Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

About You Your healthy mind, body, and spirit play a vital role in all the important relationships of your life. Share your advice and insights here.

Reply
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 Last »
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
eHA_Admin_Lori eHA_Admin_Lori is offline
eHA_Admin_Lori's Avatar

eHA_Admin_Lori Welcome to eHA! :-)

Moderator

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 2,070

See profile

I've seen a few ladies lately posting that they're confused by things their guys have said to them.

Speaking only for myself, I get confused sometimes too and almost invaribly, here's how it all plays out.

He says something that's kind of like a "huh???" for me.

I let it go (or, try to) and then end up thinking about it....trying to interpret, imagining everything from the very best case scenario to utter disaster.

Finally, I come out and ask him. Usually he's:

-surprised that I was confused about it (because he thought he was really clear)

or

-sad that I spent so much energy worrying about it vs. just asking for clarification right away

and

-happy to answer any questions or talk things over more so that we reach the point where we understand each other

In the end I'm always amazed at:

-how easy it was for me to get the clarification I needed

and

-how often the reality was much closer to the "best case scenario" than "utter disaster".

(It should be noted that I've still done this far too often considering these lessons I've learned about this -- but I'm really planning to be better about it once I have a guy to practice this "come right out with it" approach with! ).


Now, on to my questions for the guys:

-Has this happened to you in your dating / relationships?

-Generally have the women involved been needlessly worried about things in these scenarios?

-Are you: surprised, put off, or welcoming of very direct questions about things you and yours might have discussed which were not completely understood on her end?

Goal of this conversation is to help women be more confident in communicating with the men in their lives when they're confused about what's going on. Looking forward to the feedback!
- November 4th, 2009, 04:38 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
neardc neardc is offline
neardc's Avatar

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 5,044

See profile

But Lori, is this really a "female" thing? These boards are filled with examples of men also falling into the "overthinking" trap...
- November 4th, 2009, 04:42 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
eHA_Admin_Lori eHA_Admin_Lori is offline
eHA_Admin_Lori's Avatar

eHA_Admin_Lori Welcome to eHA! :-)

Moderator

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 2,070

See profile

neardc wrote :
But Lori, is this really a "female" thing? These boards are filled with examples of men also falling into the "overthinking" trap...
You may be right. Perhaps I was UNDERTHINKING the issue!

- November 4th, 2009, 04:49 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
Hew Hew is offline
Hew's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Nov 2009

Posts: 13

See profile

Oh I'm definitely a thinker... it's part of my charm.
- November 4th, 2009, 04:49 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
chrysalis08 chrysalis08 is offline
chrysalis08's Avatar

Quick Study

Join Date: Oct 2009

Posts: 111

See profile

Curious to see the responses to this one from the guys. As a woman, if a guy overthinks things it gets a bit weird on my end...
- November 4th, 2009, 04:53 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

nancymargritangelita nancymargritangelita is offline
nancymargritangelita's Avatar

nancymargritangelita getting ready for Christmas

Quick Study

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 221

See profile

I'm also curious about what guys think.

Speaking as a female I definitely overthink things. I'm not always good at verbalizing what I feel and I think before I speak.

My mother is the exact opposite, maybe because she and my father will be married 51 years at the end of this month. Sometimes she'll say something to him and he won't be listening. When she attracts his attention, he goes into the old "I had my eyes closed because I was thinking" routine or something similar. She'll tell him "I know when you're sleeping and I know when you're thinking. I have something to say to you and you better pay attention because I'm not going to say it again." She doesn't overthink his reactions because she's familiar with all of them already; she just gets down to business with her concerns so that she can move on to the next phase of things.
- November 4th, 2009, 05:04 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
nancymargritangelita nancymargritangelita is offline
nancymargritangelita's Avatar

nancymargritangelita getting ready for Christmas

Quick Study

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 221

See profile

I'd like to know how many guys overthink things.
- November 4th, 2009, 05:05 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
CapnCrunch23 CapnCrunch23 is offline
CapnCrunch23's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Sep 2009

