Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #11  November 3,2009, 6:24pm

blames self-help books

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2009

STL

Posts: 4,879

See profile

jayjay wrote :
I can't dispute that there are many women who are unreasonable in what they want from an ex. I just wouldn't think that wanting a child support contribution makes a woman 'bad'.
All the children lived with him full time they only visited her. The youngest was 22 and a college graduate.

I stink at telling stories don't I? Oh by the way the giant didn't get down the beanstalk(20 minutes later).
 
  Reply With Quote
alissag is offline alissag Post #12  November 3,2009, 6:24pm
alissag's Avatar

Life's not about weathering the storm but learning to dance in the rain!

Pacesetter

Joined: Oct 2009

RSM, CA

Posts: 241

See profile

SactoDoug wrote :
All stereotypes have a grain of truth in them. Ex-wives have a bad reputation because the system is rigged to bleed men dry.

Now you are part of that group so just expect that everyone will assume you are just like every other ex-wife. You are not going to change that perception with this post. You can explain it to the men that you meet and they will think differently of you.

To be honest, your post is not going to sway me much. I have plenty of divorced friends that were sent through the ringer by their ex-wives. I will always assume that divorced women got every penny they could, deserved or not, out of their ex's.
Good for you Jo!!!!

Where I live, there is no bleeding a man dry. It's a no fault state, support is strictly an algebraic equation. It is based on custody percentages and both party's income levels, that is it!

I would rather not have ANY monetary support from my ex. The sooner I reach that benchmark the better! However, he makes WAY more than I do, but, don't fault me for that.

My ex and I chose to come to an amicable agreement without the influence of judges or courts, we both agreed to a monthly monetary payment, and,signed papers accordingly. No one was raked over the coals or taken advantage of.

Again, I'm an exception, not the rule.
 
  Reply With Quote
sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #13  November 3,2009, 6:24pm
sabete2002's Avatar

About to celebrate one year with the best guy on the planet!

Veteran

Joined: Jun 2008

New Jersey

Posts: 2,335

See profile

Child support is just that. Different than alimony. Please don't confuse the two. Sure, there are women who get both but I strongly feel that if there are two parents who chose to have these children, both parents are obligated to do whatever it takes to raise them.

My children have two parents who love them and support them equally. Now that my oldest is in college, the child support that came to me for the everyday things that a child needs goes to her directly. She gets an equal share from me.
 
  Reply With Quote
SactoDoug is offline SactoDoug Post #14  November 3,2009, 6:28pm
SactoDoug's Avatar

is wondering why he can't get no satisfaction.

Enthusiast

Joined: Apr 2008

Sacramento, CA

Posts: 525

See profile

Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
So really it is inconceivable to you that the woman got the raw end of the stick? It doesn't bother me either way. It really never occurred to me until reading some of the posts tonight. I made my choices because they made me happy not for anyone else or a pat on the back.

It is not inconceivable. On an individual basis, yes I can and know one woman that got the raw end of a divorce. One of my old college classmates ended up paying alimony and child support to her ex.

That does not change the general perception any more than my general perception of lawyers, politicians or telemarketers could be changed by meeting a nice one.

If you want to get out of the stereotype, you will have to do it one person at a time and it will only apply to you.
 
  Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #15  November 3,2009, 6:32pm

blames self-help books

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2009

STL

Posts: 4,879

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
Agree with Doug. It is so bad it is reason not to have children (I probably would marry, but only to a woman of comparable resources.)
I supported his lifestyle the first four years we were married. Not impressive really I inherited the money. Still people still felt I was a gold digger. I really have no regard for money. I have seen it destroy too many things. Off topic but I sometimes wonder if it makes me seem selfish that I don't want a man for any other reason but me, me me me. Not their money, and surely not to raise my kids. Me!
D_Lion wrote :
To your question, I tend not to make assumptions at all - I check the way the women act, limit my exposure, and don't proceed in the face of unreciprocated interest.
Yeah but you have a rational mind.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #16  November 3,2009, 6:34pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
I supported his lifestyle the first four years we were married. Not impressive really I inherited the money. Still people still felt I was a gold digger. I really have no regard for money.
This makes it sound like what you might be talking about is alimony, rather than child support. Is that the case?
 
  Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #17  November 3,2009, 6:36pm

blames self-help books

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2009

STL

Posts: 4,879

See profile

alissag wrote :
Good for you Jo!!!!

Where I live, there is no bleeding a man dry. It's a no fault state, support is strictly an algebraic equation. It is based on custody percentages and both party's income levels, that is it!

I would rather not have ANY monetary support from my ex. The sooner I reach that benchmark the better! However, he makes WAY more than I do, but, don't fault me for that.

My ex and I chose to come to an amicable agreement without the influence of judges or courts, we both agreed to a monthly monetary payment, and,signed papers accordingly. No one was raked over the coals or taken advantage of.

Again, I'm an exception, not the rule.
I think we exceptions are pretty cool. My state is like that as well. I had something on him that he would have given me everything. Even the life of someone I hate wasn't worth money.

My ex makes five times as much as I do even with support. When I graduate he will still make three times as much. I will have enough to support the lifestyle I want for me and my kids so it is all good.
 
  Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #18  November 3,2009, 6:37pm

blames self-help books

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2009

STL

Posts: 4,879

See profile

jayjay wrote :
This makes it sound like what you might be talking about is alimony, rather than child support. Is that the case?
I have both and I lose both. I have been told the child support part is not legally binding but I have no intention of arguing the point.
 
  Reply With Quote
tjlpd is offline tjlpd Post #19  November 3,2009, 6:44pm
tjlpd's Avatar

loves a flirt

Veteran

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 1,151

See profile

My ex and I made comprable income and we have joint custody. We have a joint account we contribute to for joint expenses. My ex questioned me on my withdrawals (even though I sent an email before I took out anything). My expenses were all legit but he did not even realize some of the things for school etc that needed to be paid. He get off easy as he sends me the kids in crappy clothes and I am embarassed by that so I do not do the same. Also somehow I am always the one who takes off work when the kids are sick. This impacts my sick leave and my earning potential. I am screwed as I did not want to go to court and have the ugly court battle. I kind of regret that especially when he had a habit of sending the kids to school tardy last year. He never does homework with the kids--I am the bad guy always.

Generally dads want to be fun-moms have to do the work that is why courts are skewed. I was stupid.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #20  November 3,2009, 6:47pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
I have both and I lose both. I have been told the child support part is not legally binding but I have no intention of arguing the point.
Ok....as sabete wrote, to me those are entirely different things. I'd expect a man to contribute toward the welfare of his children regardless....but if I found out a woman I'm getting to know is or was getting alimony I'd be pretty turned off unless there were some extenuating circumstances.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« What talent do you WISH you had? | About You | Drama Queens and Crisis Kings »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Secure call is worthless to buy passat1 Using eHarmony 13 February 3,2011 12:24pm
Shall I call, email, or not? funnyengineergal Dating 65 October 6,2009 8:56pm
To Call or Not to Call islandrain80 Dating 9 September 15,2009 2:38pm
Do I go on the date or trust my gut? Seriousminded 40 plus singles 18 September 5,2009 8:44pm
Wait for him to call or just call them? jeeknx 40 Something 7 August 13,2009 12:57pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 6:16am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0