go, one bad apple can destroy the whole bunch, and that is what it sounds like happened to her. Or maybe more than one bad apple in this case. But as a mother of two kids, you tend to be more choosey than usual. Maybe that's good or bad, but it's true, You want the person to be a positive influence on your kids, and most guys know that even before you begin to date. But the only thing that might compel to her to go again with someone without children is he might have to try extra hard to get her attention or do something to sway her vote. But such is life
 
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