Ladies: What did your father teach you about love?


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newbie40something is offline newbie40something Post #11  February 10,2010, 5:47pm
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A time came when it was more painful to remain tight in a bud than the risk to break open & blossom

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That is realy heartwarming, Lizzie!

I think that for all of us, even when we have negative memories of our parents, there is always something that is heartwarming. Maybe just one thing.

My father was an alcoholic. My mother waited on him hand and foot. I vowed never to do that.

Anyway, I will always remember the time he tried to hook me up with someone. I was a single mother with a one and half year old son. He was going through AA. He had a "fun" meeting on a Friday night. He wanted me to go. As soon as I got there, he introduce me to someone named "Scott." Well, I'll be darned. Scott was quite a cutie. But, he was also a recovering alcoholic, so it had no chance. However, my Dad wanted to find someone so bad. That touched my heart.
 
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LivingBetterLonger2009 is offline LivingBetterLonger2009 Post #12  February 10,2010, 6:15pm
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I don't know...my father left when I was in my late teens. He was a great dad when we were younger, neighbor kids liked him too. However God, my heavenly Father has never left me and has taken care of me, my family, and my mother
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #13  February 10,2010, 6:46pm

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I did not fully appreciate my parents until I was out on my own and met different people in life. I just assumed everyone had parents like mine. That is probably a credit towards my parent.

But when I was disabused of that idea, it happened quickly. I only needed the first experience to look at someone after they shared something and think, and this is your parent that did this to you?! I just did not get how that was possible. I could not imagine any parent doing that.

And don't get me wrong it was not roses growing up - my dad and I fought my whole childhood. I always was in trouble. I was kicked out in my teens (it was more of an ultimatum of come home now or find another place to live, yeah I don't like ultimatums so I think you know how I answered that.) That was the first of few temporary banishments due to lifestyle choices as an adult. But what is cool about my parents, they also knew they raised their children to be independent so they also knew that they had to respect your decisions as an adult. I am really lucky in my parents and reading some of these posts makes me realizing how true that can be at times.
 
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winn is offline winn Post #14  February 10,2010, 6:55pm

Please tell me where I can find a normal man???

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LizziePooh wrote :
Everything - my dad (and my mom) taught me how to be a person - everything I know about how to be as a person came from my folks.

I have been thinking about this thread and trying to come up with an answer in my head. It is hard to draw the line between father and mother and separate the two. To me, they blend together and I can't separate them.

Maybe that says something. My parents were a team, at least with us kids (and I believe a team to the rest of the world too). Oh, they fought and they fought wholeheartedly and loudly (lol!) but as parents and making decisions as parents, I never heard a peep. I never heard what they discussed/argued behind closed doors, but when those doors opened, I knew that I would only hear one decision. It was like that for not only parental decisions but all the big decisions, the important ones that affect the family. They would each have their separate views and then they would go behind close doors and duke it out. I don't know what techniques they used to argue their point but to us kids, when they came out there was only one view and that was how it was going to be.

My dad is suffering from Alzheimer's. I have noticed that he gets extremely anxious if my mom is not around. If she is not there he is always asking about her and since he has Alzheimer's, it is not once but every few minutes. I will gently tell him where "Mom" is again and he will say, "Oh that is right. She really likes that." or something like that. And for a few minutes he is comfortable and chatting and then there is that pause and I know that the next thing he says is the question, "Where is mom?". Somehow, I know that is love.
Lizzie, I was going to give you five stars for your post because I so agree with what you said about your parents but for some reason the stupid computer locked in the rating at one star. Sorry, I don't know how to change it but it's supposed to be 5, not 1.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #15  February 10,2010, 7:01pm

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winn wrote :
Lizzie, I was going to give you five stars for your post because I so agree with what you said about your parents but for some reason the stupid computer locked in the rating at one star. Sorry, I don't know how to change it but it's supposed to be 5, not 1.
I think that is so funny that that happened. It makes me smile, especially in light of all the star talk lately.

I am lucky. It is weird but typing out the posts about my folks had me sobbing like a baby. This was a good thread to visit. It reminds me of what being a couple means to me.

