How to find out what's in your baggage!


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #1  November 5,2009, 4:32pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

London

Posts: 4,703

See profile

Hey, just had an idea.

Was looking at another thread about describe your ideal partner in one word and this occurred to me ..........



Ok, first of all do it. Name the one quality that's non negotiable for you. Got it? Yeah?





Ok I'll bet you picked the polar opposite quality to the key negative quality in your last partner in your last failed relationship. No?


So if the ex was controlling your ideal partner would be 'flexible' or if they were a liar you put "honest"
phoney ~ 'genuine'
cheat ~ 'mine'
boring ~ adventurous

and so on.

You will be actively looking to avoid repeating the past by going for the exact opposite. You have learned about a trait that doesn't work for you and this is your 'baggage'
 
  Reply With Quote
peg099 is offline peg099 Post #2  November 5,2009, 4:43pm
peg099's Avatar

Sage

Joined: Sep 2008

Canada

Posts: 12,516

See profile

trixie1868 wrote :
You have learned about a trait that doesn't work for you and this is your 'baggage'
Maybe that's just wisdom

Baggage would be if assumed your partner had the same negative trait, in spite of evidence to the contrary. Or if you reacted to a partner's different behavior in the ways you reacted to an ex's behavior.
 
  Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #3  November 5,2009, 4:45pm

blames self-help books

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2009

STL

Posts: 4,879

See profile

trixie1868 wrote :
Hey, just had an idea.

Was looking at another thread about describe your ideal partner in one word and this occurred to me ..........



Ok, first of all do it. Name the one quality that's non negotiable for you. Got it? Yeah?





Ok I'll bet you picked the polar opposite quality to the key negative quality in your last partner in your last failed relationship. No?


So if the ex was controlling your ideal partner would be 'flexible' or if they were a liar you put "honest"
phoney ~ 'genuine'
cheat ~ 'mine'
boring ~ adventurous

and so on.

You will be actively looking to avoid repeating the past by going for the exact opposite. You have learned about a trait that doesn't work for you and this is your 'baggage'

Excellent theory and true to a point. I have always been attracted to guys with a sense of humor. My ex used to make me laugh all the time until I started hating him and then nothing he said was funny. Still I look for the funny guys.

I won't touch a guy that appears to have anger management issues, def born of the ex. Is that baggage or self-preservation? If it is baggage does that mean baggage protects us from ourselves?
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  November 5,2009, 4:47pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 30,725

See profile

I expect a Lady to wear red on the date.

I am especially partial to Ducati blood-red, but Ferrari red is okay too.

Could be red dress, red hair, red socks (being a Red Sox fan does not count.)

Any red but red ink.
 
  Reply With Quote
trackstar is offline trackstar Post #5  November 5,2009, 5:02pm
trackstar's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: May 2009

NJ

Posts: 204

See profile

I don't think anybody ever goes into a relationship wanting a controlling, cheating, boring phony. But, I do think we get more sensitive to behavior that we've witnessed before. Anger management issues are definitely something I look for now. . .even if it's just an over-reaction to traffic or sports. Also odd sexual preferences, how they treat their parents, anxiety, jealousy, ability to accept differing opinions, etc. etc. It's like a whole laundry list of "indications". . .ways that past partners have acted that later turned into something completely out of control. In that respect, I have a TON of baggage. I mean, I don't get all irrational and accusatory about it, but I definitely notice things. . .
 
  Reply With Quote
FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #6  November 5,2009, 5:14pm
FruitaBu's Avatar

is happy.

Virtuoso

Joined: Mar 2008

Florida

Posts: 2,668

See profile

My non-negotiable quality is honesty/integrity.

And yes, it is because I was married to a compulsive liar.

But I agree with Peg.. it's wisdom. Not really baggage. Just don't choose to experience that type of relationship again.

I no longer make excuses for or tolerate people who lie to me early on. If I see a pattern of it cropping up, then I no longer date them. Period.
 
  Reply With Quote
littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #7  November 5,2009, 6:15pm
littlebluemon…'s Avatar

Sage

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 13,323

See profile

I know what's in my baggage because I was recently selected for the very special inspection at the Seattle airport thanks to a small, bulb-shaped art-glass vase a friend had given me that was tucked safely into a sweater.

So, the TSA agent and I had a nice little chat as he continually reminded me NOT TO TOUCH THE SUITCASE while he searched it (I was standing at least three feet away) and when I told him exactly where to find the vase, he held it up and then said "I'm kind of surprised that it's empty." Huh? I'm a middle-aged fat chick with mom hair. I told him before he opened the suitcase what was in it, where it was, and why it was there. Does this sound like the ploy of a master criminal or even the pathetic attempts at evasion of a moderately stupid scofflaw?

Oh...I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

Integrity. Definitely. Oh, and undying devotion. I insist on it. : )
 
  Reply With Quote
LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #8  November 5,2009, 6:18pm

Unregistered

Joined: May 2008

SoCal

Posts: 7,705

See profile

I agree about this theory - I would think of this every time I read the must have/can't stands list from a match with eharmony. lol!
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  November 5,2009, 6:21pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
Huh? I'm a middle-aged fat chick with mom hair. I told him before he opened the suitcase what was in it, where it was, and why it was there. Does this sound like the ploy of a master criminal or even the pathetic attempts at evasion of a moderately stupid scofflaw?
lol. "Put out an APB for the LBMM".
 
  Reply With Quote
littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #10  November 5,2009, 6:28pm
littlebluemon…'s Avatar

Sage

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 13,323

See profile

jayjay wrote :
lol. "Put out an APB for the LBMM".
I know, right? Other than my vampire Halloween costume, don't most of my pics look fairly harmless? And yes, I got pulled over one time for speeding and the guy spent the entire time at my window with his hand on his gun. Made me nervous as hell. I couldn't even think about flirting my way out of that ticket. I just knew if I winked he was draw the gun.

I think I might be inadvertantly giving off some kind of bad girl vibe. I am NOT a bad girl. I am simply a good Monkey.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Okay....al the single folks...what is on your agenda for the holidays? | About You | what the heck I love u but not IN love w/ U means???? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Why doesn't interest from people you don't find attractive "count"? TheWanderer Ask a Dating Expert 37 March 27,2011 7:38am
Hybrid thread: 'baggage' and 'age' jayjay Dating 136 November 11,2009 12:43pm
too much baggage Emme About You 25 November 9,2009 2:55am
Baggage.... let's talk about that a bit.... chrysalis08 Dating 17 November 5,2009 2:21pm
Forgiveness - Part of Dispensing with Life's Baggage? DennisWisconsin Atheists, Humorists, and Science 5 August 29,2009 6:22am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 6:50am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0