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Lilycat's Avatar

Lilycat How's 2010 treating everyone so far?

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neardc wrote :
I would certainly agree with that personally, but on the other hand... if that is someone's deal breaker, then it's going to help him or her screen out matches who aren't willing to abide by it, and also allows others to screen them out. Is it any different from someone who is following that path for religious reasons saying something about that in their profile? The goal is to find someone likeminded and, given that this is not exactly a typical position, perhaps it's best to just be upfront about it.

Even though others think it's a silly perspective, I can understand that someone might make this choice and why they might do so and I just put it in the "to each his/her own" category. (And I don't see what's "hyper-feminist" about that... )
Good point, and thanks for saying it!
Lilycat
- November 7th, 2009, 01:38 pm
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scarlet13 and i found out where my edge is and it bleeds into where you resist

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6dle899 wrote :
"Will guys still date me if I say no?" "But I love sex! What about that?" "Every guy I meet turns out to be a jerk! Where have all the nice guys gone?" "But I'm in my sexual prime. I have to have it, don't I?" "What do men think when a woman refuses?" "Maybe I need some time off from dating. Will that be too weird?" "How can I make him wait until I decide if I really want to get involved?" "Isn't this an old-fashioned idea? Or some sort of religious thing?" "Do I owe it to him? Does he think I do?" "If I could just find more time in my life, I'd. . . ." "What if I'm the only woman in the world who wishes saying 'No, thanks' was easier?" And many more.Link to the full article here: http://www.enotalone.com/article/4308.html~~~~~I have just received my second of the matches in the last months from females that told me they were born again virgins.Flat out, "I am saving it for Marriage".EACH of them, over 50 years old by the way!!!~~~~My imaginary unwritten letter to them would be something like thisear BAV:You have described yourself, at 50+ years old with multiple grown children - as a "Born-again virgin"Well, BAV, I will tell you this; you are just kidding yourself, if somehow you believe that that has some "Value" to men. Virginity is ONLY one time. Once it's gone, it's gone. A wrecked or flooded Mercedes Benz can be fixed up and repaired to be like new again. But it will be branded with a "Salvage Title" when it rises resplendent, again on a dealer's lot, with pennants fluttering above. In some states, the Salvage Title can be "washed", after being sold and re-sold in sevveral states, so it's hoped nobody will discover its past history. And if you don't dig too hard, ie, Carfax or Autocheck, the seller can get away with it. I am STILL unconvinced its a virtue, especially when someone rubs YOUR face in it and touts it as some virtue, or worse, That you won't "get any" until the wedding night.Sincerely,6dle899And this from me, who by the length of time passed, could be, by some folks considered a born again virgin too, just the *male* variant. All that kind of stuff creeps me out, like religious fanaticism does. Not looking for the town floozie or something, but this to me, gets into the area of religious hysteria, or worse, blackmailing a guy to marry you to get sex. And that's: JUST NOT for me. Thoughts?
first of all, your link is also broken.

secondly, i don't think it's any different than a match proclaiming they are Jewish or Buddhist , it's just information, and you get to decide if you are compatible based on their profile. I agree with Neardc- it's a to each his own kinda thing.

thirdly, i think it's stupid too, but I'm sure there are good valid reasons for women and men to wait until marriage to have sex, even if they have done so before. just because you personally think it's wrong doesn't mean it's so.

didn't you say before you dated a woman who wanted to wait til marriage for sex? maybe you are a little bitter? hmmm?
- November 8th, 2009, 05:35 am
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trixie1868 thinks that the 'Flora' by Gucci advert is approaching art. I feel love...

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chawks64 wrote :
I'm curious how the children of these Born Again Virgins feel, knowing their mom is in effect discarding their creation. Not good.

Anyway, I think the whole idea is ridiculous. If you want to wait until marriage, then wait until marriage. That's your choice, but do you really need to give it a cute name and proclaim it to the world? We don't care!
And think of the potential sibling rivalry when mummie's next baby turns out to be Jesus!

(Sorry christians, only a little jokelet)

6dle899 ~ Are you seriously telling me that some women have refused you sex? I find that very hard to believe. Did you say please?
- November 8th, 2009, 12:09 pm
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FruitaBu is at home.