Posts: 1,244

See profile

nancymargritangelita wrote :
I'd like to know how many guys overthink things.
Just one.. He does all thinking for the rest of us and emails us his findings the choosen one rotates yearly..
Last edited by CaptCrunch23; November 4th, 2009 at 05:13 pm. Reason: Yup men can overthink things too. me guilty of that sometimes!
- November 4th, 2009, 05:09 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
tbesq tbesq is offline
tbesq's Avatar

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 3,309

See profile

I sometimes overthink things, so it's definitely not just a female issue.

I don't mind if a woman overthinks something, so long as she seeks clarification in a tactful way.
- November 4th, 2009, 05:39 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ...is relaxing.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,407

See profile

Lori....the examples you give seem more like 'failures to communicate' than overthinking.

I just had one of these things happen to me. When saying goodbye to a woman I went to meet for the first time this past weekend she asked me when I was coming back to see her. I told her I couldn't see her next Sat. but would like to see her the following Sat. Well, I later heard through her sister that she interpreted this to mean I either wasn't very interested in her or maybe I had another girlfriend that I going to be seeing next Sat.

I've found these types of miscommunications or mis-assumptions happen more for me in early stages of a relationship, before myself and someone else get to feel comfortable enough to simply ask for clarification on things like this, rather than just being quiet and wondering or mis-assuming. I can be guilty of it myself at times too.
- November 4th, 2009, 05:45 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 Last »

Bookmarks

« too much baggage | Array | Childhood - do you miss it? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Question for guys 20-35ish Red28 About You 39 November 5th, 2009 09:30 pm
Ladies -- will you date younger guys? stevex Dating 132 October 28th, 2009 09:12 pm
Ladies: Show me your bod saulgoode Using eHarmony 54 September 13th, 2009 12:36 pm
Ladies, are you encountering guys looking for you to be their savior? flowerchild66 Dating 63 June 27th, 2009 10:40 pm
? to the guys: about closing, and communication style....is it just me? SMRTRTHNU Using eHarmony 16 May 29th, 2009 09:14 pm

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Maybe I'm missing something too, but I had closed my match and she finally asked to reopen...but looks like if you've closed somebody before you can't reopen it as a non-paying member. Not that it ... ” – PY_2

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“hmm. well, i've got a nasty streak of religiosity. as in, i believe chastity is not only for the unmarried. do i qualify? anyways, i'd say it's hard to talk about "advantages." being religious is, ... ” – lil_lamb

Join the “Gods will and sex vs abstinence for older folks” discussion

“I went on a short ( 4 nights 5 days) cruise to Alaska (we couldn't see Russia though) with someone I was dating/a lover last year.We were able to take our own booze BTW and there were smoking and non ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Is a Cruise a good Date?” discussion

“Each person has his or her own set of correct behaviors, depending on their age, rearing, socio-economic status, religious inclination, financial ability etc etc etc.We can't and shouldn't attempt to ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Ethical Considerations In Dating Multiple People” discussion

“This is one of those discussions where it is difficult to have a rational and logical exchange because emotions take over. I think what is being missed the most is that the real problem here is that ... ” – waltercl

Join the “Frustrated & Confused: Is He A Sexual Addict???” discussion

“I see it too, ScottK. I also get a kick out of the fact that you got one star for this thread and I believe it is probably because you dared to mention that you are not liberal. lol!! So much for the ... ” – bigfincat

Join the “Hypocritical Match?” discussion

“Don't worry, you'll get your chance! If you marry a family man and have children with him, by the time you are in your forties, you will have all of the power. The older you get the more power you ... ” – neardc

Join the “Men Have All the Power” discussion

“Hi madewar..I know exactly what you are writing about.Having been married and divorced in after 10 years, then married to a real 'soul partner' and and then widowed at 61, I have little or no desire ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Seniors have different needs” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:36 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0