curlygirlpdx is offline curlygirlpdx Post #1  February 14,2010, 7:12pm
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Hello Everyone-

I'm somewhat new to the boards and thought I'd reach out for advice.
I'm in my mid 30's and have just had one serious relationship that I stayed in for way to long and ended really badly.

So flash forward almost 4 years and I haven't been in any other relationships, I've dated a little bit but nothing that lead to serious or semi serious involvemnet because it wasn't someone I really connected with enough to take it to the relationship level.

So I've been lonely lately, wanting an emotional and physical connection. I know that I am very guarded emotionally and also physically.

The thing is I'm very friendly, always strike up conversations with people, strangers even, introduce myself to new people at work, joke at class and find myself laughing alot. I even have close friends that I can open up with and share intimate details with but it's just so hard to do that in a relationship. I know this is all rooted in a fear of someone ridiculing my feelings (a common thing in my family as I was growing up) or a potential mate disregarding them.

I just don't know what to do to break out of this pattern. I had yet another friend yesterday tell me. . .'you're too guarded, you got burned and you need to let the other go'. I just don't know how.

Uggh. . .this has bought me to tears--yet again ( and it has nothing to do with today being Valentine's). Am I destined to be alone? Are others in this same situation? How do you deal with it?
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #2  February 14,2010, 8:47pm

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Have you considered seeing a counselor to talk things out?
 
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curlygirlpdx is offline curlygirlpdx Post #3  February 14,2010, 9:06pm
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Hi PY_2--Yes I am on the search for one. I did see one about 2 years ago and think it would help know that the dust has settled a bit.
I'm trying to find something to do one my own too.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  February 15,2010, 9:15am
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Keep in mind, that being less emotional isn't bad per se - that you could consider looking for less-emotional partners (I fit that condition.)

Some people are relatively independent, too, in terms of not leaning on a partner for "emotional needs" (again, like me.)

If you want to change yourself, I agree with PY, that the therapy route is the tool for that job. If you want to date / be in a relationship, there is usually a lid for every pot.
 
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