Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

About You Your healthy mind, body, and spirit play a vital role in all the important relationships of your life. Share your advice and insights here.

Reply
Page 1 of 2 1 2
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
trixie1868 trixie1868 is online now
trixie1868's Avatar

trixie1868 thinks that the 'Flora' by Gucci advert is approaching art. I feel love...

Veteran

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 1,876

See profile

Hey, just had an idea.

Was looking at another thread about describe your ideal partner in one word and this occurred to me ..........



Ok, first of all do it. Name the one quality that's non negotiable for you. Got it? Yeah?





Ok I'll bet you picked the polar opposite quality to the key negative quality in your last partner in your last failed relationship. No?


So if the ex was controlling your ideal partner would be 'flexible' or if they were a liar you put "honest"
phoney ~ 'genuine'
cheat ~ 'mine'
boring ~ adventurous

and so on.

You will be actively looking to avoid repeating the past by going for the exact opposite. You have learned about a trait that doesn't work for you and this is your 'baggage'

- November 5th, 2009, 05:32 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
peg099 peg099 is offline
peg099's Avatar

peg099 has fallen and he landed beside me :)

Sage

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 11,946

See profile

trixie1868 wrote :
You have learned about a trait that doesn't work for you and this is your 'baggage'
Maybe that's just wisdom

Baggage would be if assumed your partner had the same negative trait, in spite of evidence to the contrary. Or if you reacted to a partner's different behavior in the ways you reacted to an ex's behavior.
- November 5th, 2009, 05:43 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo Can_I_just_be_Jo is online now
Can_I_just_be_Jo's Avatar

Can_I_just_be_Jo :)

Veteran

Join Date: Oct 2009

Posts: 1,511

See profile

trixie1868 wrote :
Hey, just had an idea.

Was looking at another thread about describe your ideal partner in one word and this occurred to me ..........



Ok, first of all do it. Name the one quality that's non negotiable for you. Got it? Yeah?





Ok I'll bet you picked the polar opposite quality to the key negative quality in your last partner in your last failed relationship. No?


So if the ex was controlling your ideal partner would be 'flexible' or if they were a liar you put "honest"
phoney ~ 'genuine'
cheat ~ 'mine'
boring ~ adventurous

and so on.

You will be actively looking to avoid repeating the past by going for the exact opposite. You have learned about a trait that doesn't work for you and this is your 'baggage'

Excellent theory and true to a point. I have always been attracted to guys with a sense of humor. My ex used to make me laugh all the time until I started hating him and then nothing he said was funny. Still I look for the funny guys.

I won't touch a guy that appears to have anger management issues, def born of the ex. Is that baggage or self-preservation? If it is baggage does that mean baggage protects us from ourselves?
- November 5th, 2009, 05:45 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
D_Lion D_Lion is online now
D_Lion's Avatar

D_Lion - Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 14,316

See profile

I expect a Lady to wear red on the date.

I am especially partial to Ducati blood-red, but Ferrari red is okay too.

Could be red dress, red hair, red socks (being a Red Sox fan does not count.)

Any red but red ink.
- November 5th, 2009, 05:47 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
trackstar trackstar is offline
trackstar's Avatar

Quick Study

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 177

See profile

I don't think anybody ever goes into a relationship wanting a controlling, cheating, boring phony. But, I do think we get more sensitive to behavior that we've witnessed before. Anger management issues are definitely something I look for now. . .even if it's just an over-reaction to traffic or sports. Also odd sexual preferences, how they treat their parents, anxiety, jealousy, ability to accept differing opinions, etc. etc. It's like a whole laundry list of "indications". . .ways that past partners have acted that later turned into something completely out of control. In that respect, I have a TON of baggage. I mean, I don't get all irrational and accusatory about it, but I definitely notice things. . .
- November 5th, 2009, 06:02 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

FruitaBu FruitaBu is offline
FruitaBu's Avatar

FruitaBu is at home.

Veteran

Join Date: Mar 2008

Posts: 2,387

See profile

My non-negotiable quality is honesty/integrity.

And yes, it is because I was married to a compulsive liar.

But I agree with Peg.. it's wisdom. Not really baggage. Just don't choose to experience that type of relationship again.

