When I was first divorced, my ex-husband and I shared joint custody, although I had them slightly more time than he did. Even though I had the kids more than half of the time, I paid HIM child support. And I did so willingly and gladly.

At the time of the divorce, I assigned one of my 401(k) accounts over to him, cut him a check (five digits) AND assumed all of our joint debts.

And you know what? It was worth every penny of it.

Fast forward to today. He has moved 4 hours away, and as a result I have full custody of our now-teenage kids. I neither wanted nor asked for full custody, it was put upon me when he moved away. I love my kids and love having them with me full time, but having him closer was better for the kids. As a result of him moving away and my having full custody, he now pays me child support. He pays it, resentfully. Because he needed a new car at the time of moving (and because I wanted the kids to have safe transportation when they went to visit him), I agreed to $225/month less child support than the state formula set. My attorney advised against it... told me no judge would decide that reduction was warranted... but I did it because I felt it was the right thing to do.

My additional expenses for having full custody far exceed what he pays in child support. I spend $80/month in milk alone. It is expensive to feed and clothe kids. When the kids spend a month with him in the summer, my water bill goes way down, and I put 50% fewer miles on my car. He refuses to pitch in for "extras" like auto insurance for our teenage son (hardly an "extra"). He whined when our daughter got contact lenses and he was going to have to pay 39% of the cost... calling it "needless vanity" (nevermind she was taking TaeKwonDo lessons and it was a safety issue as well.) I pay for "extras" like high school senior portraits, but share them with him at no cost. I paid 100% of the cost of the TaeKwonDo lessons (total in the $thousands), yet he participated fully in the ceremony when she earned her black belt (and yes, he should have been there, he's her dad.) He is not planning to pay for any college expenses for the kids.

Of my friends who are divorced with children, none have received alimony and most have agreed to take less child support than the courts would have awarded.

Of all the divorced fathers I have dated, several had nasty ex-wives, but none got hosed as bad financially as some on here have asserted. When they told me the financials, it was all by-the-book as the state formulas set out, there were no additional payments unless he agreed voluntarily to pay (as one did for his son's sports expenses and his daughter's car).

Any guy who got a deal where $2,100 of his $2,800 income is going to his ex-wife (either child support or alimony) had a terrible attorney and ought to go back to court to get a more equitable arrangement. I do not believe judges award that much support. I know they do not in my state (also a no-fault state).

I think they are urban legends. I've never met one of them.

I believe we are the rule, not the exception. That is my experience, at least.