sqg123 is offline sqg123 Post #91  November 5,2009, 7:22am
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D_Lion wrote :
Get a job like a real person!

How many times do I have to say it?! I make ONE salary! I can only afford ONE house! Mine.

Women who want income need to work. Why is this so difficult for some people to grasp?
DL are you arguing that you shouldn't have to pay child support?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #92  November 5,2009, 7:28am
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
I was speaking to a gentleman I was dating. His ex was taking him back to court because he was cutting off the child support for the craziest of reasons, their kids were no longer children. I really was shocked women behave in this manner. So I asked him what do you call a woman who not only agreed to but insisted that her support be capped at four years. He said that person doesn't exist so they have no name. I asked if he wanted to see my divorce decree.

I needed the ability to support my kids and myself. I asked only four years to earn a five year degree. I added a second major so I will have earned 183 credit hours in four years. Do the math, I have no life. What I do have is my self respect and that is worth more to me than money.

So as I look at all you wonderful men in the dating pool should I assume you believe that I am like your ex. Should I assume you believe I bled him dry and will keep squeezing until the last one turns 22?

It makes me sad to think that after I tried to be fair that I would be judged by some stereotype. So kind gentleman what should I think?
Seems that this question goes to the heart of the other thread on baggage. I have known both women that feel that they are ENTITLED to every last cent that they can convince a judge to grant them so that they can sit on their backside and do nothing for the rest of their lives and those such as yourself. Women like you have been more prevalent though the others get most of the press.

Then of course there was the judge that ordered a friend to pay child support for children that were not his either through birth or adoption. That is pretty screwed up. Where was the children's father?
 
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saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #93  November 5,2009, 8:56am
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I'll add a bit of irony that I've run into OVER AND OVER in dating.

She and I discuss CS. It comes up, you know, always.

"I pay my ex CS," I say.

"But you have 50:50, right?" she says.

"Yep."

"And she's a CPA?"

"Yep."

"She got the house and drives that Beamer, right?"

"Yep."

"That's sick," she says, usually shaking her head.

"How about you?" I ask. "Your kid's daddy paying you CS?"

"No," she says. "That SOB hasn't paid me anything for three months."

~~~~~~

You see the irony, right? Women curse my ex for demanding CS, then curse their own ex for not paying ~her~ CS.

Personally, were I on the downside of the income calculation -- which is gender-neutral, I've known plenty of women who pay CS -- I would refuse any sort of CS.

Call it pride. Call it conservatism. Call it a strong work ethic.

But for me, I see CS as welfare (it's income I have not earned, that allows me to live beyond a means that I have worked for).

And I'm not a welfare sorta guy. I take care of my own, thank you.

My personal opinion is that all things being equal, if you cannot support your child financially, then the other parent gets custody.

Period.

That'd sure reduce the divorce rate, eh!


- Saul
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #94  November 5,2009, 9:13am

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saulgoode wrote :
But for me, I see CS as welfare (it's income I have not earned, that allows me to live beyond a means that I have worked for).

And I'm not a welfare sorta guy. I take care of my own, thank you.
This is my exact reason I had to support myself in the long run.
saulgoode wrote :
My personal opinion is that all things being equal, if you cannot support your child financially, then the other parent gets custody.
This would not have been fair to me or my children. Because we chose to have me stay home with the kids and lose my employment value I should give him full custody? All I asked for is four years to gain the skills. You know I spent 14 years raising our children perhaps I have earned four years support.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #95  November 5,2009, 9:20am
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Okay, Saul, so if you were working a minimum wage job (@$14,000/year) and your ex was making $100,000/year, you would be too "proud" to accept child support so that you could afford decent housing for your children when they stayed with you, or to be in a safe neighborhood, or to feed them good, healthy food? I know that's not the situation you're in, but it is the situation that women sometimes get in after being out of the workforce to raise children and then having to support themselves and their children.

Your example conversation doesn't provide enough information to judge it. How much child support does her ex owe? What is the difference in their salaries and how much is that support needed to provide for her children? You situation (where your wife and your resources are comparable) and hers may be quite different.

saulgoode wrote :
My personal opinion is that all things being equal, if you cannot support your child financially, then the other parent gets custody.
Of course, all things are never equal. Certainly, financial support is not all that children need, and the financially more well off parent is not always the one who wants full custody or is willing/able to provide all care and all that entails. Money does not make one parent better than the other; it just means they have more resources.
 
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rafa is offline rafa Post #96  November 5,2009, 10:05am
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Despite having “no life”, you still manage to retain “self respect”? Really?
It appears you have no life to share with your kids, either, and you believe this situation you’ve chosen for yourself and your kids is more valuable than money? Dearest, you and your children are entitled to both. It’s called “CHILD support” not “mommy wants to prove she’s different from all the rest even if it kills her and the babies” support. The “I tried to be fair which makes me more attractive” game is tired and very transparent.
Good luck finding colleges (for you and your kids) accepting “self respect” in lieu of tuition money.
Yes, you definitely got schooled...
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #97  November 5,2009, 2:07pm

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rafa wrote :
Despite having “no life”, you still manage to retain “self respect”? Really?
It appears you have no life to share with your kids, either, and you believe this situation you’ve chosen for yourself and your kids is more valuable than money? Dearest, you and your children are entitled to both. It’s called “CHILD support” not “mommy wants to prove she’s different from all the rest even if it kills her and the babies” support. The “I tried to be fair which makes me more attractive” game is tired and very transparent.
Good luck finding colleges (for you and your kids) accepting “self respect” in lieu of tuition money.
Yes, you definitely got schooled...
Wow, without reading the rules I have a hunch your post is a violation of the board policies here.

You know nothing about me, you don't even know the ages of my children but yet you claim that I have failed them. Let's see my oldest is 21 and works full time for his grandfather's business. He chose trade of college education. My next is a 19 year old daughter who is currently a sophomore at Xavier University carrying a 3.9. Both of my older children are known for their kind hearts and spirit of community. If you want to know the blessing of raising good kids, they are there when you are trying to do the impossible. They know that what you do is for the better of the family.

Now my younger two, my younger son is 10 and has an Autism spectrum disorder. Still after two years in special school he is moving back to our home school. My younger daughter is 8. Both of them spend evenings with me doing our homework. When they are done they watch TV or sometimes start reading my textbooks. Yeah that poor abused 10 yr old can do calculus because we learned it together. What do your kids do?

All my night classes are on evenings I don't have the younger two. All my work is scheduled when they are in school. Get it!! I am there for them. So see I have no life and I am okay with that because I am there for my kids.

Why don't you crawl back under your rock!
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #98  November 5,2009, 2:24pm
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Okay; just a reminder to please focus on the content of people's posts and the issues, and not make personal insults, which violates the site guidelines.

Thank you.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #99  November 5,2009, 2:29pm
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saulgoode wrote :
My personal opinion is that all things being equal, if you cannot support your child financially, then the other parent gets custody.
It takes two people to have a child. Both should continue to share in the responsibilities of raising that child. Why punish the kids because your romantic relationship didn't last?
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #100  November 5,2009, 2:49pm

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neardc wrote :
Okay; just a reminder to please focus on the content of people's posts and the issues, and not make personal insults, which violates the site guidelines.

Thank you.
I am interested in knowing what the guidelines say about current members creating new IDs to attack other members while preserving their "good" name.
 
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