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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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mari3434 wrote :
And to further support cardguy's argument D-Lion, the premise that the non-custodial parent should not financially contribute towards the child (ren) upon separation because each household will have their separate expenses is flawed. This would simply support the argument that the parent who has primary residence with the children should receive child support. Indeed, not only does the primary parent have to pay for his/her own residence and other household items, but the children's as well. It would be unjust if the primary parent had to support the household and the children's daily expenses on his/her own - the non-custodial parent would invariably have the higher standard of living.

Nothing in my argument is flawed.

If I have not the (ostensible) pleasures of having the children, I (ought) not have the costs.

Anything other than that is what is flawed.

I did the work. I earned the money. Therefore I decide how it's spent.

There is a linear, unidirectional flow of value, and it starts with the income I generated.
- November 6th, 2009, 03:48 pm
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neardc neardc is offline
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Why do you expect that you would not still be able to enjoy your children after a divorce? Certainly most divorced fathers continue to do so--whether they have full custody or not--as has been illustrated many times on these boards.
- November 6th, 2009, 03:58 pm
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neardc wrote :
Why do you expect that you would not still be able to enjoy your children after a divorce? Certainly most divorced fathers continue to do so--whether they have full custody or not--as has been illustrated many times on these boards.
Actually, the non-custodial parent gets to "enjoy" the kids more. The custodial parent is there for the flu, bad grades, school bullies, forcing them out of bed in the morning, fighting over bad friends, making them eat food they don't like... the carpy stuff.

Non-custodial parents get them for holidays, Disneyland, Chuck E Cheese, the park, movies... WAY more enjoyable stuff.

Or maybe that's just how it worked out with mine...
- November 6th, 2009, 04:06 pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
Something you should consider about children, all the love you give them they give back with interest. I would not be healthy now but for my children. My life is perfect because we love each other unconditionally. I would move mountains for them and when I am hurting they are moving the mountains for me. Never out of duty or obligation but out of love.
Definitely true. Not right away when they're very little, but absolutely later on.

My oldest son was not his dad's "favorite", and his dad made that quite obvious, though he would deny it. My son knew that on both sides of the family, everyone was terrified of standing up to his dad and didn't want to make any waves defending him. He also knew I always had his back, no matter what happened. He grew up knowing I was the only one in the family he could always count on, and that I would do anything for him.

Now he's 18, has a great job that he loves and his own place. The roles have switched and I see him being very protective of me, both physically and emotionally. It was an eye opener, listening to him tell me he would kick a tough steelworker ex-boyfriend's arse when he found me crying after I was dumped suddenly. I politely declined and explained that we don't fight, unless it's to physically protect someone in immediate danger.

But the point was that he felt he was no longer in need of my protection and wanted to take care of me now. He also fixes my car and calls at least every week or two, without asking for money. He only calls his dad when he needs something or feels obligated. Why? Because his dad wasn't there for him (emotionally) when he needed him, so he doesn't feel the same emotional tie. It's really sad.
- November 6th, 2009, 04:28 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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Ha! That is a funny post from Chawks ...

Though I do not change my values: possession goes to the payor.
- November 6th, 2009, 04:33 pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I did the work. I earned the money. Therefore I decide how it's spent.
That isn't one of those protected 'inalienable rights'. On the practical side, it would be incredibly difficult to have the non-custodial parent be buying half the food, toothpaste etc. that would be used by the children while living at the other parent's house.
- November 6th, 2009, 04:48 pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Nothing in my argument is flawed.

If I have not the (ostensible) pleasures of having the children, I (ought) not have the costs.

Anything other than that is what is flawed.

I did the work. I earned the money. Therefore I decide how it's spent.

There is a linear, unidirectional flow of value, and it starts with the income I generated.
Completely incorrect, because bringing a child into the world is a liability in itself. Supporting a child is not payment for a service, it is fulfillment of an obligation. Your mindset that paying to raise a child is like paying a cable bill completely misses the point...by choosing to have a child you assume an obligation to raise that child. The fact that you may later no longer be interested in that child does not free you from that obligation. Putting it in your terms, having a child is an 18 year contract without any customer satisfaction guarantees. From a monetary point of view it's a losing prospect and a big risk besides, I don't think anyone here will claim otherwise.
- November 6th, 2009, 04:48 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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I do not agree with an idealogy that a child is entitled to a standard of living in excess of an adult's.

Supporting someone else's child is payment for a service, which is what one is doing when the child is resident with someone else.

At issue is not now and never was "interest" in the child At issue is that the funds are not there to sustain the standard of living previosuly available.

And I note you are not addressing at all the ethical implications of the wife deceiving or departing the husband (yes, I accept that this is not a gender-specific idea, but I can only consider the issue from my perspective.)
- November 6th, 2009, 05:00 pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I do not agree with an idealogy that a child is entitled to a standard of living in excess of an adult's.
Agree, though my experience and knowing many single parents has shown that it is a rare exception when the custodial parent and children have a higher standard of living than the non-custodial parent. It happens, but not very often.

D_Lion wrote :
And I note you are not addressing at all the ethical implications of the wife deceiving or departing the husband (yes, I accept that this is not a gender-specific idea, but I can only consider the issue from my perspective.)
Why are you assuming the departing spouse left on a whim and didn't have a good reason? None of us is perfect, and if you ask my ex why I left he would tell you that he worked too much, not that he got drunk and violent or was constantly belittling and controlling my son and myself. We all think there's no good reason for someone to leave us, and we all have a blind spot.
- November 6th, 2009, 05:08 pm
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Now I see how these threads go on for page after page. You all will have to excuse me, I hear my sock drawer calling me to go rearrange it.
- November 6th, 2009, 05:11 pm
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