She does not want to be with me because I'm "too nice".

Hello all. I met a girl online and after talking for a few weeks, she asked what I want and I answered, "all I want is a single girl who's looking for a guy for a relationship" and I also said I do not want to get with a ton of women. She said that is too nice. Insane. How is that "too nice"? I'd think it is normal and practical.

I don't think it's a question of too nice, but when a guy tells me "all I want is a single girl who's looking for a guy for a relationship" I'd be wary too. Sounds like he might settle for any woman that happens to be breathing. I'm just thinking from the female POV

No that is not why she does not want to be with you. Its code for I don't want to be with you and I don't want to hurt your feeling by telling you the real reason so I'll phrase it as a complimentary turndown. Other versions: you can find someone better for you, its not you its me...

If some guy told me he was constantly surrounded by women, but was open to meeting yet another one, I would be completely turned off. If he couldn't handle all those women around him already, what would he need me for? I'm not looking to be one of many. (That would be my first thought, anyway). I don't think a man who says he's looking for someone single is bad. Why lie about it? I was single and looking for a relationship once upon a time. I may not have come right out and said I was looking for a relationship, but I didn't do anything to disguise the fact either. I also didn't pretend to be overwhelmed by all the men chasing after me. Men weren't chasing after me, so that would have been a great big lie and not the best foundation for an eventual relationship, in my opinion.

To the OP, I feel your pain. I was single for a long time too and began to wonder if there would ever be anybody for me. It was really hard sometimes and I also got told that I was too nice, too sweet, too innocent . . . blah, blah, blah. I even had one guy tell me I was truly an angel and therefore he couldn't sully me by dating me. What?! lol Luckily for me, my fiance, who I met earlier this year, thinks that I am so nice, so sweet, and so innocent that he can't NOT marry me! Hooray! It was a long, difficult wait, but so worth it in the end. My fiance is everything I ever wanted and more. He's not perfect and neither am I, but what we have works for us. That perfect girl for you is out there somewhere. It may take some time to find her, but I bet when you do, she'll appreciate everything about you and will be completely honoured that you chose her.

Don't put too much stock in comments that you are deceitful, dull, or whatever. Those are hurtful words and they won't do anything to help you. I remember you from another thread and you don't come across as deceitful or anything like that. I think you are honest about what you want in life and in a relationship and there's nothing wrong with that. What I do know is that it will take a very special lady to recognize the value in you - and that's not a bad thing at all!

I don't think it's a question of too nice, but when a guy tells me "all I want is a single girl who's looking for a guy for a relationship" I'd be wary too. Sounds like he might settle for any woman that happens to be breathing. I'm just thinking from the female POV - not that I'm condoning a long laundry list of requirements, but we all have something that sparks us and makes us want to take things to another level. Next time maybe you could couch it differently .. e.g. I would like to find someone I'm compatible with on a number of different levels.

Or

a match that's into sports with an incredible sense of humor. Stay away from the generic responses, makes you sound like you're willing to settle for anything coming your way. Just my opinion, and based on your pic you can be selective.

I think like some of the others have said that it might have been a nice way to turn down someone she didn't see long-term potential with, since you stated that's your goal. Be thankful she didn't waste more of your time.

I also agree with another poster that your statements as self-described make it seem like you're looking for just any old girl to fill that empty void at your side. I am sure it is not the case, but it does kind of make it seem like you haven't thought much about what qualities should be present in your ideal long-term partner.

Talking about those qualities on a first date seems too soon imo. It will make it seem too much like an interview date. Start out with some fun, see where it goes from there would be my take on it.

Good luck.

You're right and she's an idiot for saying that. Keep doing what you are doing and eventually you will meet a mature women who knows the difference between being nice and being treated like trash.

Hearing his statement without any other defining context, it came across to me as a pretty decent thing to say - I pictured a straight-forward guy who's just telling it like it is. That he's out to settle for anything that breathes never occurred to me when I read it.