Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

About You Your healthy mind, body, and spirit play a vital role in all the important relationships of your life. Share your advice and insights here.

Reply
Page 1 of 2 1 2
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
trixie1868 trixie1868 is offline
trixie1868's Avatar

trixie1868 had one of those days which make you trust everyone that little bit less

Enthusiast

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 912

See profile

Hey, just had an idea.

Was looking at another thread about describe your ideal partner in one word and this occurred to me ..........



Ok, first of all do it. Name the one quality that's non negotiable for you. Got it? Yeah?





Ok I'll bet you picked the polar opposite quality to the key negative quality in your last partner in your last failed relationship. No?


So if the ex was controlling your ideal partner would be 'flexible' or if they were a liar you put "honest"
phoney ~ 'genuine'
cheat ~ 'mine'
boring ~ adventurous

and so on.

You will be actively looking to avoid repeating the past by going for the exact opposite. You have learned about a trait that doesn't work for you and this is your 'baggage'

- November 5th, 2009, 05:32 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
peg099 peg099 is offline
peg099's Avatar

peg099 wishes she could sleep

Sage

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 10,937

See profile

trixie1868 wrote :
You have learned about a trait that doesn't work for you and this is your 'baggage'
Maybe that's just wisdom

Baggage would be if assumed your partner had the same negative trait, in spite of evidence to the contrary. Or if you reacted to a partner's different behavior in the ways you reacted to an ex's behavior.
- November 5th, 2009, 05:43 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo Can_I_just_be_Jo is online now
Can_I_just_be_Jo's Avatar

Can_I_just_be_Jo Blissfully happy!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Oct 2009

Posts: 602

See profile

trixie1868 wrote :
Hey, just had an idea.

Was looking at another thread about describe your ideal partner in one word and this occurred to me ..........



Ok, first of all do it. Name the one quality that's non negotiable for you. Got it? Yeah?





Ok I'll bet you picked the polar opposite quality to the key negative quality in your last partner in your last failed relationship. No?


So if the ex was controlling your ideal partner would be 'flexible' or if they were a liar you put "honest"
phoney ~ 'genuine'
cheat ~ 'mine'
boring ~ adventurous

and so on.

You will be actively looking to avoid repeating the past by going for the exact opposite. You have learned about a trait that doesn't work for you and this is your 'baggage'

Excellent theory and true to a point. I have always been attracted to guys with a sense of humor. My ex used to make me laugh all the time until I started hating him and then nothing he said was funny. Still I look for the funny guys.

I won't touch a guy that appears to have anger management issues, def born of the ex. Is that baggage or self-preservation? If it is baggage does that mean baggage protects us from ourselves?
- November 5th, 2009, 05:45 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
D_Lion D_Lion is online now
D_Lion's Avatar

D_Lion - Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 10,914

See profile

I expect a Lady to wear red on the date.

I am especially partial to Ducati blood-red, but Ferrari red is okay too.

Could be red dress, red hair, red socks (being a Red Sox fan does not count.)

Any red but red ink.
- November 5th, 2009, 05:47 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
trackstar trackstar is offline
trackstar's Avatar

Quick Study

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 128

See profile

I don't think anybody ever goes into a relationship wanting a controlling, cheating, boring phony. But, I do think we get more sensitive to behavior that we've witnessed before. Anger management issues are definitely something I look for now. . .even if it's just an over-reaction to traffic or sports. Also odd sexual preferences, how they treat their parents, anxiety, jealousy, ability to accept differing opinions, etc. etc. It's like a whole laundry list of "indications". . .ways that past partners have acted that later turned into something completely out of control. In that respect, I have a TON of baggage. I mean, I don't get all irrational and accusatory about it, but I definitely notice things. . .
- November 5th, 2009, 06:02 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

FruitaBu FruitaBu is offline
FruitaBu's Avatar

FruitaBu is at home.

Veteran

Join Date: Mar 2008

Posts: 2,312

See profile

My non-negotiable quality is honesty/integrity.

And yes, it is because I was married to a compulsive liar.

But I agree with Peg.. it's wisdom. Not really baggage. Just don't choose to experience that type of relationship again.

I no longer make excuses for or tolerate people who lie to me early on. If I see a pattern of it cropping up, then I no longer date them. Period.
- November 5th, 2009, 06:14 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
littlebluemonkeymind littlebluemonkeymind is offline
littlebluemonkeymind's Avatar

littlebluemonkeymind has left the building...

Power Poster

Join Date: Jul 2008

Posts: 7,588

See profile

I know what's in my baggage because I was recently selected for the very special inspection at the Seattle airport thanks to a small, bulb-shaped art-glass vase a friend had given me that was tucked safely into a sweater.