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Nothing wrong with waiting if that is what a person wants to do. If I met a man I cared about and he felt strongly about waiting, then I would certainly respect that.

I think it's uncomfortable for some women/men to openly discuss their feelings and/or timing for sexual intimacy. Maybe a catchy term is their way of getting the uncomfortable topic on the radar?

Not sure.

The term seems to imply that they have made this choice for reasons of Faith and so that may mean those matches just aren't compatible with you , Jim.
- November 8th, 2009, 03:26 pm
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6dle899 If it were that easy, everyone would do it.

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Friend of mine who is female said to me: (WRT 50+ y o females that proclaim them selves to be "Born Again Virgins"

" I firmly believe these women are looking to trap men...if they were younger, they would do it with pregnancy."


~~~~~


Holy cow, that's scary
- November 9th, 2009, 12:13 am
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Seriously, what's with all the derogatory comments around here about people's values lately? If someone's values don't align with yours, move on. If someone is set on waiting until marriage before having sex, and that doesn't fit with your values/goals, just close the match. Why read negative motives into it. They were simply letting you know where they stand so there would be no misunderstanding in that regard.

If my mom were ever to get into a relationship, I'm quite sure she would have a no sex until marriage rule, not because she's trying to trap anyone, but because of the value she places on sex. Not on virginity, but on sex. The 'born-again-virgin' thing is simply a buzzword that's popular in some circles. It doesn't mean she literally thinks she's a virgin again. Just that for her sex is restricted to a marital relationship.
- November 9th, 2009, 12:22 am
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as the way of it is, i doubt they're trying to rub your face in it - even tho that's what happens. i'm sure they just don't know how to broach the subject, are anxious, and have made the most apparent choice of just blundering through.

but i agree. it's a yuck.
- November 9th, 2009, 12:27 am
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peg099 wrote :
Seriously, what's with all the derogatory comments around here about people's values lately? If someone's values don't align with yours, move on. If someone is set on waiting until marriage before having sex, and that doesn't fit with your values/goals, just close the match. Why read negative motives into it. They were simply letting you know where they stand so there would be no misunderstanding in that regard.

If my mom were ever to get into a relationship, I'm quite sure she would have a no sex until marriage rule, not because she's trying to trap anyone, but because of the value she places on sex. Not on virginity, but on sex. The 'born-again-virgin' thing is simply a buzzword that's popular in some circles. It doesn't mean she literally thinks she's a virgin again. Just that for her sex is restricted to a marital relationship.
I was going to post my own comments but Peg, you seemed to say it the way I was thinking. I had the opportunity to have sex this summer with someone I dated for a while but chose not to for the same reason your mother would probably not choose to. It's the value I place on sex, not virginity. I'm no virginand have no illusions to the contrary. In fact the title, "born again virgin" offends me as a Christian. Being experienced in the act of love making actually did make it harder to say no but I also know what good sex in a good relationship is about and didn't want to make the mistake of cheapening that by jumping into bed with someone I might possibly not care enough for....so I made a choice that was not easy to make because the drive and desire was very strong.

One last comment....I would never withhold sex as a way to make a man marry me and am completely turned off by any woman, or man, that would dare to do that.

Last edited by winn; November 9th, 2009 at 02:06 am.
- November 9th, 2009, 02:01 am
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6dle,

In my limited dating experience, it seems that the women who initiate conversations like that or bring up sex in a negative light clear out of the blue usually have no interests to contribute to a relationship except sex. In a way, it's good that they show their empty hand early so one can move on quickly and not waste time with them.

Closed. NEXT !
- November 9th, 2009, 03:36 am
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neardc wrote :
...Why do you even care about this so much?
scarlet13 wrote :
...i don't think it's any different than a match proclaiming they are Jewish or Buddhist , it's just information, and you get to decide if you are compatible based on their profile.

...just because you personally think it's wrong doesn't mean it's so.
peg099 wrote :
Seriously, what's with all the derogatory comments around here about people's values lately? If someone's values don't align with yours, move on. If someone is set on waiting until marriage before having sex, and that doesn't fit with your values/goals, just close the match. Why read negative motives into it. They were simply letting you know where they stand so there would be no misunderstanding in that regard...
i agree with the above. if you don't like something about a match- close them. get over it and move on.
- November 9th, 2009, 03:59 am
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