neardc is offline neardc Post #41  November 3,2009, 7:21pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I'm not assuming anything. A person receiving funds from a prior partner is receiving income beyond that which they are working for.

Nothing in that implies that is the person's only source of income.
It's not income in any sense of the word, D_L. We are talking about funds to do what parents are morally and ethically obligated to do (and what any good, responsible parent would want to do), and that is to provide for the children that they brought into this world no matter whose roof those children are living under.

I think I'm going to follow Sabete out of this thread now. These attitudes are just so offensive to me...(and sad...just sad...they really do make me sad).
 
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SactoDoug is offline SactoDoug Post #42  November 3,2009, 7:29pm
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is wondering why he can't get no satisfaction.

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D_Lion wrote :
I know men who are losing most of their pay (latest one is losing $2,100 of $2,800 / monthly income to the ex wife. That is not survivable. That does not leave him enough to eat. If daddy wasn't suporting him, he would not survive. How many ways do I have to say it? It is his income! She should get an effing job!)

If I were him, I would quit my job and go on public assistance. The courts can take my income but they can't force me to work. $2100 out of $2800 means your friend is nothing more than a slave.

In the case of my old classmate paying alimony to her ex-husband, he lost his job then petitioned the court for alimony from her.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #43  November 3,2009, 7:34pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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D_Lion wrote :
I'm sorry, I have only one answer (and it doesn't worl in hindsight), which is not to have children. That's the only solution I've come up with which fits reality.

I do not agree that people should be supporting ex-partners. As a matter of idealogy and viability.

I know men who are losing most of their pay (latest one is losing $2,100 of $2,800 / monthly income to the ex wife. That is not survivable. That does not leave him enough to eat. If daddy wasn't suporting him, he would not survive. How many ways do I have to say it? It is his income! She should get an effing job!)

This - and every case like it - is sufficient reason to never even entertain becoming involved with a non-self-sufficient woman.
There are also women who murder their ex's, who kidnap the children etc. That doesn't mean that all relationships work out that way. There are possibilities other than not having children. I mean...you could always just go live in a box in the woods. Then you'd be safe.
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #44  November 3,2009, 7:37pm
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anticipates

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sabete2002 wrote :
We need to stop with "mums" and "dads" and start talking about "parents". And you are an awesome parent.
thank you. and i agree- until we start talking about "people" and not gender, the conversation will not improve.

oh and...
 
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alissag is offline alissag Post #45  November 3,2009, 7:47pm
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Shnikies! I went to dinner and look what I came back to!

I had a career, it was an 85k paying career back in 2000, and my husband asked me to stay home with our children. We chose to adopt so don't even think of going down the "you shouldn't have procreated road"

I make good money now (not what I made before) but in almost any other area, I would be considered well off, however, I'm stuck in So Cal which has a higher cost of living (did try to move and we couldn't come to a custody agreement). He makes more than I do, we share 50/50 custody and he still has to pay child support based strictly on the numbers. As I said, it's an algorithmic equation to arrive at this amount. Don't hold it against me! I don't live beyond my means. It doesn't matter if your mom or dad when calculating with this equation, strictly punching in the variables.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #46  November 3,2009, 7:54pm

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alissag wrote :
Shnikies! I went to dinner and look what I came back to!

I had a career, it was an 85k paying career back in 2000, and my husband asked me to stay home with our children. We chose to adopt so don't even think of going down the "you shouldn't have procreated road"

I make good money now (not what I made before) but in almost any other area, I would be considered well off, however, I'm stuck in So Cal which has a higher cost of living (did try to move and we couldn't come to a custody agreement). He makes more than I do, we share 50/50 custody and he still has to pay child support based strictly on the numbers. As I said, it's an algorithmic equation to arrive at this amount. Don't hold it against me! I don't live beyond my means. It doesn't matter if your mom or dad when calculating with this equation, strictly punching in the variables.
I wonder though are we the exception or the rule. I sometimes wonder if these women that have these amazing settlements aren't urban legends. You know just enough truth to carry the story. Just like the crappy dads are not all of them, just enough to carry the story.

