7 Signs of the Desperate Dater

7 Signs of a Desperate Dater

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7 Signs of a Desperate Dater


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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #21  December 10,2009, 9:37am
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Is this article not just saying "have a life"? Have goals and interests and obligations and responsibilities, have a line that says "do not cross"? Everybody is in a different situation- someone like AsianFusian mentioned would *have* to do many things last minute. But someone like that already has a very *full* life.

Desperation has "no life" in that it has no firm boundaries. People can be flexible, sure, but there have to be some things which are important to us, more so than casual or even serious dating. If you have no boundaries, you come of as a fuzzy outline of a person, rather weak and insubstantial.

If you know what’s important to you and are firm about those things, you *can* do last minute things as much as you want and not seem desperate (to blatantly paraphrase and plagiarize jayjay). Relationships are important to each of us, but they must start out lower on our list because they may not last that long.

Putting the relationship first can be a very good thing in an exclusive, long term relationship which already has a lot of history. Doing it too early- not a good thing. Plus, being happy in your own skin (opposite of "clingy") is very attractive… *grin*
 
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DancingFool is online now DancingFool Post #22  December 10,2009, 9:53am
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The article is actually spot on.

One thing I'd like to point out to those of you up at arms about last minute invitations is that there is a big difference between friends and established relationships versus someone you've just met and don't know.

However, the bottom line is that we all know it when we see it. There is a big difference between someone calling you up and acknowledging that it's last minute and making a polite attempt to talk you into something versus someone who is being rude, taking you for granted and expecting you to jump to it because you have nothing better to do anyway. The first one you can accept and you will not be thought less of for it, while the second one you are setting yourself up to be treated as an afterthought.
 
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eH_Writer_Jay is offline eH_Writer_Jay Post #23  December 10,2009, 10:04am
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Wootz wrote :
Is this article not just saying "have a life"? Have goals and interests and obligations and responsibilities, have a line that says "do not cross"? Everybody is in a different situation- someone like AsianFusian mentioned would *have* to do many things last minute. But someone like that already has a very *full* life.

Desperation has "no life" in that it has no firm boundaries. People can be flexible, sure, but there have to be some things which are important to us, more so than casual or even serious dating. If you have no boundaries, you come of as a fuzzy outline of a person, rather weak and insubstantial.

If you know what’s important to you and are firm about those things, you *can* do last minute things as much as you want and not seem desperate (to blatantly paraphrase and plagiarize jayjay). Relationships are important to each of us, but they must start out lower on our list because they may not last that long.

Putting the relationship first can be a very good thing in an exclusive, long term relationship which already has a lot of history. Doing it too early- not a good thing. Plus, being happy in your own skin (opposite of "clingy") is very attractive… *grin*
Well said!
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #24  December 10,2009, 10:42am

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I've been a desperate dater. :-o

this is the only article I've seen on EHA that hasn't been utterly stupid. Good Job!!
 
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jtkdp is offline jtkdp Post #25  December 10,2009, 12:09pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
I've been a desperate dater. :-o

this is the only article I've seen on EHA that hasn't been utterly stupid. Good Job!!

I've been too...I think it's most of the reason I ended up with my former wife. I'm glad to see I don't do the things on the list now.
 
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AsianFusion is offline AsianFusion Post #26  December 10,2009, 12:15pm
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Well, I tend to like spontaneity and enjoy life as I go . . . and not to worry too much about what other people think of me.

Moreover, I would like to believe that the reason my friends invite me to social functions (whether it be last minute or not) is because they enjoy my company, and not because they think I have nothing better to do.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #27  December 10,2009, 1:04pm

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jtkdp wrote :
I've been too...I think it's most of the reason I ended up with my former wife. I'm glad to see I don't do the things on the list now.
part of it is that I don't hold back when i really like someone- I'm an all or nothing type person in general.

this has led to many downfalls.
 
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eH_Writer_Jay is offline eH_Writer_Jay Post #28  December 10,2009, 1:13pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
I've been a desperate dater. :-o

this is the only article I've seen on EHA that hasn't been utterly stupid. Good Job!!


THANKS! I think.
 
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jtkdp is offline jtkdp Post #29  December 10,2009, 1:52pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
part of it is that I don't hold back when i really like someone- I'm an all or nothing type person in general.

this has led to many downfalls.
I tend to fall for someone I really like quickly, too. I read an article...I don't remember where, (derrr) about people who tend to open up and develop strong feelings quickly. I think a tendency to love quickly, and desperation are two different things, at least they feel that way to me.

About a month ago, I had a date with a tall, leggy blond, the type of woman men fall all over themselves for, but after spending an hour at lunch with her, I could tell it wasn't happening, and I think she could, too...if either of us had been desperate, we would have tried to make contact after that date, but niether of us did.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #30  December 10,2009, 2:06pm

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jtkdp wrote :
I tend to fall for someone I really like quickly, too. I read an article...I don't remember where, (derrr) about people who tend to open up and develop strong feelings quickly. I think a tendency to love quickly, and desperation are two different things, at least they feel that way to me.

About a month ago, I had a date with a tall, leggy blond, the type of woman men fall all over themselves for, but after spending an hour at lunch with her, I could tell it wasn't happening, and I think she could, too...if either of us had been desperate, we would have tried to make contact after that date, but niether of us did.
it happens with me with friends as well. when i meet someone, i instantly know whether i like them or not, and i chalk it up to good instincts- and my instincts have never been wrong. however, in the love game, I thinkmost of the time i am too intense for people. It's because i'm a scorpio, i swear.

i have done the desperation thing though, and usually realize it pretty quickly.
 
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