nophotos is offline nophotos Post #1  February 14,2010, 5:02pm
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Fun and interesting article. Not sure this belongs in "Dating" so hope a mod will move if necessary.

A good therapist can really help me think in ways I never did before. I wish I had done it sooner.

Better relationships | Hannah Booth | Life and style | guardian.co.uk
 
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richey is online now richey Post #2  February 15,2010, 5:11pm
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This is interesting. So this counselor basically says "different is good... just not too different."

Yet, EH's claim is that there are 21 points of "compatibility" that have been proven over the years (aka... similarities).

So what is it.. are we supposed to look for differnces? or similarities? And does this mean EH's matching engine does not work and is based on something that doesn't equate to good matches?

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nophotos is offline nophotos Post #3  February 15,2010, 9:13pm
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richey wrote :
This is interesting. So this counselor basically says "different is good... just not too different."

Yet, EH's claim is that there are 21 points of "compatibility" that have been proven over the years (aka... similarities).

So what is it.. are we supposed to look for differnces? or similarities? And does this mean EH's matching engine does not work and is based on something that doesn't equate to good matches?
I'm not sure points of compatibility are the same as similarities. I think of compatibility as core issues - beliefs held by each person. I don't think every single one has to match, but I think enough key ones do. If I think back on the men I dated and the one I was married to, certain things are consistent - intelligent, funny, generous, moral compass, etc. But outwardly, few of them were similar - looks, professions, music and movie likes, etc.

I think what may happen is some go looking for the superficial outer differences to prove they are not compatible. IMHO that may be a mistake. So maybe a good start would be defining what truly matters to me on a deep level. Not, does someone call me on day 4 or 6; but do they listen to and respect me when we do talk?

No matter where I go on these topics, it always comes back to communication.
 
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gcoleman99 is offline gcoleman99 Post #4  February 16,2010, 12:39am
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That was a VERY interesting article. Thank you for posting it!
 
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Idril is offline Idril Post #5  February 16,2010, 2:02am
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Interesting article - even more so as it corresponds with thoughts I've had recently.

I get matches and found I was was looking for similarities - with me, what I do etc. I was submerged in bubble bath and it occured to me that was perhaps unwise because if I'd put my late husband's profile up - I would not be interested. He was very opposite to me: I was high strung and tempermental, he was calm and patient; I am very academic, he was not - but he was curious; he liked the outdoors, shooting and making big bangs, I did not; he was a country lad and I was a city girl and there's more. So how did we hook up and how did it work? We were best friends for 23 years, married for 16 - he was like my other half and he was my soul mate.

Conclusion - I'm looking at the wrong things (the familar and similar) - but then I'm not sure exactly what I should be looking for.
 
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