MiddleOfNowhere is offline MiddleOfNowhere Post #11  February 19,2010, 7:15pm
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I was the same way in high school, I had four or five close friends, another dozen or so aquantences. Through college I focused on my degree (and worked my rear off to pay for it) so I was somewhat closed as well. However once I got out of college and my successes grew in my work, the more confidence I had and less I feared judgement. Then to take me to the last step of openness (which I'm still working on but I am close!), I take the words by which my my younger brother lived by, "Throw Caution to the Wind". And you know, sometimes you get to a crossing point of wanting to say or do something but your own timidness is holding you back, take a deep breath, throw caution to the wind and say or do it! Occassionally it'll backfire on you and end in the worse most embarassing way, but 90% of the time it'll be forgotten a week later as life moves on, and then you can usually laugh about it later.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #12  February 19,2010, 11:57pm
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Rollingalong wrote :
Lately I've realized that i have a very closed person. My demeanor, actions, a lot of things in general, all signal that. It's something that I can personally feel and something that has apparently developed slowly.

What i wanted to ask was what do people do in general to try to be more open in their lives in general? I don't enjoy being closed, it's a very lonely lifestyle and one I don't feel suited for.
I have a fairly closed personality. I'm introverted. I have 3-4 very close friends, and then a very large group of people I consider to be friendly and I occasionally do spend time with them. I do spend a lot of time on my own and am quite happy with this.

When I try to be more open, it's not easy. Last time, it was sharing something from my family life a couple of weeks ago. The time before that, it was July 2009 and I sparked a conversation based on a comment D_Lion had written a little earlier which bothered me. In both instances, I think it did bring me a little closer, a little more comfortable with the individual concerned.

And this will sound likely stupid, the participation in the different groups here, seems to be helping me be a little less introverted. I'm finding it easier and easier to start threads and respond in threads, etc.
 
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lilym0214 is offline lilym0214 Post #13  February 24,2010, 9:04am
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I like this conversation. I just met someone I really like and he seems to be a little awkward in opening up. I'm also reserved. However, I know that in order to really get to know someone you have to be open so I am really trying. I would like to give this guy a chance but there are moments of awkward silences. When this happens I would like to say something to him, but don't really know what would be appropriate to say. I don't want to scare him off, but I do want him to know he needs to open up and just say whatever he is thinking. It's all about getting to know each other and trusting each other isn't it?
I'll take any bit of advice!
Thanks
 
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Athios is offline Athios Post #14  February 24,2010, 2:17pm
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As with many of the responders so far, I can relate to this. I was quite the loner in high school and first half of university, except for a small group of really close friends. I should note that was partially due to my introvert personality, so it's not that out of the ordinary.

Openness is in part your personality, and in part a developed skill.

If you happen to be an introvert, then it's normal for you to prefer to be with a small group of friends; expecting yourself to become the 'life of the party' or social butterfly is unrealistic (in the short term), and a high level of that type of interaction would likely leave you feeling drained.

But, if you just want to make more friends and open yourself up, then by all means. The others have made some very good suggestions, and think they would work well.

Just one thing I'd like to add, and it is something that I learned while on eHarmony. If you are fearful of being judged, just remember that it is supposed to go both ways. With friends (as with dating partners), you don't want just anyone, right? Don't hand the power over to someone else, you need to be responsible and selective about your friends as well. If someone is a superficial, judgmental jerk, you don't want them as your friends anyway. If they happen to be open and accepting people, then there's no reason to fear being unjustly judged, right?

Anyway, that was the realization that really helped me open up and be more confident about exposing my true self to other people (but not in the "trench coat" kind of way ).

Keep in mind that communication skills take time to develop, so have patience and don't give up. I wish you good luck!
Last edited by Athios; February 24,2010 at 2:23pm. Reason: typo
 
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Athios is offline Athios Post #15  February 24,2010, 2:49pm
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lilym0214 wrote :
I just met someone I really like and he seems to be a little awkward in opening up. I'm also reserved. However, I know that in order to really get to know someone you have to be open so I am really trying. I would like to give this guy a chance but there are moments of awkward silences.
Awkward silences because you two ran out of things to say? Or awkward silences because you two reached a personal/sensitive topic and he suddenly shut you out?
It sounds like you are the braver one in the pair, so I would suggest you gently trying to gain his trust by opening up a little more yourself. Hopefully he will eventually feel secure enough. Time could also be a factor (since you mentioned that you just met), and perhaps all you need is just to spend a little more time together and try connecting through other activities.
So yeah, just give it some time as long as your patience and interest allows...
 
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