So, the TSA agent and I had a nice little chat as he continually reminded me NOT TO TOUCH THE SUITCASE while he searched it (I was standing at least three feet away) and when I told him exactly where to find the vase, he held it up and then said "I'm kind of surprised that it's empty." Huh? I'm a middle-aged fat chick with mom hair. I told him before he opened the suitcase what was in it, where it was, and why it was there. Does this sound like the ploy of a master criminal or even the pathetic attempts at evasion of a moderately stupid scofflaw?

Oh...I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

Integrity. Definitely. Oh, and undying devotion. I insist on it. : )
- November 5th, 2009, 07:15 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
LizziePooh LizziePooh is online now
LizziePooh's Avatar

LizziePooh has decided to put her luck to the test.

Virtuoso

Join Date: May 2008

Posts: 4,229

See profile

I agree about this theory - I would think of this every time I read the must have/can't stands list from a match with eharmony. lol!
- November 5th, 2009, 07:18 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ...is back in the U.S.A.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,349

See profile

littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
Huh? I'm a middle-aged fat chick with mom hair. I told him before he opened the suitcase what was in it, where it was, and why it was there. Does this sound like the ploy of a master criminal or even the pathetic attempts at evasion of a moderately stupid scofflaw?
lol. "Put out an APB for the LBMM".
- November 5th, 2009, 07:21 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
littlebluemonkeymind littlebluemonkeymind is offline
littlebluemonkeymind's Avatar

littlebluemonkeymind has left the building...

Power Poster

Join Date: Jul 2008

Posts: 7,588

See profile

jayjay wrote :
lol. "Put out an APB for the LBMM".
I know, right? Other than my vampire Halloween costume, don't most of my pics look fairly harmless? And yes, I got pulled over one time for speeding and the guy spent the entire time at my window with his hand on his gun. Made me nervous as hell. I couldn't even think about flirting my way out of that ticket. I just knew if I winked he was draw the gun.

I think I might be inadvertantly giving off some kind of bad girl vibe. I am NOT a bad girl. I am simply a good Monkey.
- November 5th, 2009, 07:28 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 2 1 2

Bookmarks

« Guys: do you need "help" with thoughtful gestures? | Array | Does your parents relationship influence your views about the opposite sex? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Hybrid thread: 'baggage' and 'age' jayjay Dating 136 November 11th, 2009 01:43 pm
too much baggage Emme About You 25 November 9th, 2009 03:55 am
Why doesn't interest from people you don't find attractive "count"? TheWanderer Ask a Dating Expert 12 November 8th, 2009 07:11 pm
Baggage.... let's talk about that a bit.... chrysalis08 Dating 17 November 5th, 2009 03:21 pm

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ One of my closest female friends asked me if I would be interested in meeting someone a few months ago..... .....that was two weeks ago and my contact has been minimal since then though I continue ... ” – j0hn8andy

Join the “Dating and insecurity” discussion

“ Could have said it better myself. It seems like the guys you are dating may not match your expectation of the future... at least at the rate you want it to happen. They could also feel some ... ” – Psycue

Join the “Men Have All the Power” discussion

“I would not question him about his weekends with his friend. It is not your place...yet. I would ask him out on a date for a specific time. If he comes back that he can't go and does not offer a ... ” – LizziePooh

Join the “Need some advice please...” discussion

“No bull, I thought your profile is one of the nice ones I've read. If I were to nitpick however,...maybe rewrite this: A touch of nerdiness is nice. Principles are sexy. Honesty's hot. I ... ” – peppermint4209

Join the “Feedback on my profile” discussion

“It is probably better to not say that you are committment minded. Some women don't know how to take that because it is not what they are used to or it doesn't fit the image of the guy in their ... ” – Michael1974

Join the “She does not want to be with me because I'm "too nice".” discussion

“ Let us know what mark you guys leave!!! So, if we go out - will your friend pick me up too?? I do need a designated driver. I so miss my ex sometimes. Have fun and Happy B-Day!” – LizziePooh

Join the “Gimme some Friday Night Roll Call !!!!” discussion

“I have been in that position, only because of insecurity as a child. Now, I know what it's like to be on the other side. And the attention one gets can be stifling, and you do want the other person ... ” – beautifulgenius

Join the “Smothering—Can You Love Too Much?” discussion

“ As I stated before not all "first dates" are "strangers." Every situation is different and actions are a function of the situation. See response above, and Laura knows all the answers (and loves ... ” – j0hn8andy

Join the “Does a woman's financial well being, profession, and wage matter to the men?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:02 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0