I no longer make excuses for or tolerate people who lie to me early on. If I see a pattern of it cropping up, then I no longer date them. Period.
- November 5th, 2009, 06:14 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
littlebluemonkeymind littlebluemonkeymind is offline
littlebluemonkeymind's Avatar

Power Poster

Join Date: Jul 2008

Posts: 8,720

See profile

I know what's in my baggage because I was recently selected for the very special inspection at the Seattle airport thanks to a small, bulb-shaped art-glass vase a friend had given me that was tucked safely into a sweater.

So, the TSA agent and I had a nice little chat as he continually reminded me NOT TO TOUCH THE SUITCASE while he searched it (I was standing at least three feet away) and when I told him exactly where to find the vase, he held it up and then said "I'm kind of surprised that it's empty." Huh? I'm a middle-aged fat chick with mom hair. I told him before he opened the suitcase what was in it, where it was, and why it was there. Does this sound like the ploy of a master criminal or even the pathetic attempts at evasion of a moderately stupid scofflaw?

Oh...I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

Integrity. Definitely. Oh, and undying devotion. I insist on it. : )
- November 5th, 2009, 07:15 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
LizziePooh LizziePooh is online now
LizziePooh's Avatar

LizziePooh would enjoy a song.

Power Poster

Join Date: May 2008

Posts: 5,180

See profile

I agree about this theory - I would think of this every time I read the must have/can't stands list from a match with eharmony. lol!
- November 5th, 2009, 07:18 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ....is feeling optimistic.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,275

See profile

littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
Huh? I'm a middle-aged fat chick with mom hair. I told him before he opened the suitcase what was in it, where it was, and why it was there. Does this sound like the ploy of a master criminal or even the pathetic attempts at evasion of a moderately stupid scofflaw?
lol. "Put out an APB for the LBMM".
- November 5th, 2009, 07:21 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
littlebluemonkeymind littlebluemonkeymind is offline
littlebluemonkeymind's Avatar

Power Poster

Join Date: Jul 2008

Posts: 8,720

See profile

jayjay wrote :
lol. "Put out an APB for the LBMM".
I know, right? Other than my vampire Halloween costume, don't most of my pics look fairly harmless? And yes, I got pulled over one time for speeding and the guy spent the entire time at my window with his hand on his gun. Made me nervous as hell. I couldn't even think about flirting my way out of that ticket. I just knew if I winked he was draw the gun.

I think I might be inadvertantly giving off some kind of bad girl vibe. I am NOT a bad girl. I am simply a good Monkey.
- November 5th, 2009, 07:28 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 2 1 2

Bookmarks

« Okay....al the single folks...what is on your agenda for the holidays? | Array | what the heck I love u but not IN love w/ U means???? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Why doesn't interest from people you don't find attractive "count"? TheWanderer Ask a Dating Expert 17 November 29th, 2009 03:28 pm
Hybrid thread: 'baggage' and 'age' jayjay Dating 136 November 11th, 2009 01:43 pm
too much baggage Emme About You 25 November 9th, 2009 03:55 am
Baggage.... let's talk about that a bit.... chrysalis08 Dating 17 November 5th, 2009 03:21 pm

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I'm sooooo sorry...but if it makes you feel any better, and I do hope that it does...it can happen and does happen to everyone on here or any online dating site. The online world has to compete with ... ” – beautifulgenius

Join the “She broke my heart, but is it my fault?” discussion

“Lindsey, I loved your post about the rats and the light. I know, poor rats that drowned. But, I know what you are talking about. I constantly sought the light while waiting for my divorce to be ... ” – newbie40something

Join the “It's over.” discussion

“Reading these boards leads me to the conclusion that the primary problem with online dating is that it allows people way too much time to think, about way too much, and, generally speaking, they just ... ” – legend29

Join the “Too much thinking going on here...” discussion

“I got modded but I am sure it will show up eventually. .” – LizziePooh

Join the “argued about birth control methods” discussion

“I never been married but it is great if you can have a civil realation ship with you ex, it is rare only a few mature people can keep it civil...and not let others put their negative point views on ... ” – misswright

Join the “civil relationship with ex” discussion

“No regrets.....to me..there isn't any difference between online and in real life, everyone has a story to tell and it just takes time for the truth to be revealed.... I just keep on wondering what ... ” – legend29

Join the “What lessons have you learned from online dating?” discussion

“ I've been here long enough, and some people are confused enough, that the same person has accused be of mutually-exclusive opposite attributes - sometimes on the same night.” – D_Lion

Join the “He said She said” discussion

“So true, Suzyblueeyes.” – LizziePooh

Join the “When a guy says he's not looking for a relationship...” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:39 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0