Ladies: What did your father teach you about love?


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  February 10,2010, 3:31pm
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My one wish for you, is love. :)

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What did your father teach you about love, dating, and relationships?

Were those lessons taught by positive example (how to do it right) or by negative example (what NOT to do?)

Looking forward to an enlightening discussion!
 
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jsgj1 is offline jsgj1 Post #2  February 10,2010, 3:40pm
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if the man goes to work and make sure the bills are paid he loves u...(poor mom)
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #3  February 10,2010, 3:57pm
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Unfortunately nothing but what not to do. My dad had affairs, mum divorced him. He got married again, had affairs, had a daughter with a friend of his wife, got divorced. Then at 47 he married a 22 year old.
I haven't seen him for 20 years so don't know if they're still together.
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #4  February 10,2010, 4:06pm
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He taught me ... nothing. Aside from possibly that choosing a person you don't like or respect is a bad idea. No amount of both sides being good people can overcome a lack of respect.
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #5  February 10,2010, 4:22pm
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My dad showed me that marrying someone you fall "head over heels" for is not always a good idea, especially when the other person is from different cultural and religious backgrounds. My folks will celebrate their 57th this year, and it's been a long, hard slog for them. I feel sorry for both of them, even as I love both of them dearly.
 
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winn is offline winn Post #6  February 10,2010, 4:27pm

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Actually, my Dad taught me a lot about being a fantastic husband. He was always a gentleman, always remembered significant days and gave gifts, was and still is openly affectionate with my stepmother (and also was with my mom, who died in her early thirties) and always helped around the house. He was not typical of most of my friends' fathers growing up. He never deliniated what tasks a woman should do and what a man should do. He always jumped in where help was needed and often before asking. He's still that way and he has always been incredibly loving and respectful to his two wives. Also, every spring he insists on time away with just his spouse, particularly when they had all us kids at home. He knew they needed time alone together. A very wise man when it comes to knowing how to be a husband and father.
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misswright is offline misswright Post #7  February 10,2010, 5:11pm

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what did your father teach you about love?What i learn growing up about love was not to much, but how men call it love i learn the patterns of a cheater an the behaviors that come with it..he had ladies in his life that he care for but it left me to wonder that how you be love,an that love is express in all different ways. An as he gotten older things change his settle down was coming into focus..
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  February 10,2010, 5:12pm
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Being married to my mom for 30 something years has taught me that a 50/50 relationship is more. More than what? I'm not sure. But they sure do show the world that they are happy together. Patience and understanding are a huge part of what he is. His example is what I learn by. Well, what I try to learn by anyway.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #9  February 10,2010, 5:21pm

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Everything - my dad (and my mom) taught me how to be a person - everything I know about how to be as a person came from my folks.

I have been thinking about this thread and trying to come up with an answer in my head. It is hard to draw the line between father and mother and separate the two. To me, they blend together and I can't separate them.

Maybe that says something. My parents were a team, at least with us kids (and I believe a team to the rest of the world too). Oh, they fought and they fought wholeheartedly and loudly (lol!) but as parents and making decisions as parents, I never heard a peep. I never heard what they discussed/argued behind closed doors, but when those doors opened, I knew that I would only hear one decision. It was like that for not only parental decisions but all the big decisions, the important ones that affect the family. They would each have their separate views and then they would go behind close doors and duke it out. I don't know what techniques they used to argue their point but to us kids, when they came out there was only one view and that was how it was going to be.

My dad is suffering from Alzheimer's. I have noticed that he gets extremely anxious if my mom is not around. If she is not there he is always asking about her and since he has Alzheimer's, it is not once but every few minutes. I will gently tell him where "Mom" is again and he will say, "Oh that is right. She really likes that." or something like that. And for a few minutes he is comfortable and chatting and then there is that pause and I know that the next thing he says is the question, "Where is mom?". Somehow, I know that is love.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #10  February 10,2010, 5:45pm
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My father, in his marriage to my mother and his relationship with his children, taught me that a partner is not to be trusted. Pretending to the rest of the world that he loves you, he would use you, abuse you, and tear you down to build himself up. You become a prop in a pretended attempt at normalcy, and when he's not on stage for others, you are no more than clutter in his life.

That's what he taught.

Fortunately, I learned otherwise.

(Not without scars, and not without issues yet to conquer.)
 
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