I am off to eat and veg out in front of the television. Have a nice night, everyone.
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #16  February 10,2010, 7:24pm
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My dad taught me so much! My parents married when my dad was home on leave from the Navy at ages 18 & 19. He & my mom made the decision that she would stay home and take care of us and he would work so at times he worked up to 3 jobs so that could happen. When he got a good job, he often worked double shifts and took all the overtime he could get to keep us in shoes. And when I, as the oldest, was ready to go away to college, he kept working overtime while he picked up a second job. I never remember him complaining.

A few years ago, my mom had cancer. She's now cancer-free! At the time, my dad had never cooked, never done a load of laundry, etc. He learned to cook and did all the housework. He brought her little presents to try to get her to eat when the chemo & radiation made her too sick to hold up her head. He helped her shave her head when her hair started falling out. He went to every doctor's appointment and held her hand. To this day, he lets her out at the door of everywhere they go so she won't have to walk too far in the rain or cold or heat because of the leftover heart condition.

When my ex left me with a 5 year old and a sick 4 month old, my daddy came to my house and moved us to his. My baby had never slept through a night, but I was at a point that I could barely function. He would stay up all night and take care of the baby and send me back to bed, then go on to work all day without ever complaining. When my ex refused to be a daddy to my kids, my dad stepped in and taught (and continues to teach) my kids lessons that they need to get from a daddy.

Yes, my dad taught me a lot. Sadly, I forget sometimes how much he continues to do for me. He called me just last week to tell me what I needed to do if my (non-recalled) Toyota's gas pedal stuck while I was driving. If I called him anytime, he would be there for me. That is love.
Last edited by singinggirl; February 10,2010 at 7:25pm. Reason: Thanks, Lori! You made me cry!
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #17  February 10,2010, 7:49pm
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I know this is supposed to be only about my dad (because I already put one in the mom thread too!) but I think my parents were actually a good balance for each other. I believe that my dad saw this more than my mom.

I think in watching my parents together I learned to be more sympathetic to the fragility of men. Not to say they are wimpy or weak, but they seem to be more easily discouraged if they feel like they are facing failure. I sometimes think that my mom wasn't so empathetic toward that, and seeing my dads reaction made me more aware of how important pride and ego really are to men. I dont think he was looking to have his ego fed, but he wanted more acknowledgment as someone important. In that way I learned to have more compassion for men (I hope!).

I also learned a new appreciation for my parents struggles. We want them to be so perfect and as a kid for me it was easy to forget that they have hopes dreams and fears like everyone else.

I'll add more if I think of more. Thats all that came to mind for now.
 
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nophotos is offline nophotos Post #18  February 10,2010, 7:56pm
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My father was a wonderful example. He loved his family and made each of his children feel they were the best thing that ever happened to him. He wanted nothing but the best for all of us. From him I learned that human connection is the most important thing there is. This week is 19 years since he died and I miss him every day. Thanks for asking.
 
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siren2378 is offline siren2378 Post #19  February 11,2010, 5:54am
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My father taught me how to say good bye. My father taught me the only way to get attention was usually innapropriate. My father taught me to wear myself out trying to get a man to notice me. He taught me so much bitterness, that as soon as he was reflected in the eyes of my partner, that it was time to be rid of them.
Thankfully, he was also responsible for the development of my strength. For the mirror image of the most undesireable man. As I matured, I used him as the model for avoidance. I made sure any man I was interested in had none of his traits.
I learned a lot from my dad. It just took me a while to put all the negative patterns into a positive light for my own personal growth
 
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Idril is offline Idril Post #20  February 11,2010, 7:55am
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singinggirl wrote :
Yes, my dad taught me a lot. .......... If I called him anytime, he would be there for me. That is love.
What a lovely post to read - I can admit, It made me tearful.

My dad's idea of love was at the end of a belt, rod or fist. So.... I can safely say I am grateful I didn't learn his version of love and I have proved that the abused doesn't have to become the abuser. My children's died (he died last year) was the most compassionate, kind man and they have learnt between the two of us, the beauty of being loved and of loving in return unconditionally.
 
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