She does not want to be with me because I'm "too nice".


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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #51  November 21,2009, 2:39pm
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nightling wrote :
This is a bit silly. You just said you weren't an open book, followed by something that says you were in fact an open book.

There's nothing wrong with being an open book. She read you, she got you, she decided you weren't the one.

You know I was once on a date with a fella who mid-date looked me square in the eye and said, "You seem like a straight arrow."

I agreed.

He nodded.

I never heard from him again after that date, which left me in some confusion for a time. Was there something wrong with being a straight arrow? What did that mean?

Later, I learned why. He had decided I was too nice to be played.

You should be thankful this woman decided you were too nice to toy with. Some folks are not nearly so nice.
I do agree that sometimes a person could be "too nice" when the other person is looking to use someone at that moment.

Good people even may try to use someone from time to time.

I missed an opportunity last year to be used. Good girl in a bad place. The window was only open for a very, very short time but I definitely blew that one. LOL. She was wrong though because it is highly possible that I would have been fine with being used for a short time by her. LOL. Oh No! Not that!!

She was looking for a player & I clearly showed that I was not one.

If she wasn't hurt when we met then maybe she could have been interesting.... not sure... hadn't figured out if I was really interested yet. Definitely my type appearancewise but perhaps too religious or too much of a workaholic.
 
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gemend is offline gemend Post #52  November 21,2009, 2:49pm
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She is not ready to settle down and wants to go out and play some more. Nothing wrong with that; at least she was honest. I find that most people want to settle down though. I know I do....whoo knows?
 
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gemend is offline gemend Post #53  November 21,2009, 3:15pm
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I don't know if I replied...so, sorry if this is the second time. It sounds to me that she wasn't ready for an attractive, well mannered man. Maybe needs to play the field a bit more. Many people are not ready to settle down....I know I am, I wish I had found my nice guy and by that I mean someone respectful, well mannered, that knows who he is and is looking for permanency. It is really hard to find as well. Good luck to you. I have a feeling you won't need it, by the responses you are getting..many women seem to find you quite charming.
 
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DreamingOfAtlantis is offline DreamingOfAtlantis Post #54  November 21,2009, 4:06pm
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Michael1974 wrote :
Well, by 19 years I meant when I started dating. That was when I was 16 (it lasted a whopping 4 days); I am 35 now.
I know what you're saying. At 33 I had to break off with someone I loved deeply because she had serious problems and refused to get help. That was 14 years ago. Since then I've made it to a 2nd date 4 times. I've met a lot of women that dated based on income and not on the person, women that just poofed, or who had literally nothing to add to a conversation at all.

I'm about to offer a bounty to my friends: $500 for anyone who can set me up with someone I get along with so well that we are happily dating 3 months later without games. That's about the only thing I haven't tried so far.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #55  November 21,2009, 6:03pm
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Nobody had a comment about this post?

Again, there's nothing wrong with being "nice". But even if a woman really wants a "nice" guy, she needs to convince herself of that over time.

melman wrote :
I think although women may in fact want a "nice" man (i.e. reliable, kind, etc.), they want to discover it for themselves. They don't want to read about your niceness in your profile. They don't want you to lecture them about how nice you are. They don't even want you to show it right away by being over-the-top nice. Don't put yourself on a pedestal as an ideal "nice guy" that she may not think she's worthy of.

What they want is to peel back your outer shell and discover that at your core, you are in fact the nice guy that they are seeking.

It's a delicate balance. Instead of being "nice", simply avoid being "not nice". Keep a bit of an air of mystery about yourself... don't write long answers to the eH questions and avoid answering a question every now and then. Not in the interest of being un-nice, but to make her work a little to discover who you really are.
 
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Gumbee is offline Gumbee Post #56  November 21,2009, 8:16pm
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melman wrote :
Nobody had a comment about this post?

Again, there's nothing wrong with being "nice". But even if a woman really wants a "nice" guy, she needs to convince herself of that over time.
I had a comment about your initial post, but was reading my way through what everyone else had to say first: You are bang on right.

I think I've said this in other threads, but it's worth saying again: If a man has to *tell* me he's nice, I don't trust it. Show me.

A little OT here, but another thing that drives me nuts in profiles is where people drone on about how funny they are and what a great sense of humour they have, but not one word in their profile garners even a groan. Don't tell me you're funny. Show me.

"What you do speaks so loudly, I cannot hear what you say" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
 
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olrowe is offline olrowe Post #57  November 21,2009, 8:32pm
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Michael1974 wrote :
Hello all. I met a girl online and after talking for a few weeks, she asked what I want and I answered, "all I want is a single girl who's looking for a guy for a relationship" and I also said I do not want to get with a ton of women. She said that is too nice. Insane. How is that "too nice"? I'd think it is normal and practical.
I would love to throw a different spin on her comment. What if she meant it as a compliment, like you are "so sweet" because she rarely meets men who want this? I suppose only you can be the judge based on her body language, how she responded etc.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #58  November 21,2009, 8:41pm
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Noone is talking about telling a date that you are nice.

More about leaving some doubt in a date's mind that you may not be nice. Big difference.

Older, wiser women appreciate nice & tend to not care so much about the doubt factor.

IME women under 27 tend to need more games. Over 32 not so much.

Being nice will pay off eventually. Probably later as opposed to sooner but the quality might be better.
 
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DreamingOfAtlantis is offline DreamingOfAtlantis Post #59  November 21,2009, 8:41pm
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Gumbee wrote :
I had a comment about your initial post, but was reading my way through what everyone else had to say first: You are bang on right.

I think I've said this in other threads, but it's worth saying again: If a man has to *tell* me he's nice, I don't trust it. Show me.

A little OT here, but another thing that drives me nuts in profiles is where people drone on about how funny they are and what a great sense of humour they have, but not one word in their profile garners even a groan. Don't tell me you're funny. Show me.

"What you do speaks so loudly, I cannot hear what you say" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
What I find frustrating about this is that my humor is highly situational. Once I know the person somewhat, then my humor adapts to the person and the setting. I don't do well being funny when I don't know the audience.

olrowe wrote :
I would love to throw a different spin on her comment. What if she meant it as a compliment, like you are "so sweet" because she rarely meets men who want this? I suppose only you can be the judge based on her body language, how she responded etc.
Good point here. I have met women who just do not know how to deal with a man that treats them well. We get a lot of our ideas about what a romantic relationship should be from our parents and what our partner should be like (or what is "normal", whatever normal is anyway) from our opposite sex parent. So if a girl has a Father that treats her Mother like dirt, she'll expect a man to do the same to her. That's her definition of a loving man. So if you're sweet and he wasn't, that'll freak her out.

And please don't give me 30 posts saying this isn't always the case. I know it's not. I didn't say it was gospel truth or the only way things are.
 
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gemend is offline gemend Post #60  November 22,2009, 3:44pm
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That makes a lot of sense, to me anyway. The relationship our parents had/have or other important people around us as we grew up definitively impacts what is OK with us or not. Excellent point. Puts me down memory lane once more.
 
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