Could WE (women) be partially responsible??


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
andabagofchips is offline andabagofchips Post #1  November 13,2009, 8:02am
andabagofchip…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 11

See profile

This great but beat to death topic was on another thread in the dating section where a man posted about his unrelenting fear/apprehension about approaching/how to talk to women.

I posted my two cents which was along the lines of: be 1000% honest...walk up to said woman, say Hi I'm ________. I'm sorry if come across as nervous...it's because I am...but I couldn"t let the opportunity of introducing myself to you pass by. I then told the poster that regardless of if I was attracted to him or not that I would respond by (a) swooning inside (b) tell him I actually thought he was quite brave to 1) be so honest and open about being nervous 2) brave enough to push past it and go for it. And let's say I wasn't attracted...I'd still make and have a nice conversation with the man with the hopes that by doing so, even though rejected, he would walk away with a sense of confidence, a sense of "well, that wasn't so bad", in short a sense of dignity and self-worth. This led me thinking....why is that man so confused/afraid.

I could never be one those women I occassionally see who reject a man in a cold/calouse manner and then proceed to make fun of him to her friends for showing interest in her.

So I thought:

Directed at the ladies here:

Is it just me or do you think mens' issues with approaching women/handling rejection has less to do with their own personal insecurities and more with how the woman treated him?

Directed at the men here:

Other than the obvious (rejection) why are many men afraid to approach/talk to women?
 
  Reply With Quote
ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #2  November 13,2009, 8:17am
ami1uwant's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Feb 2008

Seattle, WA

Posts: 4,637

See profile

FYI....I am a man. If you are referring to the approaching and initiating conversation...all I can ask of you women is to wear the other shoes and approach the men and try to initiate conversation. Only after doing that can you really judge if its a mans problem or a womans problem.

What is true with both sexes is that some are very good at talking to strangers while others, like myself, are much more reserved.

From my experience with meeting women is that many of them are hypocrits. They say these things mater when in reality they do not.
 
  Reply With Quote
andabagofchips is offline andabagofchips Post #3  November 13,2009, 9:40am
andabagofchip…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 11

See profile

ami1uwant wrote :
all I can ask of you women is to wear the other shoes and approach the men and try to initiate conversation. Only after doing that can you really judge if its a mans problem or a womans problem.

From my experience with meeting women is that many of them are hypocrits. They say these things mater when in reality they do not.
I hear you...and I have... I've walked up to men I find attractive and try to initiate conversation. I've been turned down rudely/nicely and everywhere in between. The rude/nasty ones don't stop me though...my attitude is "what's the worst that can happen? They say no way! So what..) It's not the end of the world. And even if they are rude/nasty why would I let that affect how I feel about myself?

When you say " From my experience with meeting women is that many of them are hypocrits. They say these things matter when in reality they do not" what "things" exactly are you referring to?

* I'm not being arguementative...just curious for some clarification on that statement.*
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  November 13,2009, 3:38pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,623

See profile

andabagofchips wrote :
Other than the obvious (rejection) why are many men afraid to approach/talk to women?

I have watched her reject already 20 men tonight, and especially if I overheard her make rude comments.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #5  November 13,2009, 3:50pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

Frankly, I think it makes perfect sense that men feel fear when approaching strange women when they are out. For example, I've been told it is NOT a good idea for a man to go out to a club across the border into Mexico and try to pick up women. Doing so may likely get you dead. The modern safety men currently have in many countries (such as the U.S.) to approach women they don't know is probably something very recent. I think it makes sense that out emotions are more in line with what the reality was for centuries until only very recently...which is that hitting on a woman you know nothing about can be a dangerous thing.
 
  Reply With Quote
Emme is offline Emme Post #6  November 13,2009, 4:26pm

.

Veteran

Joined: Dec 2007

Boston

Posts: 1,274

See profile

I talk to everybody, not just men I'm interested in. I like chatting with strangers. If it's a cute guy, so much the better. I have also asked out quite a few men in my day and it's always an interesting experience. I never understood why men had to do all the asking. Or the paying. I'm an adult, I have a good job, I have good people skills... shouldn't the obligation to meet someone fall as much on me as on him?
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  November 13,2009, 4:33pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

Emme wrote :
I talk to everybody, not just men I'm interested in. I like chatting with strangers. If it's a cute guy, so much the better. I have also asked out quite a few men in my day and it's always an interesting experience. I never understood why men had to do all the asking. Or the paying. I'm an adult, I have a good job, I have good people skills... shouldn't the obligation to meet someone fall as much on me as on him?
There you go.....getting all rational again.
 
  Reply With Quote
Emme is offline Emme Post #8  November 13,2009, 5:09pm

.

Veteran

Joined: Dec 2007

Boston

Posts: 1,274

See profile

jayjay wrote :
There you go.....getting all rational again.
Terribly sorry. I'll try not to let it happen again.
 
  Reply With Quote
WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #9  November 13,2009, 5:19pm
WYskywatcher's Avatar

got her profile back! Thank you tech guy! :-)

Virtuoso

Joined: Jul 2009

Least populated state in the country!

Posts: 2,960

See profile

I'd say it's a fear of rejection for both men and women.

Personally, I've never approached a total stranger with the intent of asking them "out" or trying to "pick them up." That seems way to presumptuous for me. I know nothing about them.

As far as conversing with strangers, sure. I love to meet new people and enjoy friendly conversation unless the other person gives me a reason to be concerned or uncomfortable.
 
  Reply With Quote
PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #10  November 13,2009, 5:45pm

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2009

Posts: 6,908

See profile

Sorry I'll read the post later, but as far as the title goes...my answer is YES

(after all...relationship is 50/50 )
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Greg's Profile Review | About You | Table for one, please.... »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Do men really like full figured women? DIVINE_DESIGNS7 About You 437 January 15,2012 3:28pm
Thoughts on this from a book? spectrefax Relationships 32 September 12,2009 9:07pm
Old Fashioned Romance & Courtship Just_A_Thought Love in Color 78 May 31,2009 6:54pm
What do women want...really let's have the truth. Chris34684 Dating 195 May 29,2009 10:20am
Do women have more freedom of speech online? outlaw1 A Man's Point of view 6 May 14,2009 12:49pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Just a thought... After reading your post, here's what I picked up on: When I got home last night, I sent him a quick message saying thanks for meeting and how nice it was to meet him. I know he ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “What now?” discussion

“Brokensmile, my heart goes out to you. I have to admit that when I read your other thread, I felt like things were moving in this direction. It's definitely a very unsatisfying place to be because ... ” –  boschimsp

Join the “The End Maybe Coming” discussion

“My condolences on the death of your mother. I can't imagine losing my mother at that young an age. It was hard enough at the age of 12, but at the very least I got to know her a bit. My memories now ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Has anyone lost their mother at a young age? How did it change your life?...or did it?” discussion

“Thank you all so much! I appreciate the time you all took to read this story. AND YOU ARE ALL RIGHT!” –  LadyVee

Join the “Confusing Man (LONG STORY)” discussion

“ You said you didn't want anything too serious yet you made out with him. He is likely thinking you are ok with a FWB situation.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Question on casual dating?” discussion

“Not so fast my little blue friend cause I'm winning!!” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Last Post Wins!” discussion

“I agree that it sounds like you might want to do a profile review as well as share a sample email that you might send to match. (If you choose to do the latter please just be careful to strip off ... ” –  boschimsp

Join the “Email advice” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:21am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0