I know I was worried enough to go through estate planning before the ink was dry on my divorce. No one get my stuff but my kids.
 
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alissag is offline alissag Post #47  November 3,2009, 8:05pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
I wonder though are we the exception or the rule. I sometimes wonder if these women that have these amazing settlements aren't urban legends. You know just enough truth to carry the story. Just like the crappy dads are not all of them, just enough to carry the story.

I know I was worried enough to go through estate planning before the ink was dry on my divorce. No one get my stuff but my kids.
I have plenty of guy friends who have horror stories. So, I have come to accept the fact that I am, we are, the exception, not the rule.

The fact that my lawyer (had to get one to deal with the division of the company we started) said to me "I wish all my clients were as level headed as you!" Spoke volumes... I based my decisions on facts, not emotions. Chicks, in general, are emotional and vindictive. Generally, not very nice, hence, I don't have many as friends. They can really be terrible!

I treat others the way I expect to be treated, nothing more, nothing less!
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #48  November 3,2009, 8:10pm
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When I was first divorced, my ex-husband and I shared joint custody, although I had them slightly more time than he did. Even though I had the kids more than half of the time, I paid HIM child support. And I did so willingly and gladly.

At the time of the divorce, I assigned one of my 401(k) accounts over to him, cut him a check (five digits) AND assumed all of our joint debts.

And you know what? It was worth every penny of it.

Fast forward to today. He has moved 4 hours away, and as a result I have full custody of our now-teenage kids. I neither wanted nor asked for full custody, it was put upon me when he moved away. I love my kids and love having them with me full time, but having him closer was better for the kids. As a result of him moving away and my having full custody, he now pays me child support. He pays it, resentfully. Because he needed a new car at the time of moving (and because I wanted the kids to have safe transportation when they went to visit him), I agreed to $225/month less child support than the state formula set. My attorney advised against it... told me no judge would decide that reduction was warranted... but I did it because I felt it was the right thing to do.

My additional expenses for having full custody far exceed what he pays in child support. I spend $80/month in milk alone. It is expensive to feed and clothe kids. When the kids spend a month with him in the summer, my water bill goes way down, and I put 50% fewer miles on my car. He refuses to pitch in for "extras" like auto insurance for our teenage son (hardly an "extra"). He whined when our daughter got contact lenses and he was going to have to pay 39% of the cost... calling it "needless vanity" (nevermind she was taking TaeKwonDo lessons and it was a safety issue as well.) I pay for "extras" like high school senior portraits, but share them with him at no cost. I paid 100% of the cost of the TaeKwonDo lessons (total in the $thousands), yet he participated fully in the ceremony when she earned her black belt (and yes, he should have been there, he's her dad.) He is not planning to pay for any college expenses for the kids.

Of my friends who are divorced with children, none have received alimony and most have agreed to take less child support than the courts would have awarded.

Of all the divorced fathers I have dated, several had nasty ex-wives, but none got hosed as bad financially as some on here have asserted. When they told me the financials, it was all by-the-book as the state formulas set out, there were no additional payments unless he agreed voluntarily to pay (as one did for his son's sports expenses and his daughter's car).

Any guy who got a deal where $2,100 of his $2,800 income is going to his ex-wife (either child support or alimony) had a terrible attorney and ought to go back to court to get a more equitable arrangement. I do not believe judges award that much support. I know they do not in my state (also a no-fault state).
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #49  November 3,2009, 8:21pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
I wonder though are we the exception or the rule. I sometimes wonder if these women that have these amazing settlements aren't urban legends. You know just enough truth to carry the story. Just like the crappy dads are not all of them, just enough to carry the story.
I think they are urban legends. I've never met one of them.

I believe we are the rule, not the exception. That is my experience, at least.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #50  November 3,2009, 8:27pm

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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
I think they are urban legends. I've never met one of them.

I believe we are the rule, not the exception. That is my experience, at least.
My boss was complaining that her son had to pay 800 a month to the mother of her grandson when he only made 1,200 a month. Turns out the 1,200 doesn't include his tips(he is a casino dealer) and is after his health, taxes and 401k are removed. Wonder how many other people use this new math when complaining.
 
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