Being Okay with Being Single


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TheWriteStuff is offline TheWriteStuff Post #1  February 14,2010, 5:44pm
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I'll admit, I have a HUGE problem with this. I'm 25 and have had two serious boyfriends so far. One lasted for about 7 months, the other lasted for a little over a year. I've had interests in other people, but those are the only guys I've had a "real" relationship with. I am also picky, but I am trying to be more open....not lowering my standards but more open about who I let in.

However, I am NOT okay with being single. In fact, I hate it. I hate it so much that I really miss my second ex right now, and I know for sure there are better guys out there for me than him, but the whole process just seems impossible and torturous. Living in NYC, it doesn't make it easier and my mother keeps nagging me to "move somewhere with more men", as though that's going to magically change everything.

But I want to be okay with being single...however it's been 18 months and I'm starting to be bitter about it...which I don't like. Sometimes I am totally okay with it, and sometimes I just get so down in the dumps about it and think I'm going to be alone forever. I'm someone I would want to date lol....I'd consider myself attractive, I'm very educated, independent and all of my boyfriends have always said I'm the least drama-inducing/clingy girlfriend they've ever had. It just seems so hard to meet people and get that click...but it's also hard to just be okay with being single. Therein lies the problem as there is no in between unless you want to settle for someone you don't click with just so you won't be alone, but that's no fun.

Any advice?
 
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justme27 is offline justme27 Post #2  February 14,2010, 5:50pm
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There I put up a darn avatar is everyone happy! T.S. Eliot very pretentious

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Ok, I'm going to practice my new listening skills. What is it that you are looking for in a relationship? What is it that you are missing about a relationship? How satisfied are you with your friendships? What do you hope will change being in a relationship?
 
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TheWriteStuff is offline TheWriteStuff Post #3  February 14,2010, 5:59pm
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In a relationship, I'd like someone who is a best friend, who loves me and cares about me.

I am missing having someone who's attracted to me and cares about everything I do and someone to spend a lot of time with.....and have sex and be intimate with.

I am fairly satisfied with my friendships, but they are all over the country.

What will change? I'm not sure. My life will be enhanced because I'll have someone there for me, I'll have someone who loves me and is attracted to be...and I'll be having an active sex life.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #4  February 14,2010, 6:05pm
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Forgive me if I am misreading your post, but *almost* anyone could fill those criteria.
 
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TheWriteStuff is offline TheWriteStuff Post #5  February 14,2010, 6:07pm
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double post
Last edited by TheWriteStuff; February 14,2010 at 6:08pm. Reason: double post
 
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TheWriteStuff is offline TheWriteStuff Post #6  February 14,2010, 6:08pm
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Nanette wrote :
Forgive me if I am misreading your post, but *almost* anyone could fill those criteria.
Which criteria are you referring to?
 
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MiamiJessy is offline MiamiJessy Post #7  February 15,2010, 1:32am
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Hi,

I think u make a lot of good and humorous points in your original message. The fact of the matter is, is that women are meant to be men and visa-versa. Everyone always looks for that right one to share the rest of their lives w/. I'm thinking your snuggling time is very important to you, although I definitely would not settle for less. Once and for all I have stopped believing in the whole "opposites attract" theory. I find it that the more you have in common w/ someone, be it looks, religion, hobbies and just your whole outlook on life, the better off you both will be. If you're not w/ your first or second ex, think back to why this is so...hmmm, food for thought. Don't give in to the lonely ghost my dear and wait for the clever, young, and passionate male version of you.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #8  February 15,2010, 9:43am
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... is like a nice warm vibratey feeling all through your guttiwuts.

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TheWriteStuff wrote :
I'll admit, I have a HUGE problem with this. I'm 25 and have had two serious boyfriends so far.

However, I am NOT okay with being single.

But I want to be okay with being single...however it's been 18 months and I'm starting to be bitter about it...which I don't like.

Any advice?
Just wait 'till you're 35 or 45 or older. Advice? Relax and enjoy what life throws at you, you're still soooo young. If you stress about finding someone you likely won't. More often than not relationships happen when they're least expected. Probably because we're most confident and relaxed with ourselves when we're not "out there looking" and people pick up on that.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #9  February 15,2010, 11:45am
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I believe that, in order to be good at relationships, you have to learn how to be OK with being single. Otherwise you're just basing your future happiness on another person.

I want a partner to enhance my life, not because I think there is some deficiency.
 
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anjei1026 is offline anjei1026 Post #10  February 15,2010, 12:02pm
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i'm also someone who very much enjoys being in a relationship, and this is the longest (almost a year now) that i've been single. i made a conscious effort, when my girlfriend and i broke up, to stay single rather than jumping directly into another relationship. i realised that to break some bad and unhelpful patterns, i needed to figure out my role in our breakup, what i brought to the relationship, what i wanted next time, and what i wasn't going to settle for anymore.

and i just plain needed time to heal. my whole life i've gone from one relationship to the next. i got married and divorced and dove into yet another relationship, and none of this was doing anything for me. once i took the time to be able to really verbalise what i want in a relationship, i found more opportunities coming my way.

when you get so anxious, you can close yourself off from good things happening for you. are you okay with just dating? no, you won't "click" with everyone, but i'm big on energy, and i think just getting yourself out there can really change the energy you project to other people. and you never know what will happen... one of my friends is now married to a guy who was at the time she met him dating a girl who was friends with her own boyfriend!
 
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