Nicole1103 is offline Nicole1103 Post #1  January 27,2010, 12:12pm
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I was wondering what thoughts were about meeting instead of exchanging phone numbers after the e-Harmony correspondence is over?

If the face to face goes well and there is chemisty...then exchange phone numbers.

Just a thought.....
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  January 27,2010, 7:43pm
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I think this is a thread for melman.

Where are you melman?
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #3  January 28,2010, 4:28am
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Ultimately, the whole point of the site is to meet people.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #4  January 28,2010, 4:46am
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I don't understand the question. The first sentence says "meeting instead of exchanging phone numbers" and the second sentence talks about meeting, and then exchanging phone numbers afterward.
 
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Nicole1103 is offline Nicole1103 Post #5  January 28,2010, 5:11am
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I am asking if people choose to meet instead of talking on the phone for 3 weeks and then when they do meet there is no chemistry.
Last edited by Nicole1103; January 28,2010 at 5:19am.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #6  January 28,2010, 5:17am
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Yes, that is very common. When people spend too much time in e-communication (email or phone or texting or etc.) before meeting, you can build up a "fantasy image" of the other person in your mind. You stop correctly processing everything the person writes or says... you twist everything to fit your fantasy. Then when you meet, he/she can't possibly live up to what you have imagined.

People write about this all the time. You can avoid it by simply meeting as soon as you think you are interested.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #7  January 28,2010, 5:49am

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There is no reason why after OC, you need to spend a extended period of time on the phone. IMO the first few phone conversations are important. One or two calls to get a sense of a persons communication style and social skills.

Really, If someone can't keep a conversation going over the phone, not much is going to change on a first meet! On a few occassions, I felt I did not have a good feeling about this person and I did not set up a first meet.

Another reason to call is to set up that first meeting. I personally will not ask to meet over email.

I am not sure of the logic of not exchanging phone numbers prior to a first meet. What if they or you, need to cancel day of or last minute?

If security is a concern. Get a disposable phone,or block your number.
Last edited by CapnCrunch23; January 28,2010 at 5:53am.
 
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Optimist101 is offline Optimist101 Post #8  January 28,2010, 5:55am
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I would agree with melman on this one...hands down. I've had multiple online dating episodes where communication began, and then just ceased all of a sudden because there was too much e-mail or phone communication before a face to face meeting. The more time you spend communicating before meeting one another in person decreases the opportunity for conversation and really getting to know that person in a personal way.

Like melman pointed out...a fantasy begins to take shape in the minds of both parties, and can lead to disappointment from at least one side.

As hard as it is to find a special person willing to even begin communication, I think it's even harder to get someone comfortable enough to meet up on a first date before much communication has taken place. This is likely because of safety reasons, or because they're not serious about meeting someone.

I have yet to crack this dilemma...I guess she hasn't come around to me yet....I'll have to be patient...as hard as it is.
 
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Nicole1103 is offline Nicole1103 Post #9  January 28,2010, 6:22am
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CapnCrunch23 made some valid points. Thank you.

I guess I'm nervous about giving my phone number and it not working out. Maybe I will invest in a e-harmony phone number.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #10  January 28,2010, 6:57am

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Nicole1103 wrote :
I guess I'm nervous about giving my phone number and it not working out. Maybe I will invest in a e-harmony phone number.
I am not sure of the cost of eH's secure call? For me they have enough of my money

Yes.. of course there is a risk of it not working out. I'd much rather have it not work out over the phone though.

Not exchanging digits for security reasons doesn't make sense. If a person is a wacko, it would be easier for them to follow you home after the meet. Unwanted phone calls can be avoided, numbers blocked etc.

Benefits of exchanging numbers outweighs the negatives. When someone calls unexpectedly this shows interest. Flirty texts shows interest.

I had my first call with a match on Monday that lasted just about an hour. We are meeting on Sunday to go for a walk with her dog. We had a brief conversation last night to finalize time and place. This morning I received a text saying " is it Sunday yet?"

I am in the camp that believe this means nothing until you meet to see if there is any chemistry. However, it's nice to know this person is looking forward to it. No! I am not building anything in my head!

It's just refreshing that she has no rules, (like I do) No game playing or being aloof!
 
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