what the heck I love u but not IN love w/ U means????


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souxieque is offline souxieque Post #1  December 23,2009, 10:58am

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so i asked this in Talk about sex but it isn't abt. sex so i thought i should ask this in Abt. you instead because it is more About ME.
Tomorrow I get a insurance thing i get on my birthday ever year because my parents died and they had insurance and i get like part of that every year.
i go to dental tech school and going to start nite class @ the Comm. C. in jan because i want to learn more how to write for work and stuff. people here in EHarm. Advice have been support of me a lot since i started asking ? here and stuff so it is making me think a lot abt, my future.
so since i was 18 and fosters care kicked me out i live with my bf in his moms house BUT i have my own room and we don't have sex or anything. And I pay rent & buy food. Fosters care told us we Have to be Responsible 4 ourself.
so last week my bf said 'I LOVE u but am not IN LOVE w/ u' and i said What the heck does that mean and he couldn't tell me.
anyhow now i am going to be gone all day and at night from home and its a long bus ride and i think its may be time to just get a room where school is and not worry about my bf and his mom any more.
they want me to buy a big TV tomorrow for they house. but i am never there to watch TV anyhow so that does not make much sense anyhow and they are lots of money. I save my money for school and rent and food and i work too but he doesn't work and Ma doesn't work. She gets SS money.
Is it fair of me to just move away and like some people said here to start over away from everyone?
sorry this is very long but it is so much going on right now and I have to decide like NEXT week if I am moving b4 CC starts in Jan.
thank you very much souxie
 
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activeteacher is offline activeteacher Post #2  December 23,2009, 11:30am
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Based on your other post about the 40-year old virgins, you need to move out. If he is sleeping with others, but no desire for you, move on!
 
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classicliberty is offline classicliberty Post #3  December 23,2009, 11:33am
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Sounds to me he wants to be friends
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  December 23,2009, 11:57am
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Siouxie, I sent you a PM ...

Beyond what I said there I also think you need to separate out "what's up with my bf" from "where should I live" and other issues...

As far as what does "love but not in-love" mean -- the only one who can tell you that is your bf. Most people who would say that would mean "I think of you like a sister" or "a friend" but since you kiss etc. it doesn't seem like that's what your bf means. ?? It's confusing!

I'd deal with the "where should I live" kinds of issues first, get that settled, then deal with the bf...
 
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souxieque is offline souxieque Post #5  December 23,2009, 12:11pm

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thank you every body. We have this thing in the dessert called A Ball of Snakes where all the snakes get in a hole and wind all around each other and its like squirmy and always moving and changing and Thats What I FEel Like Now.
A ball of snakes!!!
There are so many things going on and all at once everything is changing for me
So like Sassy said I am going to make a list of all things I have to do instead of be a snake brain lol lol
good think no one esle wants the computer there today becaus I have been writing school and here on E Harm. for an hour!!!
Bit thank you very much for the ideas. souxieque
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #6  December 23,2009, 12:29pm

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I answered you in your other thread.
 
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misswright is offline misswright Post #7  December 23,2009, 1:02pm

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The meaning is that he love as the person you are and feel strongly for you.but the in love feeling he is not , well it nice for you too know all this before you have other breath taking monment.!!! he not in too you like that. "hon ",.......move on work on you getting your self together. in the mean time if you think you should address him do so !......... an let him be him ........that he always was.. sound like he could not put it no sweeter.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #8  December 23,2009, 4:15pm

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Holy Cow Souxie-girl you are moving fast here.

I hear your confusion about your boyfriend and the I love you but....... thing. As people have mentioned here and previously, it just may be that the closeness you have had, living in the same household, has changed your boyfriends feelings in some way. However if you are still kissing and holding hands it may be that he is confused too.

I thought you two had a good talk Sunday about this? Something might have come up since then, or perhaps your confusion is still in place, but I believe that Sassafras has a good idea for you in making the where do I live and Is my boyfriend in love with me two different items to think about.

I very much enjoyed your analogy of A Ball of Snakes. A mixed up mind can feel like that can't it, Souxie.

I'd encourage you to take this slowly but I hear your need to make a decision before school starts in a few weeks and understand that moving prior to that could be important.

Last, about the boyfriends mom and the large TV. Souxie, this is your money, not the boyfriends or his mothers. I commend you for sharing what you have but if you seriously are interested in making a change of living places, buying a large TV is not a good use of your funds. Perhaps a smaller regular television would be appropriate. You might even find one on Craigs List for under $100.00. People are getting rid of old TV's when they buy new big screen ones. Check that out first!

If you move, you will have expenses that you need to be prepared for.

I've sent you a PM about more ideas....
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #9  December 23,2009, 4:34pm
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It means they're cool with being a FWB, but nothing more.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #10  December 23,2009, 4:41pm
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Happy Birthday, Souxieque!

Your gut is telling you the right thing to do. It would be in your best interest to move closer to your school and out of your boyfriend's mother's house.

Do not let them bully you into buying them a big TV with your money! Do you think your parents would want you to do that? No, they want you to use this money to make YOUR life better! You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Do not worry whether moving out is "fair" to your boyfriend (who doesn't sound like much of a boyfriend, by the way) and his mother... do what is best for YOU!

As for the phrase "I love you but I'm not in love with you..." that is used fairly often by someone just before they break up with you. I know you care about this guy, but I think you know deep inside that he is not "the one" for you. I think you will find moving close to campus and focusing on your studies will be one of the best decisions you make in your life.
Last edited by Wonderwoman402; December 23,2009 at 4:52pm.
 
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