Marking the occasion (and expressing your feelings) with a card


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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #1  January 14,2010, 8:32pm
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So, I'm looking to see what people think on this, and if there is a male/female divide.

I have a few questions regarding cards for special and other occasions. This is more considering when an exclusive dating situation or a relationship has been established rather than the early stages of dating when an occasion might pop up on the calendar, so it might be a little awkward for gift/card exchanges.

1. What are your thoughts on giving a greeting card (Birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day) to someone you are dating or starting a relationship with? In your view, is it mandatory with a gift?

2. If you receive a card, what do you do with it?

Here's my reason for asking for those who want to read it:

I grew up in a house where all Christmas and birthday cards are read and displayed for at least a week. Our family doesn't write in a lot (we're not great communicators), but we pick out cards that have the right sentiment expressed. I have kept every card I have been given --I can't recall ever throwing one in the trash.

I once gave my ex (while we were dating) a gift with a card. He read the card, turned around and threw it in the garbage can behind him. I was stunned--he opened the card, read it and binned it in less time than it took for me to pick it out.

So, new guy (whom some of you know) is no better-- no birthday card (okay, we had just met two weeks earlier), no Christmas card with the gift (after about 6 months). Valentine's day is coming and I demand a card (and he just got his official one month warning)! He's had two from me now (birthday in September and Christmas)--both abandoned right on my counter or the coffee table where he read them. I think he should have at least taken them home with him and chucked them out without me seeing if he didn't want to keep them.

I have never seen family, friends or colleagues (female mostly) do something like this, so I am totally perplexed. Is it differences in family traditions and maybe a male/female thing? What do good manners dictate?

Is it asking too much to want a sentiment in writing for a special occasion? Why discard so quickly the sentiment someone spent time selecting in a greeting card or wrote in themselves?

Maybe I am odd in thinking that the card is part of the gift, and you take it home with you--you don't leave it at the giver's home. I realize that the card might not be important to him, but it is important to me. Shouldn't that count in either the giving or the manner of receiving?

I have never in my life gotten a card or gift out of the blue for no reason (just because), so I won't even go there!

Or is it all just a part of Hallmark's plan to make more money to you?

I am so curious to see what others have to say about this.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #2  January 14,2010, 8:40pm
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Cards are for mailing to people far away. Or for occasions like weddings where you need to provide evidence that you were there.

I would never give a card to a date. If I received one with a gift, I'd look at briefly and toss it out with the packaging of the gift. With a possible exception for a card with a completely handwritten message.
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #3  January 14,2010, 8:42pm
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I consider the card part of the gift too! Sometimes they are humorous and sometimes sentimental, it all depends on how I feel about the recipient at the time.

We too always displayed our cards and I still do even though I live alone, but after a week or so they do get thrown away unless they are particularly special.

Throwing the card away with the wrapping paper is just rude in my opinion. Some of my nieces and nephews do that.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #4  January 14,2010, 8:43pm

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I've given a present to some people without cards...sometimes I do...there are times that I just don't know what to write (unbelievable, I know).

but if given a card, I would definitely take that home with me...sometimes I put it on my refrigerator's door, sometimes I just keep it in the drawer, etc..I still have my dad's birthday card (that he left at my place, given and signed by all of us- huuge card like maybe 20 inch by 30) from 15 years ago.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #5  January 14,2010, 8:45pm
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VB_Girl wrote :
Throwing the card away with the wrapping paper is just rude in my opinion.
That's awfully strong. "Rude"?

Just not seeing why spending a buck or two or three buying words that someone else wrote, is worth anything.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #6  January 14,2010, 8:49pm

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I love this thread, Mel. My ex would ask me what I wanted for Christmas, birthday, what have you and I would always say just a card. The man would go out of his way not to give me a card.

Fast forward two years after our break-up and for my birthday - what do I get? - a card. Go figure.

***

I remember one time for Valentine's Day I had stopped by my parents' for lunch and there was my dad's card to my mom on the mantel. (Yes, I do the same thing - we displayed them - but I toss mine after awhile. lol!) I read the card, a very mushy one, and turned to my mom and said, "How cute is dad? He writes such mushy cards." And my mom just smiled and said, "Yes, he does." But my dad is a pretty expressive guy - happy, anger, laughing - you know what my dad is thinking. lol!

Some men aren't like that. They show by doing and being, not saying and writing.

***

But these men don't know the power of a card. Just think how appreciative you would be in getting a card just because. (Hint! Hint! Zal - trust me - only good things for you will come of it.)
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #7  January 14,2010, 8:55pm
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melman wrote :
That's awfully strong. "Rude"?

Just not seeing why spending a buck or two or three buying words that someone else wrote, is worth anything.
Melman--This is where I think the different family traditions (or male/female viewpoint?...we'll see) might come in to play. My knee-jerk reaction the first time I encountered this was that it is rude as well.

You see it as a few bucks spent on someone else's words (as I'm sure my ex did as well)--I saw it as careful selection of something that expressed the feeling I wanted to share. I was quite hurt seeing the card thrown immediately into the garbage. It is the sentiment that matters, not the words (or that someone else strung them together).

My thought is it should be kept for a week (although I personally don't throw them out).
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #8  January 14,2010, 8:55pm
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melman wrote :
That's awfully strong. "Rude"?

Just not seeing why spending a buck or two or three buying words that someone else wrote, is worth anything.
If I put some effort into picking out a card (even if they are someone else's words), the least you can do is appreciate my effort for a couple of hours until I leave or you take your gift and go home.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #9  January 14,2010, 8:56pm
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LizziePooh wrote :
But these men don't know the power of a card. Just think how appreciative you would be in getting a card just because. (Hint! Hint! Zal - trust me - only good things for you will come of it.)
LOL! Yes, but if he were to actually go out and get a card tomorrow, it wouldn't be "just because". It would be because he saw this thread!

I hope my reply posts before the site maintenance starts!
 
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melman is offline melman Post #10  January 14,2010, 9:02pm
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MelinCali wrote :
My thought is it should be kept for a week (although I personally don't throw them out).
VB_Girl wrote :
If I put some effort into picking out a card (even if they are someone else's words), the least you can do is appreciate my effort for a couple of hours until I leave or you take your gift and go home.
I guess you'd better put explicit instructions in your card then, so as to inform the recipient how it is to be appreciated. What about wrapping paper and bags and bows? Do I need to fawn all over those as well?
 
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