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Can_I_just_be_Jo Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline
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jayjay wrote :
I can't dispute that there are many women who are unreasonable in what they want from an ex. I just wouldn't think that wanting a child support contribution makes a woman 'bad'.
All the children lived with him full time they only visited her. The youngest was 22 and a college graduate.

I stink at telling stories don't I? Oh by the way the giant didn't get down the beanstalk(20 minutes later).
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:24 pm
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SactoDoug wrote :
All stereotypes have a grain of truth in them. Ex-wives have a bad reputation because the system is rigged to bleed men dry.

Now you are part of that group so just expect that everyone will assume you are just like every other ex-wife. You are not going to change that perception with this post. You can explain it to the men that you meet and they will think differently of you.

To be honest, your post is not going to sway me much. I have plenty of divorced friends that were sent through the ringer by their ex-wives. I will always assume that divorced women got every penny they could, deserved or not, out of their ex's.
Good for you Jo!!!!

Where I live, there is no bleeding a man dry. It's a no fault state, support is strictly an algebraic equation. It is based on custody percentages and both party's income levels, that is it!

I would rather not have ANY monetary support from my ex. The sooner I reach that benchmark the better! However, he makes WAY more than I do, but, don't fault me for that.

My ex and I chose to come to an amicable agreement without the influence of judges or courts, we both agreed to a monthly monetary payment, and,signed papers accordingly. No one was raked over the coals or taken advantage of.

Again, I'm an exception, not the rule.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:24 pm
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sabete2002 sabete2002 is offline
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Child support is just that. Different than alimony. Please don't confuse the two. Sure, there are women who get both but I strongly feel that if there are two parents who chose to have these children, both parents are obligated to do whatever it takes to raise them.

My children have two parents who love them and support them equally. Now that my oldest is in college, the child support that came to me for the everyday things that a child needs goes to her directly. She gets an equal share from me.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:24 pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
So really it is inconceivable to you that the woman got the raw end of the stick? It doesn't bother me either way. It really never occurred to me until reading some of the posts tonight. I made my choices because they made me happy not for anyone else or a pat on the back.

It is not inconceivable. On an individual basis, yes I can and know one woman that got the raw end of a divorce. One of my old college classmates ended up paying alimony and child support to her ex.

That does not change the general perception any more than my general perception of lawyers, politicians or telemarketers could be changed by meeting a nice one.

If you want to get out of the stereotype, you will have to do it one person at a time and it will only apply to you.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:28 pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Agree with Doug. It is so bad it is reason not to have children (I probably would marry, but only to a woman of comparable resources.)
I supported his lifestyle the first four years we were married. Not impressive really I inherited the money. Still people still felt I was a gold digger. I really have no regard for money. I have seen it destroy too many things. Off topic but I sometimes wonder if it makes me seem selfish that I don't want a man for any other reason but me, me me me. Not their money, and surely not to raise my kids. Me!
D_Lion wrote :
To your question, I tend not to make assumptions at all - I check the way the women act, limit my exposure, and don't proceed in the face of unreciprocated interest.
Yeah but you have a rational mind.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:32 pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
I supported his lifestyle the first four years we were married. Not impressive really I inherited the money. Still people still felt I was a gold digger. I really have no regard for money.
This makes it sound like what you might be talking about is alimony, rather than child support. Is that the case?
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:34 pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline
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alissag wrote :
Good for you Jo!!!!

Where I live, there is no bleeding a man dry. It's a no fault state, support is strictly an algebraic equation. It is based on custody percentages and both party's income levels, that is it!

I would rather not have ANY monetary support from my ex. The sooner I reach that benchmark the better! However, he makes WAY more than I do, but, don't fault me for that.

My ex and I chose to come to an amicable agreement without the influence of judges or courts, we both agreed to a monthly monetary payment, and,signed papers accordingly. No one was raked over the coals or taken advantage of.

Again, I'm an exception, not the rule.
I think we exceptions are pretty cool. My state is like that as well. I had something on him that he would have given me everything. Even the life of someone I hate wasn't worth money.

My ex makes five times as much as I do even with support. When I graduate he will still make three times as much. I will have enough to support the lifestyle I want for me and my kids so it is all good.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:36 pm
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jayjay wrote :
This makes it sound like what you might be talking about is alimony, rather than child support. Is that the case?
I have both and I lose both. I have been told the child support part is not legally binding but I have no intention of arguing the point.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:37 pm
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My ex and I made comprable income and we have joint custody. We have a joint account we contribute to for joint expenses. My ex questioned me on my withdrawals (even though I sent an email before I took out anything). My expenses were all legit but he did not even realize some of the things for school etc that needed to be paid. He get off easy as he sends me the kids in crappy clothes and I am embarassed by that so I do not do the same. Also somehow I am always the one who takes off work when the kids are sick. This impacts my sick leave and my earning potential. I am screwed as I did not want to go to court and have the ugly court battle. I kind of regret that especially when he had a habit of sending the kids to school tardy last year. He never does homework with the kids--I am the bad guy always.

Generally dads want to be fun-moms have to do the work that is why courts are skewed. I was stupid.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:44 pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
I have both and I lose both. I have been told the child support part is not legally binding but I have no intention of arguing the point.
Ok....as sabete wrote, to me those are entirely different things. I'd expect a man to contribute toward the welfare of his children regardless....but if I found out a woman I'm getting to know is or was getting alimony I'd be pretty turned off unless there were some extenuating circumstances.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:47 pm
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