Love: Does it make us more or less insecure?


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  November 19,2009, 5:07pm
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My one wish for you, is love. :)

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Another thread here on dating and insecurity (Dating and insecurity) made me wonder (and want to pose the wider question to the entire Community) whether the feeling of beginning to deeply care for the person you are seeing makes one feel more or less insecure?

Ostensibly, starting to feel loved by someone would make us feel more secure, but it often raises the stakes of the relationship such that fears about loss begin to result in feelings of insecurity.

Which has been true for you?

Does it very from relationship to relationship?

What kind of impact has it had on those relationships?

Looking forward to hearing from the group on this as I ponder my own responses to these questions....
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  November 19,2009, 5:43pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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If the relationship is progressing and I feel the other person feels likewise, an increasing interest in a woman has almost always made me feel more secure. At the moment I'm in a situation that's been making me feel less secure because I don't know how to interpret signals I get from her or know how to progress (or not progress) things.
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #3  November 19,2009, 5:59pm
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Just been lurking for a while....... but back again lol.

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jayjay - you'll get better at it, just hang in there. It just might be worth it, and it never hurts to learn something new....

OT: If it really is right more secure, once you hit a certain point. I have found that when it makes me insecure after that point I should have not been there in the first place.

Lilycat
 
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Michael1974 is offline Michael1974 Post #4  November 19,2009, 6:44pm
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Well, I have actually never been in a relationship or had love or felt love in my life so far, but I would think that love only makes people less insecure to the point of being 100% secure.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #5  November 20,2009, 4:54pm
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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I don't think it's about "love" ...so much as "trust".

You can say, "I love you" all day long to someone, but if you don't really trust them not to hurt you (either because of something they did/didn't do or because you are bringing baggage from a previous relationship with you), then obviously you will feel unsecure in your love for them.

Believe me, it's very possible to love someone you can't trust ...
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #6  November 20,2009, 5:20pm
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.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

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I'm going to say More Secure!

Unless, of course, the person doesn't love you back, in which case, it could probably bring our your worst feelings of insecurity.....
(or is that inferiority?)

But, to my way of thinking, the best way to be really secure, is for us all to be our own best friends.

j8a


and doesn't JJ look good today, must be the new Avatar!
Last edited by j0hn8andy; November 20,2009 at 5:22pm. Reason: yeah, JJ, couldn't help but notice..........
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  November 20,2009, 9:52pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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j0hn8andy wrote :
I'm going to say More Secure!

Unless, of course, the person doesn't love you back, in which case, it could probably bring our your worst feelings of insecurity.....
(or is that inferiority?)

But, to my way of thinking, the best way to be really secure, is for us all to be our own best friends.

j8a


and doesn't JJ look good today, must be the new Avatar!
Sorry...I was getting confused as to which posts were yours and which were mine...so I changed my avatar.

The thing is....I actually think I'm a very secure person, but that doesn't mean I can't or won't be affected by another person or relationship, even to possibly feel insecure at certain times. I tend to think that at the times I feel insecure....there's a reason for it, and that I need to pay attention to it and find a way to navigate my way back to feeling secure again in the situation (or out of it).
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #8  November 21,2009, 2:26pm
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.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

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jayjay wrote :
The thing is....I actually think I'm a very secure person, but that doesn't mean I can't or won't be affected by another person or relationship, even to possibly feel insecure at certain times. I tend to think that at the times I feel insecure....there's a reason for it, and that I need to pay attention to it and find a way to navigate my way back to feeling secure again in the situation (or out of it).
You're probably right. Everybody deserves to feel secure and safe.

j8a
Last edited by j0hn8andy; November 22,2009 at 8:26pm. Reason: changed status=changed text
 
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activeteacher is offline activeteacher Post #9  November 21,2009, 5:48pm
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is enjoying the wonderful countryside

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More.

Though sometimes having lost that feeling really lets you succeed at things. (I could really push my limits in races as I no longer had to worry about the other person, should I get hurt.) Really got better, btw.
 
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