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trixie1868 trixie1868 is offline
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Hey, just had an idea.

Was looking at another thread about describe your ideal partner in one word and this occurred to me ..........



Ok, first of all do it. Name the one quality that's non negotiable for you. Got it? Yeah?





Ok I'll bet you picked the polar opposite quality to the key negative quality in your last partner in your last failed relationship. No?


So if the ex was controlling your ideal partner would be 'flexible' or if they were a liar you put "honest"
phoney ~ 'genuine'
cheat ~ 'mine'
boring ~ adventurous

and so on.

You will be actively looking to avoid repeating the past by going for the exact opposite. You have learned about a trait that doesn't work for you and this is your 'baggage'

- November 5th, 2009, 05:32 pm
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peg099 peg099 is offline
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trixie1868 wrote :
You have learned about a trait that doesn't work for you and this is your 'baggage'
Maybe that's just wisdom

Baggage would be if assumed your partner had the same negative trait, in spite of evidence to the contrary. Or if you reacted to a partner's different behavior in the ways you reacted to an ex's behavior.
- November 5th, 2009, 05:43 pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo Can_I_just_be_Jo is online now
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trixie1868 wrote :
Hey, just had an idea.

Was looking at another thread about describe your ideal partner in one word and this occurred to me ..........



Ok, first of all do it. Name the one quality that's non negotiable for you. Got it? Yeah?





Ok I'll bet you picked the polar opposite quality to the key negative quality in your last partner in your last failed relationship. No?


So if the ex was controlling your ideal partner would be 'flexible' or if they were a liar you put "honest"
phoney ~ 'genuine'
cheat ~ 'mine'
boring ~ adventurous

and so on.

You will be actively looking to avoid repeating the past by going for the exact opposite. You have learned about a trait that doesn't work for you and this is your 'baggage'

Excellent theory and true to a point. I have always been attracted to guys with a sense of humor. My ex used to make me laugh all the time until I started hating him and then nothing he said was funny. Still I look for the funny guys.

I won't touch a guy that appears to have anger management issues, def born of the ex. Is that baggage or self-preservation? If it is baggage does that mean baggage protects us from ourselves?
- November 5th, 2009, 05:45 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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I expect a Lady to wear red on the date.

I am especially partial to Ducati blood-red, but Ferrari red is okay too.

Could be red dress, red hair, red socks (being a Red Sox fan does not count.)

Any red but red ink.
- November 5th, 2009, 05:47 pm
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trackstar trackstar is offline
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I don't think anybody ever goes into a relationship wanting a controlling, cheating, boring phony. But, I do think we get more sensitive to behavior that we've witnessed before. Anger management issues are definitely something I look for now. . .even if it's just an over-reaction to traffic or sports. Also odd sexual preferences, how they treat their parents, anxiety, jealousy, ability to accept differing opinions, etc. etc. It's like a whole laundry list of "indications". . .ways that past partners have acted that later turned into something completely out of control. In that respect, I have a TON of baggage. I mean, I don't get all irrational and accusatory about it, but I definitely notice things. . .
- November 5th, 2009, 06:02 pm
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FruitaBu FruitaBu is offline
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My non-negotiable quality is honesty/integrity.

And yes, it is because I was married to a compulsive liar.

But I agree with Peg.. it's wisdom. Not really baggage. Just don't choose to experience that type of relationship again.

I no longer make excuses for or tolerate people who lie to me early on. If I see a pattern of it cropping up, then I no longer date them. Period.
- November 5th, 2009, 06:14 pm
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littlebluemonkeymind littlebluemonkeymind is offline
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I know what's in my baggage because I was recently selected for the very special inspection at the Seattle airport thanks to a small, bulb-shaped art-glass vase a friend had given me that was tucked safely into a sweater.

So, the TSA agent and I had a nice little chat as he continually reminded me NOT TO TOUCH THE SUITCASE while he searched it (I was standing at least three feet away) and when I told him exactly where to find the vase, he held it up and then said "I'm kind of surprised that it's empty." Huh? I'm a middle-aged fat chick with mom hair. I told him before he opened the suitcase what was in it, where it was, and why it was there. Does this sound like the ploy of a master criminal or even the pathetic attempts at evasion of a moderately stupid scofflaw?

Oh...I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

Integrity. Definitely. Oh, and undying devotion. I insist on it. : )
- November 5th, 2009, 07:15 pm
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LizziePooh LizziePooh is offline
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I agree about this theory - I would think of this every time I read the must have/can't stands list from a match with eharmony. lol!
- November 5th, 2009, 07:18 pm
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jayjay jayjay is online now
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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
Huh? I'm a middle-aged fat chick with mom hair. I told him before he opened the suitcase what was in it, where it was, and why it was there. Does this sound like the ploy of a master criminal or even the pathetic attempts at evasion of a moderately stupid scofflaw?
lol. "Put out an APB for the LBMM".
- November 5th, 2009, 07:21 pm
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littlebluemonkeymind littlebluemonkeymind is offline
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jayjay wrote :
lol. "Put out an APB for the LBMM".
I know, right? Other than my vampire Halloween costume, don't most of my pics look fairly harmless? And yes, I got pulled over one time for speeding and the guy spent the entire time at my window with his hand on his gun. Made me nervous as hell. I couldn't even think about flirting my way out of that ticket. I just knew if I winked he was draw the gun.

I think I might be inadvertantly giving off some kind of bad girl vibe. I am NOT a bad girl. I am simply a good Monkey.
- November 5th, 2009, 07:28 pm
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